Page 58 of Voracious

His gun brushes against the back of my thigh with the movement.Who needs a gun in the middle of a forest? He could have left it in the car. When he moves back I realize it isn’t his gun, the part of his body touching me wasn’t his hip. I thought he had a small dick and look down seeing a bulge at the front of his trousers. There’s no ants, even with the ones I chose there’s always been that squirming feeling because I don’t want them to touch me at the same time as wanting them to.

Looking back at the sky so I don’t get caught staring, I let my body relax as he steps back and lowers on the attached bench so he’s looking up at the sky too.

“What you looking for, lisichka?”

I’m looking at everything and nothing, it’s all chemicals but they’re out of reach so I can make them be whatever I want. Shuffling to the edge so I can see him and not talk to myself, I turn on my side.

I don’t realize how close I am until the edge of the wood digs into my hip, and I rock, falling onto a hard body. The action has a grunt leaving his lips and blowing across my cheek as I land on top of him. He wraps his arms around me and chokes, “Second time, hellion.”

I have to bite my lip to hide my laugh and he repositions me so I’m straddling his stomach with my head on his shoulder. Looking up, I smile widely knowing the last time I fell on him I ended up kicking him.

“At least I didn’t get your dick this time.”

He slowly drops his head back, his eyes closed, and a grumble on his lips.My humor slowly fades seeing a scar under his jaw, it’s old and his facial hair hides it. Tracing the jagged line with my finger makes me wish I could take it away, he has scars on his knuckles but that’s from him using them, this is from someone hurting him. I’ll kill them and they won’t be able to do it again.

A lump builds in his throat as I ask, “Who did it?”

He doesn’t open his eyes as he answers. “My father didn’t like anyone coming between his fist and my mother.”

It won’t be hard to kill someone in prison, they can’t go anywhere, but he audibly gulps as I press my lips to the scar. His eyes are still closed, and his chest is barely moving up and down under me. I can see his pulse, so I know he’s alive. Without the filing cabinet shouting everything at me, I focus on his features. He always stares at me so it’s fair I do it back. There’s no twitching or movement as he forces himself to be still, other than his fingers tightening against my hips. He has a symmetrical face apart from his lips, one part of his Cupid’s bow is round, but the other is a little bit sharper.

I want him to open his eyes, but he doesn’t so I walk my fingers over his face, so it feels like spiders. They stay closed and I press my fingers into the corners of his lips to gently pull them down and deepen my voice.

“I’m Dima and I hate everyone.”

His eyes snap open and he grabs my jaw to pull my face closer. Our noses touch and I don’t know why I do it other than I want to know how it feels without the ants. Nerves fill me as I close the distance, my eyes are still open, staring into the silver moons when I press my lips against his.

Dima freezes at the contact, it’s a split second, his entire body turning rigid until it melts away and he springs up, bringing me with him. His smile touches my lips, and he looks between my eyes with hope.

“Take them out for me.”

He’s asking for more than just seeingmyeyes. His smile gets wider as I take out my contacts and he holds the back of my head and softly kisses my cheek, asking for permission without a question.

“Tell me to stop.”

I like it, there are no ants, and his lips are soft. Shaking my head in answer, he stands and lifts me onto the table. His lips dance across my skin until his nose is touching mine. Holding my jaw again, he strokes my bottom lip with his thumb and speaks softly with the same gentleness in his eyes.

“Need your words, or I won’t believe you’re real, B.”

He used my letter.

Dima knows Ana isn’t real and he’s not looking away from me.I pinch his cheek in answer, and he seals his lips over them, trapping his soft laugh against my lips. He doesn’t shove his tongue in my mouth or his hand between my legs, it’s a slow kiss with a smile. No ants. But my stomach flutters and they intensify when he threads our fingers together. I lock my feet together at his ass and there’s no training in my head as my body moves, it’s not remembering patterns but doing what it wants.

He doesn’t open up as I flick his bottom lip with my tongue. Annoying idiot. He moves back to stop me biting him and my lips tingle with the soft breeze floating through the small gap. He squeezes my hands as though he’s afraid I’m going to disappear and rests his forehead on mine as emotion fills his voice.

“I’m not going to survive you, am I, lisichka?”

I’m not trying to kill him, if I was then he’d definitely die.I’ve never given anyone the promise before, but it leaves easily.

“I won’t kill you.”

I don’t like the thought of his old hurts, if I had to kill Dima I’d do it painlessly, no guns, knives, violence, or blood — probably pills or an injection while he’s asleep.

He doesn’t say anything but his eyes light up as though I’ve given him the biggest compliment and he lifts our joined hands so they’re closer to my face, his thumbs stroking against my cheeks as he presses his lips to mine again. He lets me deepen it this time and groans into my mouth as soon as our tongues touch. The vibrations travel through his chest, and he lets go ofone of my hands to trace my side. My mind turns back on, feeling my inner thighs get wet, it’s the conditioning taking over, and I can’t stop it. My moans are loud, they don’t sound faked exactly like the training wanted, and he kisses across my jaw to my neck.

I like it but these sounds aren’t mine, they don’t belong to me.

My back arches, pushing our chests together and I freeze when he pulls away. Does he know it’s not real again? That I’m Ana now. Kissing my cheek, he wraps his arms around me, lifting me off the table and his facial hair tickles as he whispers into my ear. “The first time we fuck isn’t going to be somewhere anyone can see you.”

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