Page 86 of Deviant Illusions

I spent years afraid of Kane finding out, afraid that he’d see me the same way as everyone else and he wouldn’t believe me. Is that how abuse continues? The punches and kicks stopped hurting after a while, but the fear of being seen as less got more potent with each bruise. I was less afraid of Asher than I was of losing myself, and if I didn’t care then maybe I would have left him. A lack of support and a mindset of caring about everyoneelse’s opinion that was drilled into me my entire life created the perfect storm to endure whatever he wanted to do to me.

Kane tenses as he leans closer, stopping before his lips touch my cheek. “My parents were idiots. They only wanted Asher and they never cared about anyone else.”

“Does your mom know you’re here with her family?”

He laughs, low and mostly air. “They’re both dead.”

“I thought she was in hospital.”

There was a time I thought Kane was incapable of telling a lie, but I was just a fucking idiot for believing him.

“Let me guess,” I sigh. “Another one of your fucking tricks, you crazy bastard?”

“Not a trick.” He tightens his arm around me. “She died in the hospital while I was there. My dad died before her, but they let her live until I declined their offer to take over everything.”

“They?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Rowan and Lennox. This shit is bigger than us, older than us too, and I didn’t know your parents were involved.”

I was right. I spent years searching for proof and I was fucking right that my family are fucked up. More than their need to hurt their children. It’s something deeper and worse. I always knew it, but there’s no satisfaction in being right.

I shake my head as I ask, “The police officer said that your dad was missing? Or was that another part of your lies?”

“Not mine. His body hadn’t been found yet.” He takes a deep breath. “As fucked up as it is, I’m glad you’re here with me,” he whispers. “The monsters around us have made us human, put our shit into perspective so that we can actually get through it without being pissed at each other.”

My laugh is automatic, shaking my entire body. “You were always optimistic, but this is going too far, baby.”

“Anything to stay sane,” he breathes out. “Anything to make you not hate me.”

I can’t hug him without hurting him, and I can’t lie when we’re slowly wading through the mountain of lies. So I say, “I don’t want to hate you, but I can’t stop it because I didn’t kill the boy I loved. You did. I loved you?—”

“Loved?” he whispers brokenly.

I just nod. “I killed Asher to save you and myself, but you broke us.”

“I’m sorry.” He kisses my cheek, leaving his lips there. “But I’m not sorry at the same time because in those moments, as Asher, I got to have a chance of a life with you. I’m fucked up, pretty girl. I’ll never be normal again. There’ll be times when I think I can, but then you’ll touch me a certain way or the pain of that place will come back and I’ll hate you, even if it’s for a split second. I’ll be unable to separate the fact that you caused this with the actions of the puppet masters who controlled it.”

“I preferred Ghost,” I mumble.

Life was easier when I didn’t know who was behind the mask. I felt more of a connection with Ghost than I did with Asher. He knew me. I was safer when he wanted to kill me than any other time in my life.

“Me too,” Kane says, then kisses my cheek as he pulls me closer, so our sides are pressed together. His breathing escalates, voice huskier as he slowly massages over my hip to my thigh. “You always were even more beautiful when you were scared. The first time I snuck into your room was the day I knew it too. You nearly came without me even touching you.”

He kisses down to my cheek, and I remain still, allowing him to tilt my chin up so he can kiss my neck.

“I like being scared when I can trust the person scaring me,” I say more to myself than him. Being able to control my fears is something that I wished that I could have power of. As a child,I was helpless to the whims of everyone around me, but as an adult, I found a way to twist that emotion into something that serves me instead of constantly taking from me.

Kane doesn’t push his hand between my thighs or speak to me like shit. He continues softly kissing my neck as he promises, “I won’t hurt you.”

His voice drops as he fits his lips by my ear and the deep timbre vibrates through my body. “But I won’t lie, I want to make you scream. I want to push you out of that window with my hand wrapped around your pretty little neck so you’re looking up at the stars while I make your legs weak with my tongue buried inside you.”

I’m hyperaware of my breathing as I cross my ankles together to stop myself from reacting.

“Then,” he bites my neck, sucking the sensitive skin between his teeth, making it harder for me to remain still, “when my face is soaked in you, I’ll turn you around, bend you over the ledge so you’re looking down at the drop while I fuck your ass and fill your cunt with my entire hand. You’re so fucking beautiful when you’re stretched for me.”

I audibly gulp.

“And when you’re too tired to stand, I’ll let you sleep. Not for long though, because I’m addicted to you. You’re like a weed, a dandelion growing through the concrete of my cells. I’m incapable of resisting you. So, I’ll fuck your mouth and you’ll be so good for me, Delilah. You won’t wake up or complain. You’ll take it and let me have your trust.”

---