Page 30 of Voracious

“I got all of my favorites. They’ll be yours too.”

Looking from the piles of food he has on the table to his body that should definitely be a lot bigger, I stop myself from asking what he’s taken. It’s not my job and he’s an adult. But there’s a part of my brain that doesn’t want him to get hurt. He’s always nice to me and the guards don’t say anything in front of him either.

He keeps me by his side until I’m sat beside him on the sofa, and I put my feet up. He puts on random movies that we’ve talked about as I settle into the comfort of it being normal again. He always does this. Apart from there being more food than usual, it’s just a normal day. I can fully relax when Dima goes away, and we share all the snacks. There’s a huge cake in the middle of the table, the same one I spoke to Dima about yesterday.

No, Tali always eats.

He keeps food in his pockets when we’re working.

Dress shoes tap on the floor, spoiling my good mood and Vlad’s annoying voice is right behind me.

“Office, pipsqueak.”

I remind myself that people I like will be sad if I kill him and keep repeating it as I follow him. Hopefully there’ll be someone I can kill, or he knows something about Nina.If I kill him, Inessa and Tali will be upset, but he’s so fucking annoying and I don’t walk in front of him because he’ll kick me in the ankle again. Even the back of his head is annoying, and I really want to punch it as he walks to his office.

I don’t sit in the seat opposite his desk, it’s not a fucking business meeting. His suit would look right if it was. He ignores me standing opposite his desk and takes his seat as I survey his bar cart.

“Don’t touch any of that.” He straightens his cuffs and I turn. “You’re not good enough for my top shelf. Sit down.”

“Fuck off.” I roll my eyes and lean against the back of the chair while I wait for whatever task he has.

“What did Marlo look like?”

I’ve told him before, so the senile bastard should remember. My irritation shows with having to repeat a conversation we had two years ago.

“He had brown hair and eyes. Wore glasses and he had a cane.”

He could walk fine; I saw him without it when he’d spend the night. But he always had it with him and the memory of the taps as he walked send a shiver through my body.

Vlad’s not insulting me or trying to hit me for once. He’s interrogating me. “Was there anything that stood out about his speech?”

I shrug because the only thing he ever repeated is that I’m weak and wrong. I don’t tell Vlad that, he’ll use it against me. He opens his desk drawer without looking away from me and drops a pad and paper in front of me.

“Can you draw him?”

Why is he being so fucking weird?

I can’t see images in my head, I can dream them but when I close my eyes there’s nothing there. If I see someone, I’ll recognize their face instantly, it’s dumb and doesn’t make sense and I tell him that.

“I’d be able to recognize him, but I can’t see pictures in my head.”

He doesn’t say anything, not even call me weird, he just continues staring at my face. His eyes dart down to my shoulder, but my t-shirt covers my skin. Looking down to see if there’s a stain, there’s no mark there and I’m dismissed as he flicks his fingers towards the door.

Rude asshole, he could have spoken.

I’m content to go back to my bingeing session but I freeze as the room I left isn’t the one I come back to. There are people everywhere and they’re all looking at me. Not just looking at me butsmilingat me. My heart starts beating too fast and my head spins. I don’t want them to look at me anymore. Or smile. It’s fake and not real, they’re not smiling at me but at Ana. And she isn’t a real person.

Dima walks forward until I can’t see anything other than him. He holds my elbow, gently walking me away from the crowd. He doesn’t let go and it’s soft enough that I could rip my arm away out of his reach, but I don’t as he leads me outside near the pool. His hand moves up my arm until he’s holding the back of my head and I’m trying not to have a heart attack when my cheek touches his chest. My nose itches at the smell of his cologne pushing into my nose.

Something soft touches my hair and I realize it’s his lips when he asks against the strands. “What’s wrong, lisichka?”

Why is he calling me a little fox? I’m not little. Or an animal. But I don’t ask that and sound weak telling the truth.

“Everyone was looking at me.”

When people stare it’s bad, it means they can see what you’re hiding. Marlo always said it would happen, that I can’t hide how evil I am. Then Yulia would punish me, waiting for whatever the wrong things were to leave, as though it was in my blood and if I bled enough then it would drain away.

Dima moves back and tilts my chin up with his knuckles. The smile is on his face again but it’s not fake when he saw my eyes.

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