Page 117 of Voracious

“I have a name.”

It’s not B, she’s not in a forest but it’s?—

“Vanya, it suits you.”

Dima cuts my thoughts off and he says my name for the first time. He’s never called me Ana before, and it feels right because she’s fake, this is real. It’s all real, I have parents and they thought I was dead. I have a mom somewhere and she’ll brush my hair and tell me stories. A dad who cried when he’s not capable of emotions, he’s a sociopath and I’m a psycho because I inherited it.

I cry harder because I don’t want him to be my dad, he’s annoying and I always thought my dad would be fun. He’d be nice and play games with me that don’t involve fucking with my head, and my mom would be nice too, she’d read me stories about the moon. My dad wouldn’t be a fucking crazy person and I’d be normal too. We’d all be normal together.

I shake as I cry, “I don’t want a weird freak as my dad.”

Now all my comforts have been tainted and I don’t have them anymore, I have nothing. The stories that I made up are gone, the little secrets I hid in my mind have been ruined and it’s likethe bouncy ball. Like my sticker when Dima ripped it. They’re all gone.

Dima just holds me and strokes my hair with his lips pressed against my forehead as he attempts to calm me.

“I’ve got you. No one will make you do anything you don’t want to.” He hugs me and allows me to break with all the confusion while reassuring me. “Only you get to decide who you are. I know you, lisichka, you’re real and you’re mine.”

I hug him back as the feeling returns to my limbs and I take out the pendant on his chain. My smiley face stares back at me as he continues whispering, “My hellion, my beautiful woman.”

Once my tears stop, all the anger floods my system. Dima knows me too well and he’s not being anything other than helpful as he asks, “Want to kill someone?”

Movement through the back window gets my attention and Vlad stops dead in his tracks, he doesn’t do anything as he stares at me. He doesn’t blink or look away, the lump growing in his throat, and he looks wrong. The blood has been wiped from his face, but he’s paler and his eyes look creepy with the icy blue surrounded by red and only the moonlight illuminating him. I hug Dima tighter and rest my chin on his shoulder as I watch him, waiting for anything to give away that this is all a lie. A laugh, a smirk, anything.

But he doesn’t do any of them as his phone lights up. Without looking away from me, he brings it to his ear and the first normal Vlad emotion crosses his face — rage. He stares at me as he walks backwards to his car and I focus on Dima.

He asked me a question and I smile, knowing there’s only one person left. “Not someone, Yulia.”

He can’t come with me. She’ll hurt him and I’ll lose everything, so I keep my plans hidden and kiss his cheek. He doesn’t let me do anything alone, he’ll attach himself to me and not care about the danger. Yulia isn’t like normal people or theother sick fucks he’s been around. She’s twisted, her mind is worse than Marlo’s and she’s a planner so she can’t know he exists, or he’ll be like bouncy ball, and she’ll melt him.

Climbing into my seat so I can get everything in order, I give a silent apology for what I’m about to do and hurting my favorite person. Dima deserves a happy life, not one that I keep messing up by just existing. All he wanted was to go somewhere today but he doesn’t mention it as we drive home. Even when his father turned up, it was overshadowed by Nina, because of me. As soon as Yulia is dead I’ll say sorry and promise not to do it again. Yeah, I’ll promise to be a better person and never hurt him again so that he keeps me.

I go to the one contact I have that always knows everything and Amon doesn’t make me wait for the information I need.

Me:

I want the address

Amon:

She’s landing in LaGuardia in two hours

Don’t tell anyone else

You’ll have one hour alone. Use it wisely.

How the fuck is she already here?

Vlad.

Turning back to look at the devil, he’s standing beside his car, his phone still at his ear, and staring after us as Dima drives away. He hasn’t moved from his spot, and he was going to take my revenge from me.

Asshole.

I deserve it more, I lived under her boot for sixteen years, and when you’re born with a boot on your neck you do anything you can just to be able to breathe.I’m wrong, evil, everything theysaid about me because I only ever wanted to breathe but my air was dependent on doing the sickening things they wanted. So if anyone is going to kill her, it’s me. Not Vlad who hasn’t been affected by her, he got to have a life, a family, I don’t. I was left to be Ana, a ghost, a person who doesn’t exist.

Amon’s an asshole too, he told people we’re friends and can’t even fucking do this for me. Two hours isn’t enough time. I need to keep her alive for years and then she’ll die when I’m bored of torturing her.

Inessa’s messages come through and I try not to look at them, but my finger moves while my mind protests.

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