Page 78 of Vulnerate

She presses her hand to my chest, right over the organ she owns. A soft whisper floats up and there’s longing in her eyes.

“I want kids.”

She’s so amazing and I kiss her cheek to hide my giddiness. Excitement floods me as I speak against her cheek, “We’ll start trying tonight rodnaya.”

Viktor will be a good big brother, and I’ll finally have the one piece missing from my family.

Her cheek moves away from my lips as she takes a step back and holds her hand up when I try to move forward.

“Wecan’t. Do you realize how fucked up that is? Your kids would be cousins, for fuck’s sake.”

I grew up in the best dysfunctional family there is. My brother became both of my parents and Dima was like a stepdad picking up the slack when Vlad became a Vor.

Shrugging because I don’t give a fuck, she bugs her eyes out at me. She’s adorable as fuck throwing her hands in the air re-enacting a conversation that will never happen.

“Oh, meet my brother-cousin, and this is my sister-cousin. No, she’s my aunt and my siblings mom.” My smile gets wider, but she deflates and lowers her voice, “There are modern families and then there’s a psychiatrist’s dream.”

By Vartanov standards, that’s normal.

I don’t tell Dani about the fucked up cunts who are on my birth certificate. It would only make her upset and she’s intelligent enough to run away and distance herself from it. Holding her jaw, I say the only thing that matters.

“You are mine, and we can do whatever the fuck we want.”

I tap my thumb off her bottom lip waiting for her to agree, that’s all she has to do, and I’ll give her the fucking world.

Instead, she doubles down and pushes against my chest. Physically there’s only a few inches of space, emotionally it’s a crater as she says, “It’s better this way, neither one of us will be hurt in the end.”

The little liar is ignoring my pain right now. I transfer my heartache to her, and I have to force out the words as I watch her eyes pull down in the corners.

“At least you’re not being a pathetic fucking coward this time. Fuck you, Dani.”

I turn without saying anything more, my jaw aching from how hard I’m guarding every horrible thing I think of.

I’m a dumb fuck. She has me on a string, ready to pull me in only to disappear as soon as she’s done with me. Slamming the door like a toddler, I wait in the car to make sure she gets home safe. Carly has disappeared and there are no fights on tonight to get everything out of my head. I need something to calm me but the only person who has ever brought peace into my life refuses to stay in it.

I’ve turned into a stalker as Dani leaves when a car pulls up. The sticker shows it’s a car service, but I hate the cunt who’s driving. They’ll get time with her, soak up her smiles and presence while I’m tailing behind like a psychotic fuck.

I go home instead of making a detour to search for some asshole that deserves a beating, and I smile at the sight of my weird ass family. Dani’s deluded as fuck to think there’s any world where she wouldn’t fit in. Inessa, Tali, and Viktor are having one of their pampering sessions with face masks and cucumbers on their eyes while Vlad goes through the details for tomorrow’s fight.

All of this is looked at as normal despite the deep scarring on Tali’s knee, his tattoos, or Vlad being in a three piece suit with more brutality in his hands than a war general. But my girl thinks anyone would have the balls to look down at her.

Licking my finger as I walk behind the sofa, I shove it in Tali’s ear just to fuck with him. It’s all his fault for bringing Dani home. Asshole. He slaps at my hand and shouts, breaking the calm, “What the fuck man?!”

He looks ridiculous glaring up at me as he takes one cucumber slice away but the weird shit on his face doesn’t show his full disgust.

“Filthy fuck, I don’t know where your mouth or fingers have been.”

In your best friend.

He takes an elbow to the ribs and Inessa’s face doesn’t move as she reprimands him. “Language.”

I choose not to put his mind at ease as I sit opposite the all-knowing Vlad, and he nods his head silently asking what’s up. Holding my hand up in the shape of a C, we both look to Viktor making sure his eyes are still covered. Tali’s nosey ass joins our silent conversation, and he takes his phone out utilizing the group chat, rather than let the others in the room know what’s happening.

Tali:

What did she say?

Me:

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