Page 98 of Volatile

Fucking idiot, so intelligent and so fucking stupid at the same time.

“Shut the fuck up.” My voice comes out too rough, making her head snap up and I flinch, quickly softening it and adding, “Respectfully.”

A childhood of conditioning has made Stasi believe she’s not worth anything. It’s the bullshit that has an argument forming behind her eyes but she’s intelligent enough not to voice it. Combing my fingers through her hair, I tuck the loose strands behind her ear and cup her jaw. My voice cracks at the memory of her body being forcefully moved.

“I care aboutyou. Is this fucked, and I’m upset about the baby? Yes.” Resting our foreheads together so she can’t see anything other than the truth, I continue, “But I would fucking die for you, Stasi.”

My dream has been altered, it has to have her in it or it won’t be complete.It’s not faceless blobs of what I hope to have but one figure beside me at all times making it easier. I can be in a room of hundreds and that loneliness doesn’t leave, but with one person, the right person, it abates. I can breathe with her next to me, I don’t need a crutch to walk through life or a stupid joke to be on my tongue, I can just fucking breathe.

I don’t want to add more emotional weight to her, but I need her to know how deeply she consumes me.

“It’s you. I need you and I have a theory.”

She doesn’t roll her eyes this time, she sinks into me, and her voice is the softest I’ve ever heard it. “Yeah?”

I nod and pull her closer. My voice is slow and quiet as I stare into her eyes, loving the way she looks at me even though they’re sore.

“I was always supposed to fall for you, on this bridge, or in life, it was inevitable, you could run but it was always going to happen.”

She presses a chaste kiss to my lips and relaxes into me, hugging me to her. My sweetness. I’ve been sitting here for years on nights like this and I know why Stasi picked this place. It’s peaceful and no one travels through this road from 11pm until 6am. When the lights shine travelling closer to us and slowing down she comes alert, and I shield her eyes from the harsh beam. I already know what it is after putting our order in and the driver looks confused as fuck when I roll the window down.

He can’t see my girl with her hood up and my hand in her face as I take our food. Stasi looks up at me with a genuine smile as he gets back in his car and drives away.

“Always eating, luchik?”

I hum and sit everything on the seat with the ass warmers on high before I take out our first course. I hold the pizza slice to her lips and plug false joy into my voice.

“You can’t turn me down twice in the same spot.”

She needs to eat something, or I’ll put a tube down her throat. There’s finally not a battle and she opens her mouth, taking a bite.She lets me feed her and rests her cheek on my shoulder. I want her back to ignoring me and pretending to be disinterested, those moments were more comfortable than the way she keeps randomly staring into space.

THIRTY-SIX

Anastasia

Nothing else exists as I remain fixed on the screen in front of me. I can hear Vitali hesitating outside of the room I’ve turned into my new cave, but he doesn’t come inside. It’s been a week of his hesitance, and as long as I remain focused on finding the bitch Genevieve then I have something to distract me. The screen is the only light in the room, and my eyes burn from staring at it for so long, but the thought of stopping has rage filling me.

The door slowly opens, and my throat constricts knowing he’s looking at me; even if I couldn’t see him in my periphery, I’d know it was him as one foot slightly drags. That adds to the guilt, his knee is hurt and it’s my fault. I can’t punish myself, so I keep searching for the cunt.

Warmth covers my side as he sits beside me. There’s no food in his hand, thankfully he’s given up trying to force me to eat. But he winces as he straightens his leg and I pull my laptop closer to block it out. He wraps his arm around it to get me to move but I push all of my weight down and my voice comes out robotic as I say, “Not now.”

It doesn’t deter him, and he lifts my laptop out of my hands. His voice is stern, as he gently holds my chin turning me to face him. “You’ve been in here for two days, you either get up and leave this room or you sit with me wrapped around you, so I know that you’re safe.”

I pull my head out of his hand and give my excuse. “I’m busy.”

He scoffs and grabs my hand, bringing it up to my face as he points out, “See this? It says you’re mine, you haven’t taken it off, so you know it too. That means when you’re hurt, I’m here, and if you’re busy, guess what? So the fuck am I.”

He doesn’t let go of my hand as he stands and pulls me with him. I push back when his arm tries to wrap around me knowing he’s going to try and pick me up only to end up hurting himself.

His mouth opens and I step around him. If I hear him say words like ‘please’ or ‘sorry’ I’ll crumble. I hate them on his tongue, and they don’t match his usual arrogance. They all make the guilt intensify, so does the dragging gait behind me as I swap one hiding place for another. The bathroom door is the only one with a lock on it and I speed up so he can’t stop me. Once I’m inside and the lock has been slid into place, I just stand there.

“Open the door.” The thud isn’t as loud as his panic. “Stasi, open the fucking door now.”

I step forward into the shower and turn it on without taking any of my clothes off. My eyes close as the cold water pelts my skin and I wait for something to offer me a guide on how I’m meant to act or what I’m supposed to do. A heavy thud jolts the door, the wood cracking from the frame as another hits it, and then it splinters to reveal Vitali standing at the threshold. His eyes are wild, and his nostrils are flared as he storms towards me.

I don’t flinch or move as he joins me under the spray. When he wraps his arms around me I break. There are no tears physically, but they fill my voice.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt.”

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