Page 67 of Volatile

I’m 100% sure Dani would rather boil herself in bleach than ever fuck me and I’d chop my dick off before it touched her. It’s not about physical attraction when she’s beautiful and so am I. Pulling my girl to sit back against me, my hand automatically goes to her stomach, and I hide it in the pocket of her hoodie as I say, “We used to sleep in the same bed, and nothing ever happened. We’ve been friends since we were six, so it definitely wouldn’t, and she was family before she ever married Val. That prick stole my best friend.”

She doesn’t believe me, and I stretch my hand out, imagining my life being exactly how I want it as I hesitantly give her the family secret.

“Did Vanya tell you everything about Vlad?”

I can feel her tense under my hand, and she doesn’t look at me as she meekly answers. “Just that he’s her dad and Yulia planned it.”

I nod and attempt to process the complexity of every emotion regarding the situation of my family.

“You know I have theories on life and shit,” I say and she nods. “One of them was that I had a sister, I couldn’t explain it, but it turns out that missing part I always felt wasn’t a sister, it was Vanya. It’s fucked up and dysfunctional, but it never made sense until we found out about her.”

Stasi looks up at me and smiles softly. “So, you filled the gap with your friendship?”

I nod and feel the need to justify myself. “I love Dani, but I will never be in love with her, she’s family.”

She relaxes and strokes her fingers through my hair. Despite half of her face being covered by shadows it’s the most open she’s ever been as she whispers, “You scare me sometimes.”

I don’t move, or breathe, at the confession. The last thing I would ever do is hurt her. I’m aware of my reputation, and that of my family, but she has to know she’s safe with us.

Stasi takes too long to speak and her voice lowers further as she says, “I think you’re the most dangerous person I’ll ever meet, and I’ll end up hurting you.”

My voice lowers to match her volume, but it doesn’t mute my conviction. “You will never hurt me.”

I’m sure I’ve finally got through to her until she deflects with a smirk. “Question, you and Zidane?”

We’ve settled into a routine of asking each other dumb shit and Stasi’s eyes light up at the thought of me fucking Zidane’s ugly ass. I shake my head and watch her while she thinks up on her list, she’s fucking stunning, especially when she lets herself show. We forget about the movie as she hesitates, asking, “Do you still fuck people together?”

I haven’t touched anyone since our arrangement changed from occasional to regular fucking then wanting her in my bed every night.

Combing my fingers through her hair, I trace her features and there’s more depth to my answer than intended. “Only you.”

Her soft voice floats between us, weighted with meaning as she strokes my cheek with fear in her eyes. “What do you want with me, Tali?”

Everything. Anything. Fuck I don’t even fucking know other than I need Stasi, she makes life easy and she’s a bigger presence than the loneliness. I copy her, staring into her eyes as I ask, “Will you give me it if I tell you?”

I’m begging her to say yes, to just give in and fuck everyone else’s fucking opinions. Her mother’s joy at being tied to me shouldn’t factor into it. No one would give her shit or look at her with anything other than respect like she deserves even without me. But I’ll amplify her true image if they don’t.

Tears well against her bottom lashes, and a sniffle comes out before she breaks my fucking heart. “I can’t, you deserve more.”

One tear tracks down her cheek, clinging to her lip and my chest cracks.Wiping it away with my thumb, I press my lips to her forehead and try to organize my thoughts to get her to see herself how I do. “There’s nothing better than you, Anastasia.”

She never says she doesn’t want things, only that she’s not worth them. It’s the type of thought process only a bitch of a mother can implant into your head. It’s a theory I had when I was younger that’s proven right in everything. Horror movies are the perfect example: a masked psycho kills people and it always reveals a male. Psychological warfare takes a woman’s touch. When they’re combined it’s fucking lethal, you don’t die but you never truly live.

She lets me be here rather than pushing me away and each step is hard won, but I’ll never stop. My girl wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my shoulder, so I use it as an opportunity to change the conditioning she’s had as I press my lips to her ear and whisper, “You’re so beautiful, inside and out, that you fucking inspire me. Some days I just want to escape the world and take you with me. Others, I have this urge to show you off because having someone like you makes me more. We all have voices in our heads, and you silence mine.”

“What voices do you have?”

I trace her features and rest my forehead on hers as I give her my weakness. “The same as yours, shitty parents have a way of never really dying.”

The reflections coming from the screen show tears filling her eyes as she speaks so quietly I wouldn’t hear her if we weren’t attached to each other. “Did they hurt you, Tali?”

There’s one secret that no one knows, not even my brothers because they’re psychos who only feel anything for our family and my tone is serious for once as I ask, “Can I trust you?”

There’s no hesitance as she nods.

“When Vlad fought overnight he’d take us with him. If it was during the day, we’d stay home because we had school and in his words, he didn’t want us to be dumb fucks. Since we already knew to run out of the house and go to the church if he wasn’t there, it wasn’t really that big of a deal and the priest would give us cookies until Vlad came home.”

My voice lowers and I pull her closer.

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