Page 35 of Voracious

Vlad assesses me then shakes his head. “That’s impossible, he’s dead.”

He’s not dead, he’s with B. Both of them are hiding and he’s looking after her, he’s making sure no one hurts her and keeping her safe.

The dumb fuck doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and I ball my hands, readying to go to war for the truth, my truth.

He tries to speak gently but it’s still rough as he explains, “I killed him before you were born, unless your mother was pregnant for seven years, he’s not your father, pipsqueak.”

But that means B is alone, that she doesn’t have anyone. Like me.

Everything is loud and silent like the noise in the room is amplified but my mind is muting it. Everyone looks at me and there’s not enough air in the room. Tali tries to smile at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes as he blindly picks up the padded envelope before he comes closer. He acts like there’s no one else around us and keeps his voice low.

“Roll it on the inside of your cheek, I can do it for you if you want.”

I’m blinking, waiting for the world to make sense, as he pulls out a tube with a cotton bud in it.I numbly take it from him and just stare at it then hand it back without unscrewing the cap. I can’t have family, Marlo said I don’t. That I shouldn’t have been born, I’m evil and my parents are pathetic, they gave me to Yulia because they knew I was evil. People who are wrong don’t have family. But Tali would be a good big brother, so would Valentin. He always makes jokes even if they hurt people,especiallyif it hurts them he’ll say it.No, I can’t because then I’ll be related to the freak I hate. I’d rather be Ana than have Marlo as my dad.

Tali softens as my mouth opens and no words come out. I haven’t forgotten how to speak but I look at him for help. He moves slowly, taking the stick out and rolling it on my cheek. It tickles and Vlad’s annoying voice breaks the silence.

“I’ll take it, wait here.”

He shares a look with Dima that’s meant to make him follow, but Dima turns around and scans me from head to toe. I expect him to tell me not to run away but he doesn’t. He smiles, the corners of his lips lifting a fraction, and says, “Order whatever you want, you haven’t eaten all day.”

Tali finishes swabbing my cheek, then does the same to his own before he passes the envelope off on his way to the takeout menus and begins flipping through them. I wonder what would make him lose his appetite? It’s probably all the drugs he takes that make him hungry.

He’s so excited it changes the atmosphere when Vlad and Dima leave. Letting him choose what to order because food is his area of expertise, I blink to make sure I’m looking at the right thing. The cake that was in the center of the table while we were watching movies is here. An arm comes around my shoulders and Tali kisses my head.

“It’s yours, I didn’t put candles on it, but I’ve got some in my pocket. You know I won’t let anyone take you away again, right?”

I ignore his question and focus on the cake. I’m not a child but I really want to blow out a candle. It looks fun on TV shows when people make a wish and I stop myself from asking for them when I don’t have a wish so it would be stupid to do it without one.

He keeps me tucked into his side as he taps on his phone and orders what I think is at least one thing from every takeout place. He doesn’t speak to me like I’m fucked up and shows care that has my shoulders twisting uncomfortably.

“Are you okay?”

The question makes me pause. I don’t have an answer and I quickly nod. I think I am, but the filing cabinet is getting unorganized because I don’t know things. He doesn’t force me to talk and smiles at me, at Ana, and guides me over to the sofa as though he lives here. He knows where everything is and he’s comfortable putting on one of his horror movies as we wait, and he talks shit.

“I’ve known you existed for as long as I can remember. When I was five, I asked Vlad where my sister was, but he said that we don’t have one and not to ask again. It was the first and only time he’s ever really shouted at me, like the same way he speaks to other people, so I never mentioned it again, but I always knew you existed.”

I don’t think I’m processing the world. Everything is still around me other than the movie playing out, but I can’t take it in. It moves in a blur as though time has distorted and fractured, moving me into the future as the sequel is put on. It doesn’t go back to normal until the door opens and Dima walks in with Vlad and Valentin on his heels. They don’t give anything away, but Valentin is staring at me. I move over so we don’t touch as he takes a seat beside me, and Vlad stands in front of the three ofus. He’s dramatic as fuck, dropping a sheet of paper on the coffee table.

Turning my head instead of picking it up, I don’t know what it means. It just says 28% match, that must mean they’re wrong. If we were related it would be 100%. Until Tali shatters everything with a wide smile. “I fucking knew it, I always said we had a sister and you said I was wrong. Dumb fuck.” He looks at Vlad and smiles widely. “And you shouted at me for saying it.”

My brain isn’t working correctly, and he pulls me into his arms as Dima grumbles behind Vlad.

If Marlo is my dad then...

Pushing away from Tali so I don’t be sick on him, I run to bathroom and arms catch me before my knees can touch the floor. No. Someone wouldn’t do that to their daughter. He wouldn’t make me stand naked and use his cane to tell me everything that was wrong with me if I was his child.

My hair is kept out of my face as Dima holds it at my nape and whispers, “I’ve got you, lisichka.”

For some reason I don’t move away from him, and he doesn’t say anything while I keep throwing up.

I’ve seen Vlad and Valentin with their children, they don’t hurt them. They don’t make them do things they don’t want to do, or make them watch horrible things, and keep branding them when they try to run away. They don’t make them want to run away. Was Marlo nice to them? Because they’re not wrong and I am? No Vlad killed him, he was beaten to death, and no one could even recognize the man’s face when we burned his body.No one even knew it was his dad, Dima said it was one of the people from the warehouse.

I remember thinking Marlo was my dad and Yulia was my mom. They said they weren’t. I’m going to fucking kill her. I’ll take out her womb first and slowly deconstruct every fucking part of the bitch. She always said it was the perfect productbecause they created themselves while lining her pockets. The stupid fucking bitch was speaking from fucking experience. All those fucking times she’d make me collect ‘damages’ when the girls were pregnant like she wasn’t fucking charging extra for the clients not to use protection.

No.

They were right and I have sickness inside of me. It’s inherited and I’m like them. My throat burns at how many children were born, just like me, to be used and put back into her fucking perverted factory.

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