Page 39 of Vulnerate

I do the same and disinfect everything. “Nice try, I’ve already told you it’s not happening.”

He shrugs to himself and rolls the seat closer as I put on my gloves. The next words out of his mouth have my heart clenching.

“You’ll do it one day. You always give me whatever I want.”

It will never change and he’s the only thing worth protecting. I pull my t-shirt off and wait until he’s decided which spot he wants to fill up today. His only mission in life is to send me to an early grave and he stares at the kot on my chest before he gives me that cute as fuck smile and asks, “Will you do mine when I’m older?”

Fuck no. That’s my first thought.

I don’t want this life for him, I don’t want him to have to fight, or be a dick to people in the name of survival. But he’s so excited at the prospect of it that I can’t say no as I sit on the edge of the tattoo bed and wait for him to put the stencil on my arm.

“One day,” I say low in my throat.

My little tattoo apprentice pauses with the transfer paper on my arm, his eyes are huge and they’re so innocent as he softens. “Dad? Do you need another hug?”

I hold the top of his head, brushing his hair away from his face as I nod, “You know I love you? More than anything in this world.”

He rolls his eyes and I’m definitely going to have a heart attack when he’s a teenager. “Yeah, you’ll kill for me and die for me, I remember.”

Abruptly grabbing him under the arms, I lift him over my head and tickle him as he kicks in between his giggles.

“Dad! I know!”

“Well, I don’t,” I tickle him harder, “so say it back.”

His giggling gets louder, legs going wild and nearly catching me in the balls as he breathlessly says, “I’m a Vartanov, we don’t give in. Ni za chto.”

Fuck, that fucking phrase. I’ve lost count of the amount I’d heard it, repeated it, with tears in my eyes but my son says it in laughter. To Viktor it’s a point of pride, and to me it was a lifeline, some dream to hold on to, a promise for the pain to end.

I slowly set him on his feet and kiss the top of his head. The paper on my arm is crumpled, the edges folded over, yet the perfectionist ignores it as he stands on the stool to wrap his little arms around my neck. Viktor lightly pats the back of my head as he whispers, “I love you too. I’m going to be like you when I’m older.”

“No,” I shake my head, correcting him, “you’re already better.” I soften my voice as I hold my arm and sit him on my thigh. “Fix this shit for me, you don’t want the lines to be all fucked up.”

FIFTEEN

Daniela

Ijump at the knock on the door as I step out of the shower. I’ve finally stopped feeling sorry for myself and found my anger at Valentin’s asshole ways. Some idiotic part of me hopes it’s him, that I’ll open the door and Val will say he’s sorry for being a prick. I’ll make him buy me something and return my necklace while deciding other ways for him to earn my forgiveness.

It’s shattered when the incessant taps come, followed by Tali’s eager voice as he says, “Come on Dani, the light of your life is here.”

Wrapping a towel around me, I quickly knot it, rushing out of the bathroom. There’s no anger in his sing song, just excitement and at least I get to keep one of them.

“Dani, Dani, Dani, Dani.”

Each repetition of my name is neighbored with his knuckles hitting the door. I hold the towel to my chest and pull the door open with more force than required. Tali doesn’t pause, rushing in and wrapping his arms around me. It’s like we’re teenagers again. This is the reaction I wanted from Val. Happiness, him saying he missed me.

“You owe me years of horror movies,” he says.

Laughing into him, I hug him back with one arm. We both lean back and just stare at each other. He’s still the dumb kid that was glaring at everyone in the corner during recess, not knowing how to make friends. But now Tali has grown, I always thought he’d fill out and have a layer of fat over his muscles with how much he eats, but he’s lean and he’s still a cocky shithead as he kisses my forehead.

“We both know we’re beautiful and I love you,” he cups my face with both hands, “don’t make it weird by falling in love with me.”

I step back and point towards my room. “Give me a minute, I’ll get dressed.”

Tio said I’d get my old life back and he was right, being around my family helped me grow into who I am in Brazil. But coming back is strange, I’m not a teenager anymore yet I feel like I should be.

Throwing on Sam’s hoodie that I haven’t burnt yet, I wrap my hair up and go back out.Tali has made himself at home with his feet up on the coffee table, his brows go up seeing a man’s attire wrapped around my body and his playfulness doesn’t mask the hurt as he asks, “Don’t tell me you’re married or some shit?”

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