Page 55 of Deviant Illusions

“Yeah,” I lie. “Where else would I be?”

His smile sets the world right and there are no problems or pain. My cheek doesn’t hurt, because with that smile full of light and hope, Asher didn’t lose his shit and decide to smack me in the face. That smile is full of innocence: no malice or distrust. No betrayals or weaknesses. With Kane, I have all the answers to the universe. And with that smile, I’m like a sunflower growing towards the sun. He is all that I need, but I’m fucking terrified of what will happen to us both if I ever go against Asher.

I force the tears back to maintain the image of a cold-hearted bitch that doesn’t give a fuck about anyone. The truth isn’t far off when my care exists for one person alone. He’ll think I’m weak, pathetic, a silly girl who’s ruined if he finds out the truth. They’re all the same things I think about myself every single time Asher unleashes his anger on me. I’m not timid or shy, but with each strike and assault I lose parts of myself, likeAsher is physically reaching inside of my DNA to steal the very fabric of what makes me.

Kane lightly massages my calves as he softly begs, “Choose me, Delilah.”

“I have.”

“No, really choose me.” His eyes dim along with his voice as he slowly blinks up at me. “I love you so fucking much that I’ll always choose you, but I need you to do the same for me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

I should tell him now. Just blurt it out and say that Asher beats the shit out of me, tell him about the last time I tried to escape the shackles of a relationship I do not want and how my mother allowed Asher into my room or how I woke up with a knife against my throat. But his phone rings and the harsh glare of the screen allows me to clearly see Asher’s name.

He stares at me as he hesitates answering. As always, Kane will always want a relationship with his brother, so the hesitation doesn’t mean anything as he answers, “Yeah?”

“How was your competition?” Asher asks, killing any strength I’d built to tell Kane the truth when I watch the boy I love fight a smile while talking to my abuser.

“I won. Do you need something?”

The sound of music filters through the background as Asher says, “Let’s celebrate. Meet me at the beach house?”

I narrow my eyes like that will allow me to discern what the calculating prick has planned. I know there’s something that he needs Kane for from his messages with Rowan, but I don’t trust the asshole to rip up Velcro, never mind be honest about his intentions.

Kane wraps his arms tighter around my calves, sinking into me. “Another time.” He ends the call. “You’re here with me instead of at one of his parties?”

I nod.

“You’re choosing me?”

“I’ll always choose you, baby,” I whisper, watching the smile come back that is wholly Kane. He may be identical to Asher in DNA, but it’s not possible for anyone to replicate that smile or take it from him.

He slowly slips my legs off his thighs as he kisses up my body, pressing that smile directly over my heart. Curling his fingers over the window ledge, he kneels between my thighs, and I have the perfect view of my future—a sky full of stars with Kane.

But his eyes dim and he lowers his head to kiss my forehead, each of my eyes, then my cheeks. His lips are warm and healing, forcing my eyes to close as he whispers, “You’re going to fall one day.”

I fell without ever being up high. He didn’t send me on a rollercoaster of confusion or deceit. He allowed me to slowly slip into my version of love. It’s not soft and warm like his; it’s secretive and hurtful like my parents taught me. Kane’s love is gold; my love is the dark mine it’s found in.

I wrap my hands around his wrists and lock my legs around him. Forcing lightness into my voice, I softly fire back, “Not when I’m attached to you.”

He smiles again and flattens his body over mine. “You’re cold.”

“So warm me up?” I need him to replace every single harsh touch with his gentleness, because in those moments my body feels like it’s mine rather than an object to be continuously used then thrown away.

“Come inside, my pretty girl. We’ll watch a movie first while you get warm. Your cheeks and nose are red.” He softly kisses my stinging cheek. “How can you lay here and not feel the cold?”

I hum and bury my face in the crook of his neck. “Like this. Let me hide in you.” My voice isn’t audible as I beg, “Please let me hide this version of myself with you so that any good I have is protected in the best person I know.”

He pulls back, because unlike everyone else in the world, Kane cares about what I say. But I can’t repeat it and show any vulnerability since he’ll never be mine. His eyes are even softer than they usually are as he strokes my cheek with the back of his fingers.

“One day, Delilah Leroux,” he whispers against my lips.

And then I ruin the only opportunity to tell him the truth as I lift up an inch to kiss him.

26

DELILAH

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