Page 26 of Deviant Illusions

He shakes his head with a soft smile splitting through his sleep filled features. There’s no time to stop him as he pulls me up his body and lays me on his chest. He wraps both arms around me, crossing them at my back, then closes his eyes as he kisses my shoulder full of contentment.

“This is enough, Delilah,” he whispers against my skin. “Spending the morning with my girl in my arms is all I want.”

A door slams on the floor above, and he takes a deep breath before his arms loosen. The smile disappears and he doesn’t look at me as Asher’s voice booms through the house. “Lilo! Where the fuck are you?”

“But you’re not my girl,” Kane whispers to himself. “You’ll always choose Asher.” His arms drop to the mattress and he audibly swallows. “Go to him. I know you want to.”

I lift up to kiss his cheek, but I meet air as he stretches his neck, moving away from me without opening his eyes. Asher’ssteps thunder above us as I crawl off his brother and pull my t-shirt down. He moves further away from the staircase, and I turn to look at Kane. He’s not satisfied with sending me away. He also turns his head away from me and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though I’m a stranger who’s not allowed to see him.

“Why are you picking an argument on your birthday?” I ask, knowing Asher will rage no matter what happens. I can deal with that brother’s rage. Kane’s hurt is different.

He slowly turns his head to look at me, and I cross my arms over my chest.

“Because this has to stop, Delilah. I want more for you than sneaking into my room. How long do you think it will last for? Until you go to college and we’re not going to be anywhere near each other?”

We’re going to the same college, so his argument is stupid. It’s always been our plan. Go to the same college and rent a place together so we’re not alone. But I can’t let anyone know that the feared Harkin Leroux’s daughter has something as weak as emotions, so I say, “It’s your loss then. Don’t come crawling back to me when you get sick of your hand.”

He laughs without any humor and sits up, bringing the sheet with him “I’m not going to come back here at all. For you or anyone else.”

“What do you mean?”

Kane gives me a tight-lipped smile and his vibrant eyes are muted as he lowly explains, “I’m leaving for good. I can’t be around you and him. It fucking kills me to watch the two of you together, so I’m doing what you can’t.”

My arms slowly drop to my sides, and it hurts to breathe. I want to beg him, tell him to stay and give him every sordid secret that his brother has. I want to tell him my own secrets and that I only ever wanted him. But that’s not what leaves mymouth as I argue, “You won’t leave your family and you won’t leave me.”

He softly taps his head against the wood paneled wall as hurt fuses to his words.

“Do you know what it’s like to see the two of you together? We’re identical, for fuck’s sake. That means I don’t have to picture myself with you, I fucking see it. Everything that you do together could be me and you. I’m not staying here to watch you live the life I want.”

“What are you going to tell your parents?”

He scoffs as he stands to his full height. Knotting the sheet at his waist, he stops in front of me. I have to look up since his last growth spurt as he cups my cheek and holds my hip.

“You can tell them. When you’re there at Christmas, or when you…” He gulps. “When you get married and have children and there’s an empty seat, you can tell them that it’s because they have the son they want. That you have the son they want.”

“Kane,” I say when I have nothing else.

He softly shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “I’ve lived being their second best, but I can’t be that with you. Do you realize how much it hurts to see someone that looks exactly like me hold your hand, or kiss you, or just be able to do everything that I can’t? I fell in love with you while you were falling for someone else. Staying in love with you is easy, but don’t ask me to live as the reflection of what I will never be able to have.”

My eyes close as he gently kisses me, and I hold his sides like that will stop him from leaving. Tears burn up my throat as he presses an innocent kiss to my forehead, whispering, “We both deserve full lives. If he’ll give you that, take it. I’ll always love you, my pretty girl.”

Kane doesn’t shout or demand that I choose him. Instead, he peels my hands off him and steps around me. I numbly watch him pack his bag as the marching above us restarts.

“Kane,” I whisper at his back. “I do love you, and this situation isn’t what you think it is.”

I have his attention. I can feel the truth sitting at the pit of my throat, begging to be let free. He waits for me, in that Kane way—the one that everyone secretly relishes in because this world is fucking lonely. But not with somebody like him, someone who cares and is good.

“Will you stay?” I ask and take a step forward. “Just for tonight? I promise I’ll explain everything and if you still want to go, we can. We’ll find my sisters and they’ll help us.”

His smile comes back, and he wraps his arms around me. Kissing the top of my head, he breathes out, “I love you Delilah. Only ever you.”

A loud crash hits the floor above us and I close my eyes. I’ve learned not to flinch anymore, but I soak in the comfort of Kane’s heartbeat under my ear, of his warmth wrapped around me, as Asher throws another one of his tantrums that I’ll pay for.

The myth that there’s a good twin and an evil one is real. The good twin is my best friend. The evil one tricked me into a relationship that I can’t escape without one of us dying.

13

DELILAH

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