Page 100 of Volatile

“She still does that now,” Vitali mutters as the elevator doors open.

Inessa dismisses her brother-in-law instantly as we walk out but she doesn’t say anything in front of her daughter or rip her out of Tali’s arms. She doesn’t speak to him, and I know they were close. He audibly swallows, hiding his hurt and stares at the back of her head as we walk into the kitchen. She has a bunch of face masks set on the island and speaks without turning around.

“Stasya, you can join us. We haveonespare seat.”

Verena murmurs, stretching out for her mom and Inessa turns still, refusing to look at Vitali as she takes her daughter.

“Come on, wriggler, do you want to pick your mask?”

The kitchen fills up and everyone falls silent as they stare between Vitali and Inessa. I don’t know what importance an at-home spa session has, but it clearly means something more. I unwrap his arm from around me and try to take the anger out of my tone as I ask Inessa, “Can I talk to you?”

She nods and everyone’s eyes are on me. Val stands beside his brother with Dani pretending she’s not looking, as Inessa sets Verena on her feet in the middle of the island then follows me out. They’re still staring through the glass doors and unease forces my words out.

“Why are you ignoring Vitali?”

I’ve never been good at confrontation, but she doesn’t react violently, and disgust pulls her lips into a snarl. “Because he’s a fucking idiot who opened his mouth and spewed shit when he had no right to.”

Protecting anyone, even myself, is a new emotion, but I can’t stop myself when I can see his unsmiling face in my periphery, and it strengthens my voice.

“He was hurt, and he acted like an ass, but everyone knows he’s a puppy. He doesn’t hurt people maliciously, so stop ignoring him and making him feel like shit.”

Her eyes widen then narrow, but I ignore the unease as I continue, “You’ve made mistakes before and people forgave you, you don’t hold me ignoring you for years against me, so don’t do that shit to him. He doesn’t deserve it and he’s apologized for the shit he’s done.”

“No,” she snaps, refusing this small fucking thing. “He went too far and I don’t care if he walks over fire to right it.”

“You’re married to Vlad, for fuck’s sake, you can’t be the grudge-holding type when he kicked you out once you were pregnant.”

She hardens and I’ve allowed my mouth to run away from me. Her fingers tense, digging into her biceps and it moves her wedding rings to reveal a burn underneath as she asks, “Who the fuck said he kicked me out?”

I sound weak as fuck as I admit, “My mother.”

The anger disappears as she laughs, “You believe that dumb bitch?”

“Whatever,” I brush it away along with the urge to push her over. “You still forgave him for whatever he did and look you’re happy now, forgive Tali. Fuck, you don’t even have to forgive him, just stop ignoring him because it’s upsetting him.”

I walk away before I push her over and go back to my cave where I’m comfortable without the unease of new emotions.

THIRTY-SEVEN

Vitali

My girl, the strong woman that she is, can shut out the world but she pushes me away in the process. I can’t get through to her and she’s like a robot, only focused on her goal of finding the people responsible for hurting her. All my life I’ve run from things — Len, a beating, my own thoughts — now I’m stranded without the energy to move. I don’t have the crutch of the drugs to drown it all as I make my way through the warehouse for tonight’s fight.

I’m not even allowed to fight, as per Vlad’s orders, and he stands at the edge of the cage like a fancy criminal in his expensive suit staring me out if I dare go against what he says. I’m here for my fucking drugs, not violence. The twinge in my knee wouldn’t allow me to fight anyway, especially when I know better than to allow any of our weaknesses to be shown to the world.

Val nods at me, like a prick. They’re all fucking pricks and I hate them. I hate them for not being in pain while I am, while Stasi is. Is this how they’ve felt when they’ve had to deal with their own shit? Just this fucking inky pit of resentment whenever they see the people they care about living. Not happiness or doing anything they shouldn’t, just the simple act of them living and being able to fucking walk without a weight on their back?

Vanya skips through the hallway and pokes her head around the corner to watch the cage. I follow her line of sight for something to do and see Zidane take a shot to the ribs that makes him smile like he needs the pain. I never understood his need to antagonize his opponents before, but I do now. It’s a way of feeling something, allowing that pain to be absorbed and then defeating it as a reminder to yourself that it’s possible.

My brother is a dick. But Val knows me too well and he grips my shoulder, guiding me back outside. We hit open air and the smell of blood is weaker, allowing me to be disgusted at whichever prick decided to fucking piss against the building. He grimaces and walks around the side to where we park and the piss-tainted air is further away.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as he leans on my car, his dirty fucking shoe pressed against the paint.

I don’t have the energy to tell him to fuck off and my eyes sting as I look up into the night sky. The shadows don’t stop me being viewed as weak and he grabs my nape, pulling me into his chest.

“Don’t get all fucking sad and snotty on me,” he whispers as he kisses the top of my head like I’m a child.

“Says you?” I mumble. “You pay your kid to hug you.”

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