Page 6 of Vulnerate

Daniela

Mr. Ramsey taps on my desk, and I look up from my daydream, blinking back into his classroom. Giving me a soft smile, he holds out a slip and gently says, “Collect your things, it looks like you’re needed at home.”

Every part of my body goes cold because Mom has been sick for years. My parents go to a new doctor every month searching for anything that will help her and I haven’t spoken to her in months because she’s been too tired from all the trials. A deathly cold washes over me and I shove everything into my bag snatching the slip from him.

Dad said she was feeling better last night. She couldn’t talk because the new meds made her tired, as always, but he wouldn’t have lied. My eyes are already burning before I can get to the admin office as I rush through the hallway. I can’t remember what our last conversation was, Mom has always favored speaking to Carly over me. Their conversations can last for hours, and she usually doesn’t have any energy left once they’re done.I was the unhappy accident; they were content with one child, it was always their plan but then I came along. I can’t remember atime before she was sick. But she’s still my mom and if she gets better then I’ll have the opportunity to have her like Carly did.

The door fights back, hitting me in the shoulder as I push into the office with too much force, I can’t feel the sting with my sisters presence in front of me. She doesn’t come into my school. Vlad is my emergency contact to make my parents’ lives easier and I can’t think of a time it’s ever been used. Ending her conversation with the receptionist, she holds my shoulder and walks us out of school not telling me if Mom is dead or alive.She’s not crying as she takes her phone out and I’m staring at the side of her face, trying to understand whether I should be grieving or not.

She stops outside the doors at the top of the stone steps and then splits her attention between her phone and me as she smiles, rubbing the top of my head like I’m a child. Finally looking away from the screen she says, “Happy birthday, don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.” Then gestures behind me with her chin.

I turn and see Vitali’s car, but any happiness over being able to spend time with him is muted by not knowing if my mom is okay. The emotion chokes me, lowering my voice as I ask, “What about Mom?”

Her brows come together, and she speaks slowly like I’m an idiot, “She’s still in the hospital?”

Is it so fucking hard for her to use her brain for half a second and realize what my first thought would be? Pushing away from her before I say something I regret, I run down the steps as Tali gets out of the car, meeting me at the bottom. He stares in the direction my sister is walking and wraps his arms around me.

“Did she give you shit for coming with us?” Shaking my head, he kisses my hair and gets the reason for my mood right on his second guess. “Oh fuck, I didn’t think. I sent you a message, so you’d know it was me, but my phone died.”

I hug him back, accepting his apology as he kisses the top of my head again, breathing easier because I’m not an orphan yet.

Valentin is staring through the side mirror, I can’t see his eyes with the shades covering them, but his face is set in hard lines. He doesn’t relax and moves his head out of view as I give him a nervous smile. Tali ignores his brother’s weird ass behavior and walks me to the passenger seat, then holds his arm out, being dramatic as he opens the door.

“Your carriage, I’ve got snacks and a pillow in the back.”

He’s not offering to share, and I know better than to ask. He’ll be asleep as soon as we start driving and I’ll just steal them out of his bag.

I’ve never sat in the front when Val drives, I’m the one in the back staring at his face in the mirror and looking away before I can get caught. Folding into the seat, he doesn’t look at me and keeps his face straight ahead. There’s not a sound from him as we drive, and Tali refuses to tell me where we’re going.

“It’s a surprise for my best girl, now shut up so I can go to sleep.” He lays on the back seat and his brother comes to life once he’s limp.

Valentin switches the speakers off in the front and keeps his voice low, so he’s not heard from the passenger on the backseat.

“Happy birthday Dani, close your eyes and open your hand.”

Doing as he says, I hold my hand out over the center console waiting for my gift. I always get something from him, it’s usually art supplies or something I’ve mentioned I want, this feels different, and warmth engulfs my hand. It’s gone before I can open my eyes and a velvet box replaces what I hope was Val’s hand.

Opening it carefully, I tilt my head like it will help me see it sooner. It’s a necklace. A dark stone hovering in a circle of rose gold with ornate etchings, the numerals on the side are all the number five and have no meaning. They’re just for design purposes but it’s pretty and I lean over kissing his cheek without thinking. As soon as my lips touch Valentin’s skin I freeze, I don’t move back like a normal person and say against his face, “Thank you. For my necklace.”

His light stubble scrapes my lips as he nods with his fists tightening on the steering wheel.I focus on anything but what I did as I quickly plaster my back and head against my own seat where I should have stayed.

It was innocent.

It’s not a big deal, I kiss Tali’s cheek all the time. But I don’t have any lustful thoughts about him, Tali is like an anti-turn on. Remembering he’s asleep behind us, I manage to control myself from spiraling and flip down the visor. I don’t know what the stone is, but it feels warm against my chest as I put my necklace on. Val keeps looking at me from the corner of his eye without moving his head and I can see little flickers of blue darting to me in my periphery under the frame of his dark glasses.

His elbow brushes mine as I rest my arm on the center console, and he doesn’t bring up the weird moment in the kitchen as he asks, “Are you having a party? Carly said she’s left it up to you to decide.”

If it was my sister’s choice, the house would be filled with people, and I’d know none of them, and I laugh at the idea of everyone I know in one room. I shake my head and relax against the headrest twisting to look at him as I say, “I have exactly 1.5 friends. I don’t think that’s enough to form a party.”

I’m a recluse, the weirdo who always has paint or clay on them. People are annoying, they have opinions and expectations. Clay doesn’t – it’s filled with opportunity and potential. Art can be fucked up, a mistake, but it will always find a home. Sometimes that home is in the trash. But it’s never wrong. It doesn’t sit there waiting for anyone, it just exists on its own to be appreciated or ignored without any reason other than to be.

He slows down and copies me as he flicks his eyes from the road to me and holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger. A crease comes over the top of his glasses and I can only see my reflection in them as he asks, “Who’s the half person?”

He is. We’re not really friends, our only link is his brother, and he would never spend time alone with me, but I point towards the back seat and deflect with a joke.

“Tali’s appetite.” As though the reminder was needed, he wakes up and Val abruptly drops his hand from my face.

I miss the warmth and stare out of the window to hide it from him. A hand covers my eyes from behind and Tali’s voice is filled with excitement, making me smile. “No peeking we’re nearly there and Val’s even going to carry you around like a queen all day.”

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