Page 2 of Below the Barrel

I should know by now that hope is a useless thing to have.

Koa stands from his chair, shoving his hands into his shorts’ pockets, and walks towards me. He comes to a stop when our shoes are mere centimetres apart, as his cologne causes my head to spin. He still wears the same cologne I bought for him all those years ago, the one that smells like lavender and rosemary blended with cedar wood and patchouli that creates an intoxicatingly addicting scent.

“What?” I grind out, raising my eyes to his.

His eyes sparkle with mischief as he stares down at me. “Are you excited?”

“Ecstatic,” I reply dryly, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Oh, come on Maliah, you can do better than that,” he says in a low voice.

My heart betrays me once again with its erratic thudding as I stare up at him. The fact that his voice alone has this effect on me is enough proof that I’m totally screwed. How is it possible to still be so damn affected by him after everything he’s done? And how do I survive the next year, fighting our attraction while spending almost every waking moment together?

“Oh, believe me, I'm well aware that I can do better.” I look him up and down with a bored expression before standing up and confidently leaving him behind in the meeting room.

For a brief moment I feel strong and powerful, as if my words cut him as deeply as his actions cut me, but it doesn’t take long for the doubt to creep back in. I told him I could do better, but do I believe that?

Deep down I know that I deserve better. I deserve someone who respects me, who cherishes me, who doesn't betray my trust. So why can’t I let him go? Am I doomed to a lifetime of reliving the memory of what Koa and I once were, before it all went to shit?

I clench my jaw as I stomp my way up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me, and throwing myself onto my bed next to my half-packed suitcase. He ruined love for me, and now it feels like he’s going to ruin surfing for me too.

He ruins everything.

“You haveto text us every day,” Kairi, my best friend and teammate, says.

Her naturally tanned complexion glows under the bar lights at our local beach bar, The Kooky Coconut, while her hair stopsjust past her shoulders, curls framing her face. Her hazel eyes track my every move, my every expression. I’ve learned that if anyone is going to know that I’m hurting, it’s her. She is too attentive for her own good.

“And a video call at least once a week,” Eliana adds.

Eliana is the social media manager for The Saltwater Shredders and my best friend. She joined our team about four months ago and although she had a rocky start with Griffin, previous surfer turned youth team coach, they quickly warmed up to each other and are now exclusively dating.

Her brown hair falls past her shoulders in thick waves and her ivory complexion, along with her freckles, make her green eyes pop. She’s drop dead gorgeous, and I’d be lying if I said I never worried about Koa taking an interest in her because of how perfect she is, but I quickly learned she only had eyes for Griffin.

I laugh as I wrap my hand around my glass, swallowing past the building emotion.

“I’ll try my best,” I say. “I don’t know how busy this tour will make us, but I’ll try to text you guys at least once a day.”

Eliana gasps before reaching out and gripping onto Kairi’s arm with wide eyes. “She saidus.I’m not imagining it, right? She saidusto refer to her and Koa.”

I roll my eyes and bring the paper straw of my strawberry daiquiri to my lips and take a long sip while her and Kairi giggle together like children.

“Is there anuswhen it comes to you and Koa?” Kairi asks.

“There was, once upon a time, but not anymore,” I mumble with the straw in my mouth.

They both release an exaggerated huff. “I’ll never understand why you guys don’t just give your relationship another go. It’s obvious that you two still love each other,” Kairi says.

I lower my glass back to the table and turn to face them both.

“It’s more complicated than that. Too much has happened between us to be able to move past it and try again.”

“Like what?” Eliana pushes.

Silence descends upon our table as I stare at them both with my lips pressed together. I haven’t shared the details with anyone about why Koa and I broke up. Experiencing that pain once was more than enough for me and I refuse to experience the emotions again just to explain the situation to somebody.

“It doesn’t matter, it won’t change anything.” I turn towards Kairi. “Plus, you’re wrong. He doesn’t still love me.”

She lifts an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

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