Page 80 of Vulnerate

Kissing his head, I nod. “Promise, little man. Go to sleep.” I don’t loosen my arms as I rest my lips on his crown. “I love you, you know that, right?”

There’s no answer and I tilt my head back, looking down to check if he’s fallen asleep, and his eyes are closed. I don’t let him go when he’s always been the only person who can stop the hurt of Dani’s rejection, so I hold on to him when I’m meant to protect and comfort him, but he does it naturally as he sleepily mumbles, “Love you too, Dad.”

THIRTY-ONE

Valentin

Asmall foot kicks me in the face and I grab his ankle to stop Viktor from causing any more damage as he wriggles like a fish. I wince when his body twists, his knee getting dangerously close to my balls, and pretend to sniff his foot. Scrunching my nose up, I ask, “Did you shower? Your feet stink.”

He rolls his eyes and wriggles until he’s the right way up and has too much energy for first thing on a morning.

“Yeah, after I went in the pool,” he says, laying his head beside mine on the pillow to look up at me. “Can you answer my question now?”

I was dumb as fuck as a kid, clearly not inheriting that trait from me, he’s more mature than anyone else in the house and speaks far beyond his years.

“Jax said that everyone has a mom, but I don’t have one.”

Jax is a little dickhead that doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Rather than curse out his new friend I pretend to be an adult. Speaking slowly to buy time for some magical answer, I ask, “Do you want one?”

It’s a dumb question and his little brain even realizes it.

He sighs wearily and stares up deep in thought. I call him little man not because of his maturity, but due to him making me a man. Before Viktor I had one singular focus, Dani. I was a dumbass teenager not understanding the importance of shit beyond what I wanted. Just like he did when I first held him, he softened the blow of her absence in my life.

His sadness is palpable in the air, and he turns to me with big watery eyes, then whispers, “Did she think I was annoying?”

The dumb prick who thought they were clever bullying a kid doesn’t even realize how much that one word has stuck to him. I sit up and gently pull him with me as I give him the truth.

“No, and you’re not annoying.” Before lying through my fucking teeth. “You had a mom, but she wasn’t healthy and she couldn’t take care of you. She loves you and she knows how clever you are, it’s not because of you, okay?”

I wait with bated breath as I mask my features, hoping to fuck he doesn’t ask anything more.

His smile is slow, and I know exactly what it means before he even utters a word — he’s worked something out and feels smug. Wrecking me, he paints the dream I sold myself for years.

“Is it Dani? She’s Brazilian and Vlad said I’m half Brazilian and I’ve never met anyone who is before.” He sits up on his knees, each word a dagger scraping against my insides. “And she can paint, I like painting too.”

The kid is killing me, I’ve been in fights less brutal than this.

I’d take a thousand death matches against the devil himself over having to crush his happiness. It’s all Dani’s fault. It’s irrational as fuck to blame her but she could have been here, helped the lie become reality. She might not have given birth to him, but she’s been more of a mother to him than Carly.A mop could also be more of a mother than that cunt, but the sentiment still counts.

I hold Viktor’s shoulders to keep him still but he deflates before I’ve even spoken. His eyes avert, dropping to the sheets and color muted by his dark lashes.

“She’s not your mom,” I say weakly.

He throws himself forward, wrapping his arms around my neck. As much as I’ve missed him being younger and needing me, I hate the circumstances because he’s hiding, and I rub circles on his back like he’s still a baby. I take out my phone to relay the conversation to Dani, hoping it changes her mind. The only people whose opinions matter are in this bed and as soon as she understands that, all three of us will be happier. I’m tempted to ignore her feelings and kidnap her, chain her ass up so that Viktor’s sadness leaves, but then I’ll be forced to witness hers.

He stays attached to me and seems younger as I get us both ready for the day. He doesn’t even leave me to brush his teeth and sits on the vanity with his eyes downcast as he lazily moves the toothbrush around his mouth. But he doesn’t let me pick him up, instead he slips off the vanity to walk beside me with his shoulder stuck to my hip.

My usually happy kid is like a shell as we go down the stairs and walk into the kitchen. Viktor’s steps falter when he sees Dani sat opposite Tali and looks up at me, he doesn’t say anything to her and gives her a tight lipped smile before quickly looking away. She spent the night, stayed in his fucking bed instead of with me. Due to our conversation or sensing my mood, my son stays by my side. He doesn’t let Tali drag him into their usual arguing which is weird as fuck.

Tali lowers his voice and drops the bullshit as he turns serious; a rarity for him.

“Vik, you good?”

He nods his head while looking at his feet and my chest aches. He’s not a sad kid, it’s rare he gets upset and I force out an excuse.

“He’s not feeling well.”

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