Page 51 of Voracious

“Are you okay?”

I nod and press my hand harder to my stomach. “I ate too much.”

She relaxes and gives me a smile. Everyone keeps doing it — smiling at me — since I came out of the hospital, and I don’t know why. There’s no pity behind the curve though, they just do it. Weirdos.

The pain intensifies and I know it’s not because of eating too much at the uncomfortable feeling between my legs. Holding the headrest in front of me, I sit up so that I don’t dirty Inessa’s seats and whisper, “I need to go.”

My driver is an idiot because she looks at me, then down to see the fact I’m squatting and her lips form a small O as she whispers back, “To the bathroom? We’re not very far, can you hold it or has it already… you know?”

“I didn’t shit myself!” I snap and Dani covers her face with her hand. “I didn’t. I think my period is back.”

Dani stops laughing and Inessa calmly says, “Okay, sit down properly. We’re near Steorra so you can get cleaned up there.”

If I sit down, I’ll dirty her seats and I don’t want to have a punishment for it. It’s why I was happy about not having stupid fucking periods anymore. This is all Dima’s fault for making me eat too much, fucking idiot, he’s making my life more complicated.

“Ana, you can sit down,” she says again, softer this time like I’m broken.

Dani does the same as she examines my face, asking, “Is this the first time you’ve had a period?”

“No, I’m not a child.”

The glass frontage of Steorra comes into view and Inessa changes in front of my eyes. I’ve seen her do it every time she has to interact with people and it’s fascinating how she can change her features from warm and open to cold and detached depending on who she’s around. She tilts her chin higher in the air and pushes her shoulders back as she parks outside of the building.

I get out before her and make sure it’s safe. As much as annoying Vlad has become my life goal, I don’t want to do it by Inessa getting hurt. Not when she’s nice and she’s pregnant again. Last time some idiot started shouting at her and she kept pushing me away, so I make sure that no one is in sight and stay behind her and Dani as they walk into Steorra.

There are no children running around like there are usually and she doesn’t speak in front of any the guards as we go to the elevator. The glass walls make her maintain the coldness, but it turns off as soon as we enter the obstructed portion of the elevator shaft, wrapping her arm around my shoulders she asks, “Is it something about Yulia?”

I nod and step away from her touch.

Sharing a look with Dani, she clenches her jaw and takes a deep breath as the elevator beeps. They don’t allow me to walk ahead to check it’s safe, they both stay at my side until we reach Inessa’s office. I go to the bathroom, but Inessa unlocks her desk drawer and asks, “Do you have a preference?”

“For?” I ask, bewildered, she has everything I need in the bathroom, and I don’t think I’ve ignored anything she’s said.

Taking out something from her drawer with a small crease between her brows, she hesitantly says, “Pads or tampons? I’ve got both.”

I just stare.

Yulia never allowed me to use them so I only ever had whatever tissue paper I could steal from the girls’ dorm, andwhen I left her I couldn’t waste money on them, then it stopped and I didn’t need them at all so I’ve never used them.

Dani takes them from her as I quickly turn to lock myself away, but she’s faster and pushes her foot in the doorway so I can’t close the bathroom door in her face. She holds out the two plastic-wrapped items through the gap and softly offers, “They have instructions on them, but I can help you, if you want.”

I snatch them out of her hand, mumbling, “I’m not an idiot.”

She doesn’t argue that I am or that I don’t know anything. Instead, she takes a step back and softly closes the door. Once I’m as alone as I’m going to be, I stare at the items in my hand and try to work out what will be easier to use.

“Is this your first period?” Dani asks, her voice still soft and without any judgement.

“No,” I snap, “I’m not a fucking child.”

There’s no shouting back as she gently says, “There are lots of reasons you might not have had a period, or they could have been really light that you’ve never needed to use anything before.”

I drop the tampon in the sink and go with the pad because that seems foolproof. The plastic tab opens too fucking loudly and they can hear everything I’m doing. It’s embarrassing and I hate Yulia even more because it’s another thing I don’t know. I thought watching the shows would teach me everything so if I ever had friends they wouldn’t notice that I’m weird, but it didn’t help with this.

Closing my eyes, I pull my jeans down and stick the pad between my thighs. It’s uncomfortable and there are weird tape bits that I have to press to the inside of my thighs. It makes me walk funny when I pull my jeans back up and wash my hands before leaving the bathroom.

Both Dani and Inessa smile at me, a crease forms between the latter’s brows as I walk forward and she asks, “Is it uncomfortable?”

I nod. “The sticky bits are pulling my skin.”

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