Page 84 of Devious Delusions

“It’s hard for her,” he says at the same time as I do in my head.

Slipping off his thighs, I kneel in front of him and hold his shoulders to go some way to correct my wrongs.

“What about you?” I ask and he gives me a tight-lipped smile. I don’t let him lie to me and add, “You keep talking about how hard things are for everyone else, but what aboutyou? You were never a selfless person, Asher, so this must be hard on you too.”

The smile grows slightly but it doesn’t reach his eyes as he softly jibes, “Yeah, looks like you changed me.”

Is that why he doesn’t match my memory? Did he actually change and become this gentler person who is supportive of everyone in his life rather than controlling them all?

Even his touch is softer as he moves my hair over my shoulder. He catalogs each point of my features as he whispers, “Do you miss it?” He wraps both arms around me and rests his forehead on mine. “The old me?”

“I don’t know which memories are real and which aren’t, so I’m not sure who I’m missing,” I whisper my confession back.

Here is safe. It’s not violent or lonely with my confusion. Asher helps me navigate it without complaint or expectation.

“I can tell you,” he says.

Shaking my head, I accept who we are now rather than whatever has happened previously. Those versions of each other don’t exist and this is who we are.

37

DELILAH

If this is the last day before I implode my marriage, it’s a good day filled with beautiful simple memories. Asher stays home and out of his office. It’s just normal and mundane activities like laying together and watching movies. Still, a good day to have as my last with him.

I sit up on my knees when something clatters in the kitchen. He’s said I’m not allowed in since he went in there twenty minutes ago, and I can’t smell anything burning. I can’t even imagine Asher cooking or doing anything other than ordering food from a restaurant.

Flattening my arms on the back of the sofa, I shout down the hallway. “Do you need help so you’re not one-handed?”

He pokes his head around the door and playfully scolds me. “Keep your pretty ass right there. You won’t let me eat, so you’ll let me feed my wife.”

My brows go up at the possessiveness and I lift my hands in the air as I try to contain my smile. I slowly turn my body and catch the way he looks at me. There’s so much longing on his face and I know I’m going to kill everything in the morning.

There’s more clattering and his voice is further away as he says, “Close your eyes, baby.”

I do it and sit cross-legged on the sofa. Pulling the blanket over my thighs, I listen out for his steps. They’re nearly silent as he stops behind the sofa. His lips touch my cheek, and he softly whispers, “You deserve everything, Lilo.” My lashes flutter and he adds, “Not yet.”

He steps around the sofa, and it takes all my willpower to keep my eyes closed at the sound of something being placed on the table. He takes two more trips to the kitchen and back before the cushions beside me dip and he wraps his arm around my shoulders, finally allowing me to open my eyes.

The table is filled with melted chocolate, strawberries, marshmallows, and every treat imaginable. He kisses my cheek and pulls me closer as his voice softens. “I know I missed our anniversary, and it’s a little late, but it’s still tradition.”

The longing in his eyes is intensified up close as I cup his cheek. I hate my mind for assigning him traits that don’t belong to him. In my memories, all of these soft moments were with someone else, but they’re not. They’re between the two of us and the doctor’s assumptions are right, my guilt over the fire made him into a villain when he wasn’t. He never has been anything other than what he’s showing me right now.

My voice lowers with the guilt heavily weighing on my shoulders. “Asher, I love you. I really love you and I?—”

“Love you too. Come on, eat. The chocolate will start to set.”

He cuts off my confession, so I stick to my original timeline, and I’ll explain everything in the morning.

Lifting me by my hips, he sits me between his thighs and drags the table closer. I settle back into his chest as he plucks up a strawberry and swirls it through the chocolate. His cast lays across my thighs and I thread our fingers together. His lipsbrush my cheek as he brings the strawberry to my lips and says, “I thought holding hands was too childish for you?”

The melted chocolate drips into my mouth but I don’t bite down.

I’ve never said that to him.

I shake the thoughts away because they can’t be trusted and hum despite the way my mind latches onto the words. His fingers stiffen in mine, but he doesn’t continue with the topic as I lean forward and use a napkin to collect a few snacks from the table so we can relax as the movie starts. The melody makes me look up because it’s not anything that has been commissioned and my voice is in it. It’s me playing the piano. Specifically, me playing naked and staring at the window when I was waiting for Ghost on the night he turned up bleeding.

Asher massages the tops of my thighs and presses his fingers near my panties as he pulls me backwards into his chest. His lips are by my ear and his voice is filled with excitement.

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