Page 87 of Deviant Illusions

Another gulp that he must feel, because he smiles into the crook of my neck.

“Then when you wake up and lie to me, I’ll wrap my belt around your neck to drag your sinful mouth up and down my dick because I know that the only thing you’ll be pissed about is not being able to remember what I do to you.”

My heart is racing when he’s only holding the outside of my thigh. I stare out of the corner of my eye, watching the moon outshine the stars. The glare hits the water in a distorted line from the horizon. It’s a poetic tragedy that a sight so beautiful is only being watched by the monsters in this house.

Kane pulls my attention away as he asks, “Did you like the masks, koukla mou?”

“Ye-Yeah,” I stutter as he wraps his fingers around my thigh, pushing his thumb between the crease of my crossed legs.

“Which one? The bird from when you first dared me to kiss you, the clown that would make you hug me because you were scared of it, or the only one you left me with?”

I have a better question: how much fucking thought did he put into his planning? I barely remember any of the movies in detail unless he mentions them. No one would remember inconsequential shit. They’re not exactly running on a reel of “things Kane and I have done,” so why does he think about them?

Silence is a better option. It will stop me falling into him, only to lose parts of myself. But he doesn’t allow it.

“You left me in that fire too. I might not have died, but I’ve been trapped in the smoke, and the gas mask allowed me to escape.”

Without turning my head, I recall a memory of my own as I whisper, “It’s what firefighters used years ago.”

It’s a stupid, insignificant memory from a school trip when we were ten. I dragged Kane away from our group because they wanted to look at boring shit. And just like then, he follows me, completing the memory with the barest information.

“Yeah, do you remember when we tried them on? You said it made everything look funny, like you didn’t really know what was in front of you?”

I nod. “And you looked good in it because you tucked the hose in your back pocket.”

“Did I still look good?”

“Yeah,” I whisper.

“Open your legs, baby.” He taps my inner thigh with his thumb. “I want to make you feel good while you know it’s me. Let me hear my name on your lips again.”

I don’t move anything other than my head and look at him. “I want to be the one to scare you now.”

His eyes harden along with his voice as he roughly shakes his head. “Don’t. I’ll end up hurting you.” He softens, kissing my cheek then adds, “I don’t want to scare you right now. I want you to come while you watch the stars again. Will you allow me to worship you, to pray at the only temple I want to accept me?”

“Your back?”

He lifts up on his knees so that I can see him fully, trailing his other hand across my jaw as he says, “I’ll pray for forgiveness with my hands, then when you accept it, I’ll submit myself to you with my tongue.”

Kane slowly turns my head so I’m staring out of the window, then lays back on his stomach as I uncross my ankles. The warmth at my side is more than physical when he kisses below my ear, “Thank you, my pretty girl.”

He chased me, held me at knifepoint, fucked me while my head was inside an actual dead body, but none of that is scarier than the softness he exudes now as he lays his cheek on my shoulder and massages up my inner thigh.

“Good girl, keep looking at the stars.” He moves further up. “You’re so beautiful and mine.”

Every movement is slow, gentle, teasing as he cups between my thighs and smiles against my chest. “Do you know what this means, koukla mou? It means you trust me, and I might have moments where I hate you, but I’ll never betray that trust.”

My chin has barely moved when he shakes his head. “Don’t look at me. Not yet. That’s for sunrise.”

My eyes burn at the reminder of how things used to be. Kane doesn’t even realize that we were both the same; I just wore my toxic shit openly. He hid his behind the soft-spoken boy who didn’t want to hurt anyone. But we both did it, without force or coercion. When everything else in our lives was manipulated, we found each other and now we’re doing it again despite knowing that it’s still toxic.

And just like then, I want him to stop the rest of the world. He grounds me, makes life less daunting, and he’s the only person who cares. So I lift my t-shirt, pulling it over my head while staring out at the sky, then lay back down.

“Fuck, pretty girl,” he breathes out in awe. “You’re even more beautiful like this.”

The sheets are slowly pulled down so they’re only covering up to my knees and it’s like the clouds are being controlled by it too as they slowly move over the shining, silver moon. Kane widens my thighs and softly kisses down to my chest as he makes circles on my clit with the pad of his thumb.

I push my hips down, searching for more while he’s content in the slow movements. Even his mouth follows the same pace as he flattens his tongue over my nipple, massaging instead of tugging. My back arches on a low moan as he groans, “That’s my good fucking wife.” He pushes two fingers into me, rewarding me.

---