Page 27 of Below the Barrel

Koa deepens the kiss, as if he’s afraid to let go, afraid to let this moment slip away. I respond by tangling my fingers in his hair as I tilt my head to give him better access. His tonguesweeps against mine, and I moan softly into his mouth, the sound vibrating through both of us.

The intensity of this moment threatens to overwhelm me, and I find myself breaking the kiss. Koa rests his forehead against mine as we both gasp for air. His eyes are dark with lust, his breath ragged.

“Maliah,” he breathes, his voice thick with emotion.

My heart twists painfully at the sound of his voice, filled with a longing I’ve missed for so long. But, instead of pulling him back in, instead of giving in to the overwhelming desire that’s been building inside of me, I shake my head and gently place my hands on his chest to push him away. The warmth of his skin beneath my fingers feels like a cruel reminder now of everything I’ve lost.

I look down, avoiding his eyes as I try to steady my racing heart.

He’s the one who broke up with me, I remind myself, the memory flashing through my mind.

He’s the one who said he didn’t love me anymore. The words echo in my head, cold and cutting, pulling me back to reality.

I finally look up at him and I know he can see the hesitation and hurt in my eyes, so I force a small smile, but it doesn't reach my eyes.

“I should go,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper, scared that if I speak any louder I’ll burst into tears. “I have to pack for the camping excursion tomorrow.”

Confusion and hurt flicker in Koa’s eyes for just a moment before he hides them behind a mask of calm. He silently watches as I bend down to pick up the clothes he’d handed me earlier, my hands trembling slightly as I gather them in my arms.

I avoid his gaze as I turn to the door, afraid that if I look at him again, I’ll lose the strength to walk away. Every step feels like I’m leaving a part of myself behind, the room growingcolder, emptier with each one. When I reach the door, I hesitate, my hand hovering over the handle. A part of me wants to turn back and run into his arms and forget everything that’s happened between us, but I don’t think I can. I close my eyes for a moment, trying to steady the storm of thoughts swirling around in my head.

It feels like I’m constantly here, on the brink of giving in, only to remember why I can’t let that happen. With a deep breath, I force myself to turn the handle and open the door, but before I can step out, his hand connects with the wood, gently pushing it closed again. My heart skips a beat as I feel the warmth of his body behind me, so close I can almost feel his breath on my neck.

“Don’t go,” he says softly, his voice a mix of pleading and determination.

I swallow hard, my fingers tightening around the door handle as I fight to hold my ground. I can’t let myself give in to him, not now. But the raw intensity in his voice, the way he’s pleading for me to stay, leaves me frozen—unable to move, unable to think. I can’t bring myself to look at him, afraid that I’ll cave from a single glance.

“Maliah,” he continues, his voice low, “please, just wait a moment. I know things are…complicated between us. Our past…it doesn’t make things easy, but can we just focus on right now? On how we feel about each other in this moment?”

I shake my head slightly, my eyes still fixed on the door in front of me. “I don’t know if I can do that,” I whisper, my voice trembling with the weight of my emotions. “You hurt me, Koa.”

“I know,” he says, his voice thick with regret. “I know I hurt you, and I wish I could change what I did, what I said, but I can’t. But this, what I feel for you right now and what you feel for me…it’s real, Maliah. It’s right here, this moment. Can’t we just see where that takes us? Just for one day?”

His words hang in the air between us, and for a moment, I feel a flicker of hope. What if he’s right? What if I could let go of the past, just for a day, and only focus on what we have now? I’m torn between the safety of holding onto my pain and the possibility of something I’ve always wanted.

I finally turn to face him, my eyes meeting his. The sincerity in his gaze and the raw emotion that he’s not even bothering to hide, makes my heart ache in a way I can’t ignore anymore. Maybe Icantry, just for a day, to see what happens if I let myself feel what I’m feeling without the burden of what happened in our past.

“I don’t know if I can just forget,” I admit. “But maybe I can try. Just for one day.”

A look of relief and hope washes over his face, and he nods, stepping back slightly to give me space.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” he says with gratitude. “We can take it at our pace. No pressure, no expectations. Just us.”

I give him a small, tentative smile, then turn back to the door. Opening it, I step out into the hallway, but instead of leaving, I pause, the door still slightly ajar. I glance back at him one last time, catching the hopeful expression on his face.

“Goodnight, Koa,” I say softly.

“Sweet dreams,” he replies, sending bolts of electricity through my body.

I close the door behind me and cross the hall back to my room. As soon as I close my door, I lean my back against the cool wood, clutching the clothes he’d returned to me earlier against my chest. My thoughts are a whirlwind, my heart still racing from what just happened. I don’t know if this is the right choice, if I’m making a mistake by letting him back in, even for a day. But there’s a part of me that wants to believe it’s possible—to believe that maybe we can find our way back to each other.

I hug the clothes tighter, letting out a shaky breath as I close my eyes. Tomorrow, I’ll try. I’ll pretend the past didn’t happen, just for the day. And maybe I’ll find out if there’s still something worth fighting for between us.

TEN

MALIAH | WESTERN AUSTRALIA, AUSTRALIA

I wakeup feeling refreshed this morning, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I jump in the shower, remembering the kiss I had with Koa last night, along with the conversation. I’m nervous but I’m more excited than anything to see how this goes. After my shower, I quickly do my hair, tying it up into a ponytail before changing into comfortable clothing.

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