Page 55 of Anarchy

Jade

Last night I went home, showered and laid in bed for the rest of the night. Zayn has made it his mission to avoid me and it’s grating on my nerves, but today is a big day for my little munchkin. It’s her first birthday and we are throwing her a little party at the mill since the clubhouse is in ruins.

Standing in the kitchen, I grab a banana and peel it open, taking a huge bite. I moan and wink as Spade stares at me from across the island.

“Babygirl. We don’t have time for that today.” He grins as I take another bite.

“Can you and Ryder take the kids to the Mill? I want to make a pit stop,” I ask as Zayn walks in with Hazel in his arms. He still doesn't acknowledge my presence, despite my intense stare. “Send Rafe to tail me,” I add, and his eyes snap to mine, but I’m looking at Spade.Checkmate bitch!He looks at Zayn, then looks at me as he takes his daughter from the asshole’s arms. I raise a brow, and he just shakes his head.

“Whoever you want, Babygirl, as long as someone is with you,” he replies as I walk up to him, placing a kiss on his cheek and Hazel’s head. “Tell Rafe I’m ready. I’ll meet him outside,” I whisper as Jaxon comes barreling into the kitchen.

“It’s sissy’s birthday today!” he shouts, and I laugh.

“It sure is, little man. Gimme five,” I say as he slaps my hand. “Mama is going to meet you and sissy at the party. I’ll see you soon. Be a good boy,” I tell him as he nods his head.

“You got it, Mama,” he replies as I head out the front door but stop in my tracks.

“Did anyone remember to get the balloons for tonight?” I yell from the foyer. Zayn peeks his head out and nods. “Thank you,” I say flatly, then walk out the front door.

Getting into my G-Wagon, I pull out of my space and head out of the gates with Rafe on my tail. I take the highway to a little florist stand where Rosa sells fresh cut roses.

Grabbing a few, I hand her a hundo, kiss her cheek, and get back on the road, heading towards the cemetery. As much as I hate going there, Haven deserves to have flowers on her birthday, and for whatever reason, I need my husband the most today. This is a milestone, among others, that he’s missed and I hate it. I hate that I have to put on a front that everything is fucking okay when nothing is the same anymore. I just want him back. I want my baby to be alive and celebrating with the rest of us, but no! This fucking life takes everything we love away! What’s the point of even smiling anymore? Every time I do, someone else gets hurt. What did I ever do in this lifetime to deserve to have everyone I love taken from me?

I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me and Zayn. He’s right, it shouldn’t have happened, but it did and I can’t stop thinking about it. Spade has been spending a lot of time with Ryder, which I don’t blame him for. He deserves to be happy, and if he finds that comfort with my brother, then so be it. They’ve been planning how to get Giovanna out of the clutches of Stefan. I should just go in there and get her myself. He can’t touch me, not even a single finger. Jamie is still with Dalton. I’m not sure if he’s ever going to come back, and that thought alone frightens me. It feels like everything is falling apart, so today I’m going to visit my little girl and husband. Later, hopefully throwing Hazel an awesome birthday party.

Arriving at the cemetery, Rafe shadows behind me at a distance. He’s a man of a few words and I don’t have a relationship on a ‘shoot the shit’ type of level. He’s closerwith Spade than anyone else. Today turned out to be gorgeous. The sun is shining with a light wind in the blistering heat in the middle of summer.

Before entering the mausoleum, I take a moment to look up at the clear sky and enjoy the way the sun warms my skin. Taking a deep breath, I push the glass doors open and sit on the bench. Running my fingers over H and D.God, I miss them. I didn’t even get a chance to know my little girl. She was taken way too soon.“Fucking Dalton!” I growl into the empty room. Tears stream down my face as I place the roses in the cups hanging next to their names. The door creaks open and I brace myself, taking out my knife from my thigh holster. Turning to look, I see it’s Spade with more roses. He smiles at me as he sits on the bench beside me.

“Did you think I was going to let you do this alone, Babygirl?” he whispers, kissing my head as I lean against his shoulder.

“Sometimes I feel alone, Babyboy, like I’m the only one who lost both of them. I can’t get past it,” I say, looking up at him as he places his roses in both cups, then lifts me onto his lap, cupping my face.

“You are never alone in this life, Jade. I lost my brother and our daughter. I don’t give a fuck that she wasn’t biologically mine. She’s a part of you and a part of my fucking brother, which makes her mine, too,” he justifies and I nod.

“I know, and you’re right, but it’s so hard without him–” I cry as the door opens again and Ryder enters with more flowers. Zayn stays just outside the doorway, giving us our space, I assume. My brother places his flowers in the cups and sits next to us, wrapping his arms around the both of us.

“We’re here, little big sister. You’re never going to go through this shit alone,” he assures me as they both squeeze me tighter.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “I love you both. Now let’s get out of here and enjoy the rest of the day,” I say, lifting my head from Spade’s shoulder. My husband places a kiss on my head and I stand. Bringing my fingers to my lips, I kiss them before placing them against Haven and Darios’ names. “I love you both. Keep us safe,” I breathe before turning and leaving out the glass doors.

Later that evening, we sing happy birthday to Hazel and help her blow out the candles. It was such a nice day surrounded by people we call family. We’ve had so many laughs, and the catered spread was amazing. Amici’s really outdid themselves. Before opening presents, I decide to take Hazel into the Mill to change out of her dress and into pajamas. The sun is starting to set and I don’t want her to catch a chill. Jaxon has been wearing his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pajamas for the past hour, thinking he’s the newest ninja to the clan. Carrying Hazel up the stairs, I bump into Zayn as he opens my office door. Our eyes collide, but he doesn’t say a thing, which is really starting to piss me the fuck off.

“Still avoiding me, I see. Real mature,” I huff, walking into my office. Placing Hazel down on the couch, I change her and get her all nice and comfy as Zayn watches from the doorway, still not saying anything. I turn my head to look at him and raise a brow. “So, that’s it? You’re just going to work for me and not speak to me because we kissed?” I snarl as he rubs his hand over his face, stepping into the room and into my space. He takes a deep breath, wrapping his hand around my throat gently.

“I’m staying away because all I can think about is that kiss, Jade. I know the rules; you are fucking off-limits. So it’s better if I avoid you, but do you know how hard that is? When all I want to do is be around you every single second of the day,” he pleads, looking at my lips, then back up to my eyes.

“I’m not sure what to say, but I don’t want these feelings to stop,” I confess, but he lets me go, taking a step back.

“Just forget about me, forget anything happened. I work for you. That’s as far as it goes.” He growls, spinning and walking out. I want to scream and throw shit around the office, but it’s time for my munchkin to open her presents. I grab my holster, sliding it on and pick up Hazel who lays her head on my shoulder, yawning. My girl is tired. It’s been a long, fun-filled day. The door opens behind me and I huff, spinning.

“Come back to tell me more things I–” I stop mid sentence, shocked at who is standing in my fucking office. I school my features and narrow my eyes.

“Well, hello, Cherry. We meet again.” He snickers.

“What is it that you want?” I ask, yawning.

“You! Dead!” He spits, and I laugh.

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