Page 149 of Voracious

“Vanya Vartanova,” I nod and trace the corner of her lips.

She snort-laughs. “Sounds like a superhero.”

Fuck, I love her even more in each breath and I cup her cheek, massaging her jaw with my palm as I watch her in awe of how she’s survived to be a peaceful-violent contradiction.

She’s even sweeter as she softens, kissing my palm and whispering, “Thank you for making me real.”

“Thank you for coming back to me,” I whisper back.

Epilogue

vanya

Ever since my conversation with Dima about the future, I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t think I’d be good in a normal job and after checking the account Vlad set up for me, I’ll never have to actually work. But I can’t do nothing and killing people will be harder if I’m old. Inessa has mentioned helping her with Steorra at the new branch she’s opened, but she’d be pissed if someone found out I killed someone. I can’t work with children who are being hurt then do nothing, it’s wrong to know and turn a blind eye to it, so there’s no if about me killing it’s more about being found out.

Those questions about the future are hard, but the family ones are harder. I always dreamed of being part of a family until I lost hope. Would I be a good parent? Probably not. I’m a bit of a psycho and it would be half crazy. Someone physically snaps me out of my thoughts as familiar arms wrap around me from behind. Dima presses his lips to my cheek and his voice is soft as he asks, “What are you thinking about, beautiful?”

I don’t know how to tell him I want something I’ll be bad at.

My voice comes out small and I tuck my chin to my chest, feeling guilty for wanting to ruin someone.

“I think I’d want a family, but I won’t be good at it.”

He turns me around so fast it makes me dizzy. He picks me up and sits me on the counter, so we’re eye level. There’s nothing but belief in his voice as he steps between my thighs and declares, “You are perfect and so fucking pure that you don’t even see it.”

Cupping my face with both hands, he strokes my cheeks with his thumbs and presses a chaste kiss to my lips.

“It’s impossible for you not to be good, you wouldn’t hurt our kids, or let anyone else. You wouldn’t force them into some fucked up mold of who they have to be. If that’s what you want, you’ll be amazing and their biggest protector. Never for a moment think you are anything other than perfect, lisichka.”

His conviction is so strong it overrides my doubt as he kisses each of my cheeks, moves up to my forehead then my lips before moving back and there’s a new nervousness on his features. He isn’t a loud person but he’s never this softly spoken.

“Come somewhere with me?”

It sounds like a question rather than telling me, so I nod and wait for him to move so I can get down. He doesn’t let me and picks me up. I could get used to being carried everywhere, it makes me feel taller and I like seeing the world from his height.

Holding me with his arm under my ass, he doesn’t put a hand up my dress. It’s my first real birthday and I wanted to make an effort so I can always remember celebrating it and knowing who I am. I have a name and I’m real, there are people who know me, so I’ll be remembered. I can’t go missing now because they’re all crazy like me and Tali was making a big deal out of his surprise.

Dima walks us out of the house, and he doesn’t go towards the car but the trees. Reaching the cleared area with a bench, he gently sets me on my feet and presses his lips against mine.

“Keep your eyes closed for me.”

The nerves have intensified, and I nod as I close my eyes. My cheeks move up as his lips press against each of my fingers then my palm, but he doesn’t say anything as leaves rustle. I have to fight to keep my eyes closed rather than check for intruders.

His voice is low and filled with emotion, but he doesn’t tell me to open my eyes so I keep them closed as he says, “I love you, Vanya, no matter what your name is or—” Cutting himself off, he curses under his breath. “Fuck, open your eyes, lisichka.”

I slowly blink and my eyes go wide seeing Dima on one knee holding a ring box. I’m pretty sure my mouth is open with no words coming out and he smiles up at me, continuing his speech.

“I’ll meet you on any planet in any galaxy, I know you like I know my own name, and I want you to share it with me. Ty vyydesh’ za menya, Vanya?”

I think I nod but I don’t know if I moved.

He doesn’t do anything, and I realise I definitely didn’t move.

“Yes please,” I squeak, unsure of words and never the answer.

He blows out a watery laugh and places the biggest sapphire I’ve ever seen on my ring finger. He kisses the back of my hand before wrapping his arms around my thighs and rising to his full height as I laugh, turning giddy.

“Happy birthday, beautiful, ya tebya obozhayu,”1 he says as he presses his lips to the middle of my chest.

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