Page 105 of Volatile

“Because you’re an egotistical fuck and it was the biggest one that was available?” Val says as he stretches over the side of the stable gate to pick up the bucket we keep for their snacks.

“Because it had a lake and you wanted to drown your wife to make it look like an accident?” I offer.

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with my brother because he laughs to himself and rubs his temple to hide his eyes which is something he has never done before. He’s laughed numerous times, it’s not the sound that’s new, it’s the genuine pleasure when he isn’t covered in blood or exuding violence.

“No,” he says as he looks up. “For the horses; they’re good therapy animals and you two idiots are emotional. Now you have a multitude of emotional support animals, and you’re still throwing tantrums.”

I pat the mare’s neck as she rests her face on my shoulder and say to her, “That’s his way of saying he loves us, you’ll learn this soon, but you see Vlad? He has a lot of mental issues, and they all stop him being nice to us like he wants to.”

She eats an apple as Val stands behind me, holding it out for her and rubbing the top of her head.

“You’re family,” Vlad says, “I’ll die for you but that doesn’t mean you can kill yourselves. This life was built for you, use it, and make sure this,” he taps his temple, “is as clear as it can be.”

He takes a step closer, confirming the devil’s always aware of what happens in the dark as he look at Val. “If that means sneaking a cigarette in the middle of the night or,” he turns to me, “pissing on Len’s grave. Whatever it is, do it because you both have other people waiting for you. And Vitali?”

I hum and he hesitates, which is terrifying.

“Inessa doesn’t hate you, she’s hurt, just give her time.”

My nod is weak but it feels like I’m a kid again and my real father — the one who stepped into the role — is guiding me through life. He’s found me trying to hide and I’ll be okay.

THIRTY-EIGHT

Anastasia

Ismile to myself as I hear Verena mumble, “Oops, spilled it.” Then she softly knocks on Vitali’s door. “Tali, made tea for you.”

I’m hiding in the spare room he turned into my cave so I can’t see him but I know he’ll be rubbing his jaw as he opens the door and his voice is clearer than it should be. “Who helped you today?”

“Mama,” Verena says accompanied by the sound of dripping.

“Yeah, am I fuck trusting it.”

She hums instead of telling him off for cursing and her voice lowers as she asks, “Tali thinking?”

I can’t hear what he says back but she begins babbling, “Papa do thinking, and he makes sad eyes like you.”

“You want to watch movies with me, Vero? But you can’t tell the others where I hide my snacks, okay?”

Their voices get further away once the door clicks and I can’t get rid of the sinking feeling in my gut. Emotions aren’t my strong suit. They’re the thing that ruin everything and I push them away because allowing them means that I’m closer to that fourteen-year-old version of myself who only found relief in death.

I take a deep breath and stare up at the ceiling as I stretch my neck, mentally searching for something to make Tali feel better.

Kristi.

He was worried about her and I said that I’d make sure she’s okay. I don’t know what time teenagers wake up and it’s 10am, so that should’ve given her enough time to have a lie in. But when I try to call her, it says her number is disconnected.

Vitali is busy with his niece so I pull my hood over my head and quietly leave the room. I’d prefer the guards don’t see me but I can’t exactly hide in broad daylight and I have a bad feeling. Kristi wouldn’t get rid of her phone when she enjoys sending Tali random insults whenever she thinks of them. They’re both as bad as each other and he does it to her too.

Dima frowns slightly when he sees me sneaking to the side door, but Vanya pushes herself into his side, taking his attention away from me. As soon as I step outside, I regret it because I haven’t picked up any of the keys and Valentin pauses getting into his car to ask, “Do you need to go somewhere?”

I’d rather not sit with him when I heard him calling me a coke whore and straighten my shoulders. “No, it’s fine.”

“Just get in, I’ll take you wherever you need to go.”

I know he won’t try shit when he’s hopelessly in love with his wife, as he should be. But I’ve rarely been in a car with a man unless I trust them. It took Vlad and Dima seven months to gain that trust, and I hesitantly extend it to the remaining Vartanov as I get in the passenger seat.

It's awkward as fuck and I sound strange as I give Kristi’s address. Even though her number is disconnected I keep trying to call her so I don’t have to engage in small talk with Valentin.

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