Page 93 of Devious Delusions

There’s a small voice telling me to remove everything and let her see me without a barrier as I slowly raise to my full height and change my gloves, but I need her to prove herself or I truly meant nothing to her. All of the answers are there, all she has to do is remember me, remember who she said knock-knock to. But she never thinks, she just does what she wants and forgets everyone who isn’t important to her, otherwise she would have known who I was that the first day when I had the gas mask on.

She knew who you were on the cliff,my mind unhelpfully fucking gloats.She knew you when you showed her your face.

I argue with myself, like a crazy fuck.But she doesn’t get to fucking forget, not when all I’ve had are those memories to keep me warm and stop the desolation.

She doesn’t get to forget me, her sins, or that she doesn’t deserve a moment of peace.

A shiver wracks her body and makes the leather restraints creak. I’m gentle as I undo each strap and prop her feet on the stool I was sitting on while I waited for her to wake up before the sun slowly begins to rise. I pause.

Sunrise was always the marker of when she would leave me. We’d watch them together and it’s serendipitous that it’s a sunrise that marks the end of our game. I’m going to be victorious either way because I’ve predicted the only two outcomes that she could possibly have.

She remembers me and she hasn’t changed.

She doesn’t and I was interchangeable to her.

I remove the latch of the enforced coffin and slide the side panel out to free her of the chains. She’s still twitching with spit on her face, soil marking her skin showing where the creatures have traveled and tracked it to. Her arms drop as soon as I remove the metal cuffs.

The top panel is removed next, and I stroke her cheek with the back of my fingers as I whisper, “Hey, my pretty girl.”

She doesn’t say anything back to me and her lashes flutter as I gently lift her out of the insects and the rat that took up residence against her hair. Cradling her to my chest, I walk through the trees to a clearing, so we have an unobstructed view of the sunrise, and the birds’ melodious chirps echo around us as the sky slowly lightens.

When I reach the blanket I laid on the ground while she was unconscious, I lower and place Delilah over my thighs. My lips rest against her temple and I take the spare blanket to wrap around her. She moans, nuzzling into me, and my body slowly sways on some muscle memory.

“I don’t know if I still love you,” I confess. “I don’t know if I’m capable of it anymore.”

There’s no response other than slow blinking and I rest my forehead on hers as I continue, “All the love I had for you was so pure, but it’s hate now. I’ve dreamt of your death and fantasized about it being at my hand, but like this, I can’t do it. I can’t kill you whenmyDelilah is in front of me. The one who would look for me in a sea of hundreds who wanted her attention.”

Her eyes soften and there’s no hint of a lie in her voice as she whispers, “I’m sorry I’m not your Delilah. I’m not even mine, Ghost. I don’t know who I am. So, I’m sorry to myself first and I’m sorry to you second.”

“Did you ever love me?” I ask below a whisper.

She audibly gulps and I have my answer. Yet, I still wait as the birds sing in harmony. Birdsong is supposed to be peaceful, something soothing, but there’s no soothing the ache in my chest.

My next question is even lower, and I don’t want to know the answer.

“Do you lovehim?”

Tears line up on her lashes and she slowly blinks, pushing them off the ledge, and they slip down her cheeks as her low, pained voice disturbs the peaceful notes.

“I love who Asher became.”

I nod and it’s not satisfying being right, but this game has ended for the time being, and there’s just one innocent thing I want before I’m declared the loser.

“Ask me to kiss you, koukla mou,” I whisper against her lips.

Delilah frees one arm from the blanket and cups my cheek over the mask. I flinch away from her gentle touch on instinct now that we’re entering unknown territory, but she doesn’t remove her hand and slows her movements as she gives me one thing for the infinite she’s taken from me.

“Kiss me,” she says softly.

I don’t close my eyes as I softly move my lips over hers. I sink into her and silently beg her to change her answer. To say she has never loved him, that there isn’t any other choice. She doesn’t, she never fucking does, and I pull back.

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