Page 44 of Voracious

“I don’t need your fucking help.” I catch her wrist before she can do it again and she looks up at me enraged. “I can do things myself. Get off me.”

I have enough sense to turn her around before she can knee me and cross her arms over her chest to save myself as she deflates with a whisper. “I know things and I can do them.”

I’m caught off guard at the sadness in her voice and it stops me from containing my thoughts like I should.

“I know you can, you have, lisichka. Now it’s my job.”

There’s too much honesty but Ana doesn’t hear it over her anger.

I don’t know when it happened, but she went from the annoying fuck I wanted to kill to the perfect hellion I will kill for. Her foot connects with my shin at the same time as her elbow into my ribs, pushing me back enough so she can escape my hold. The wild lost look on her face is going to kill me. Speaking before she gets the chance to, I beg, “Take your contacts out.”

Her hands are free of blood, so she’s already cleaned them but there’s no movement as she pauses. Her brows come together, and she loses some of her anger to confusion. She takes a step forward and plants her feet as though there’s a world I could ever raise my hand to her with malice. Holding her chin between my thumb and forefinger, I wait for those beautiful eyes to be unveiled. Every part of my body is frozen in anticipation as she quietly asks, “Why?”

Because they’re more wonderful than a sunset over a waterfall and a double rainbow in the same scenery.

But my tongue fixates on honesty, and I want to claw the words back as soon as they’ve left my lips.

“Because I want to kiss you, but only when I can seeyou.”

I’m totally fucked when she leans into me and her voice drops, turning slow and husky.

“I never want to kiss you.”

She pushes against my chest as soon as the last word leaves her, and I stay where I am, only allowing my hand to drop from her face.

I fucked up, badly. Ana doesn’t even look at me as she walks out. It’s not the rejection, I’m a grown up, I can deal with that shit. It’s the thought she’s going to run away and that she won’t be at home when I get there.

EIGHTEEN

Ana

Why do I like Dima touching me?

I don’t like it when people touch my face, it always reminds me of someone sweating over me. But when he does it, I don’t want him to stop. It’s always gentle and he always smiles, I hate him. I hate that he’s in my head and he’s being nice when it’s not fake. And that he helps me and sees me, not Ana but me.

He’s a fucking idiot and I should wreck his house but then I’d feel bad. It’s weird being alone in the space and I expect someone to jump out at me as I run to my room. One where Dima annoyingly built furniture when I refused to buy anything. Jackass.

I’ve got used to being inside during the night and I don’t have any ID to be able to get a hotel. Why does everything keep going upside down when I feel like I know what’s happening? I spent my enter life by myself, I know how to live like that. Now, I have people who keep calling me family, not just one butsixpeople. One of them is a child and Dani is going to have her baby soonwhich means there’ll be another one. Then Inessa will have her baby and there’ll be another. Eight people after having nobody.

I don’t slam the door and pull my bag forward as I sit against the door with my knees up. Taking my notebook out, I use more lines than I usually do, talking to the only person who has always been there.

The front door opens, cutting off my conversation, and I quickly shove everything in my bag. My sticker is still on the floor, and I gently place it on top so it doesn’t get damaged,and wait for Dima to stomp up the stairs. I know he fought, I stayed at the edge of the warehouse, watching him as he got into the cage extra grumpy, and he didn’t wash the blood off. He normally doesn’t like it being on his skin for too long, but he must have been pissed because he thought I didn’t know what I was doing. I did. All three of them were going to fight me and then I would kill them when they were tired because they kept talking about how easy it would be to make me blow them. Dumb fucks, mouths can be weapons too and I’d never let them touch me with their dirty dicks.

Dima usually goes to his room to shower after a fight, but his steps are slow, and he pauses outside the door.I freeze with the strap of my bag on one shoulder and watch the lights move under the door, showing his hesitation.

Fuck it, I’ll jump out of the window. He’s stood outside the door so at least I won’t land on him this time. I keep my steps silent and go to the window, making sure nothing alerts him to the fact that I’m inside. I manage to get one leg out when there’s a soft knock on the wood. His voice comes through next, and I freeze.

“Can I come in?”

It’s his house, why is he asking me what he can do?

My urgency is increased as he knocks again, and I end up slamming my knee off the windowsill as I try to push my body out. I nearly fall out of the damn thing when he bursts through the door. His nostrils are flared and he’s even bigger as he reaches me in four steps before I can jump out. He grabs my arm, pulling me inside while I plot another escape. My head is all messed up and I don’t want to hurt him, he already got punched in the ribs and there’s a cut on his forehead that wasn’t there when I left the warehouse. There’s a red mark on his jaw too. They have my full focus because I’ve seen him fight, he’s never taken a shot to the head, or the face, he always manages toblock them. His opponent must have been someone new because there’s no one’s skill level that I can think of who would be able to get past him.

The hand on my arm drops straight away and he speaks softly despite the anger on his face, an apology weaving between his demand.

“Don’t leave, you can stay.”

He’s being polite, he doesn’t know it will end badly. I’m not allowed to be close to people or they get hurt. Like Nina and Theo. No, not Nina yet. She can still be alive.

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