Page 104 of Volatile

“Will you speak to me too?” I pull my head back and cup her face with both hands. “I need you, sweetness.”

There’s an audible gulp as her thighs twitch, trying to close as she misconstrues the meaning. I slowly shake my head as I whisper, “Not that, I needyou.We all have our voices, the ones that fuck us up and never die, but with you they aren’t loud and without you, fuck—” I blow out a breath. “Without you all I have are Len and Anika.”

Stasi copies me and gently holds my face as she asks, “Did they hurt you more than what you’ve told me?”

“No,” I shake my head, already knowing that I’m weak as fuck. “The mind games are worse and without anything to numb the memories or their voices, I can’t stop them.”

It’s fucking pathetic to cry over shitty parents when I’m an adult, but she understands, and she hugs me. “They can’t hurt you anymore and they weren’t telling the truth.”

I nod without any belief in what she’s saying. Kissing her cheek, I gently tap her thigh before I pick her up and carry her to bed. The physical exhaustion doesn’t tire my mind and I lay her under the sheets before I kiss her forehead and say, “Go to sleep, malysh, I’m going to check on the horses.”

There’s fear in her voice as she grabs my hand and asks, “You’re coming back?”

“Always, sweetness.”

I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckle directly below my ring that she hasn’t taken off.

I can feel her eyes boring into the back of my head as I walk out of our room and my steps are weighted until I leave the house. Val is standing on the terrace, his head pops up when he sees me and the glowing cherry of his cigarette is hiding beside his thigh as he sighs, “I thought you were Vlad.”

He'll get his ass kicked if Vlad finds out that he sneaks in a cigarette when he’s stressed. For someone so violent and without any moral code, our brother is anal as fuck regarding smoking and drugs.

“You know Inessa thinks the butts belong to the guards,” I say and sound off as I try to force my usual tone.

He notices it and flicks the barely smoked cigarette to the side of the house as he turns towards me, stopping me from escaping to the stables. Placing his hand on my shoulder, he dips his head and checks my eyes to see if I’m high.

“What’s wrong?” he asks like my life isn’t obviously falling apart. “Something happened to that bitchy kid you’re friends with?”

I shake my head and I don’t know how to explain that it all feels wrong. There’s not one specific thing that is drowning me, it’s everything, but I try because he’s always been my confidante.

“Do you ever think of Anika and Len?”

“Every fucking day,” he snorts. “Whenever Viktor does something I’m proud of, Dom pisses me off, or they just look at me, I think about them fuckers and make sure I’m not like them.”

“But do you ever think they gave a fuck about us?” I whisper.

“Valentin asked me that before,” Vlad says from behind us and I nearly jump out of my fucking skin.

“You creepy cunt, are you a ghost, just popping up out of thin air?” Val whines.

He shakes his head and steps around the house dressed in his usual suit but he has a duffel bag in his hand that rustles with each step he takes. “It’s my fucking house. Vasili picked a new horse and he chose one that’s pregnant because he’s a natural pain in the ass.”

The pride in his voice isn’t hidden despite his complaint about his son. Val and I both follow him down the path to the stables like we’re children afraid of being alone again. I’ve seen my brother do a lot of things, many of them have disgusted me, but my eyes widen when he goes into the furthest stable and gently rubs his hand down the mare’s mane. It’s even weirder when the horse doesn’t attempt to attack him since they all hate him.

“Come here,” Vlad says, softly, unlike himself.

We both move and I wince at the way the mare’s belly looks: it’s huge and it looks painful as it huffs. Val is a dumbass, something that isn’t new, but he asks, “Is it going to shit the kid out now?”

Vlad just shakes his head and deadpans, “How have you managed to have children?” He grips Val’s shoulder. “Tomorrow, I’m taking you to that fancy-ass school I paid for and we’re going to get my fucking money back when you open your mouth.”

“Was it a vet school?” he hisses and I can’t hold back my laugh.

“No, you dumb fuck,” I say. “But you clearly missed sex ed if you think a baby comes out of an asshole.”

I step around them as the mare lifts her head towards me and gently stroke the side of her neck. She’s cute as fuck as she brushes my chin with the edge of her nose and I kiss between her eyes.

“I don’t have any sugar cubes, pretty baby,” I whisper to her. “Do you want to eat Val’s brain? He never uses it.”

Father laughs and he softens his voice to say, “You know why I picked this house?”

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