Page 29 of Vulnerate

I don’t know who I expect to see when I walk in, but it isn’t a strung out Carly. She looks high as fuck and keeps wiping at her nose from how much coke she’s on.She did that shit around my kid? I’m clearly a dumb fuck but even I know that’s fucked up.

Leno follows behind her, his beady eyes are hidden with a baseball cap. Intrigue gets the better of me at the car seat in his hand and I tilt my head like I can see inside. Tali does the same and then he looks around, searching for the missing Carvalho. Vlad kicks the duffel behind him as he pulls out a folder and a pen, handing it to Carly directly.

“Sign, or are you too high to remember your name?”

She’s on more than coke. I’ve seen her high, she’d tap off me when we were out, but I never thought she was this bad.This is why Dani left, my sweet little artist couldn’t watch her sister destroy herself. That has to be it, it can’t be my fault when I never wanted to hurt her.

She takes them from my brother and her hand is racked with tremors as she holds the sheet against her palm and signs. The sound of the pen gliding over the paper is amplified as Leno stands back, smug. He looks at the bag behind Vlad’s foot and places the car seat on the floor. I don’t know what’s growing inside of me, it’s more than anger. I’ve been filled with rage for as long as I can remember, but this is deeper, wilder and I’m going to kill him as soon as my brother takes the baby.

Carly hands the paperwork back and she doesn’t even look at the baby. Her eyes are struggling to stay open, and she doesn’t stop sniffing. Her hoodie doesn’t let me see if there are any track marks. There’s a difference from snorting a few lines at a party and injecting shit in your veins. Tali watches her and he stands taller as Leno looks at me and my brothers. I’m not the youngest but they’re both stood at my side, in age order, protecting me. His face is annoying as fuck, matching his voice as he takes his phone out of his pocket with a threat.

“You should have your mama and papa here for a real reunion.”

Vlad is nearly vibrating with rage, and I stop his threat as I smile widely, staring right at the motherfucker as I dare him.

“Do it.” Leno lifts the baseball cap an inch, uncovering his eyes, as they light up with humor. It drops when I add, “Then I’ll find the cunt you crawled out of and make sure the factory is shut down.”

His anger warms me, and I laugh knowing he can’t do shit. Vlad won’t allow anyone to lay a finger on us and thanks to that dickhead “papa” he mentioned I’m more than capable of dealing with shit myself.

Leno pushes the baby closer without turning the car seat around, so I don’t even know what it looks like.

The duffel bag slides across the floor towards them from the force of Vlad’s foot and he looks at them both with a twisted smile on his face.

“If I find out she was using while she was pregnant, this little agreement won’t mean anything. Kruti pedali, poka ne dali.”1

They don’t say anything, and he just lets them leave with the warning.

I need to know where Dani is, and my feet move automatically as Vlad picks up the baby. It doesn’t matter how strung out they are, rats always know to run, and I grab Carly’s arm as the gym door slams into my shoulder. She’s dulled, unable to push me off as my fingers tighten around her bicep, and I beg, “Where is she?”

How fucking high does she need to be?

Shaking her when she doesn’t respond, I repeat, “Where is Dani? Your sister.”

Her smile is slow and sinister, matching her voice. “I needed her inheritance. She won’t talk to me now. Or anyone from her old life. Happy little Daniela has got a new life.”

No. My Dani wouldn’t care about money. She wouldn’t run away from me because of that. I’d give her everything, we have enough to give her the same life, a better life.

My insides are getting torn to shreds and I let her go. She doesn’t mention the baby as she gets in Leno’s car, and he keeps his mouth shut too. I stand there, hearing the muted thuds of doors closing and steps behind me. I don’t move, if I stay right here there’s a chance Dani will materialize in front of me. Even though their car gets further away, there’s still a chance.

I’m watching them leave, waiting for her to turn around and give me any information when the gym doors open behind me. Tali nudges me and gestures toward the car as he says, “Come on, it’s late and the baby will get cold.”

I don’t move, Dani could come. She’d demand to be in her nephews life, and she’s even crazy enough to try to apologize for her sister.I don’t know how he’s my kid when I never fucked Carly, but he’s part of my Dani.

Vlad barks my name, and my feet move due to self-preservation. Dima gives me a tightlipped smile through the rear view mirror as I climb into the car, and I go back to staring at the headrest. I don’t know what the fuck to do with a baby. I’m not a father even if the car seat is digging into my thigh. How the fuck has my life gone to shit so fast? It all happened when Dani left, before then I had everything I wanted. I had my girl – she kissed my cheek, and she was laid on top of me.Now, there’s hard plastic pressing against my hip and a small murmur coming from the little body inside of it. Tali manages to keep the baby happy as he holds his hand out, talking to it.

“I think it’s past your bedtime.” Joy fuses to his words as he looks up and I’m still frozen. “He’s holding my finger.”

Vlad turns to look at them and I’m struggling to breathe. His voice is low not wanting to disturb them as my face heats from his assessment.

“All babies do it, just don’t let him put it in his mouth. You’ve been in the gym.”

Fuck, there’s not enough air. I’m going to suffocate. Why are we driving so slow?! The baby. Shit, where is it going to sleep? Oh fuck, I’m fucking up already and I blink looking at my older brother, hoping he takes responsibility for everything like he usually does. He’s controlling, he won’t make me do this shit alone and he knows I’m a dumb fuck. He nods once and turns to sit in his seat correctly as our house comes into view.

I don’t wait for the others and get out of the car as soon as we’ve driven through the gates. No one is following me as I push the front door open and take the stairs two at a time until I’m on my floor. Everything is the same and wrong at the same time. It’s not the place for a baby, my shit is lying everywhere in my room. One of the doors to the empty rooms beside mine is open and filled with reality. Each step is weighted as I slowly gravitate towards the room. Baby shit is everywhere. There’s a changing table, a crib, fucking clothes. Standing in the middle of the room with my arms limply at my sides, I stare at everything and nothing.It doesn’t sink into my brain despite it being literally laid out in front of me.

This is the closest to tears I’ve come to since we were kids and I’d have to fight Tali. Oh fuck. Len and Anika are going to find out and interfere in my life. They’ll try to control the kid’s life, make him into a bastard and fight before he can walk.

My heart is beating too fast. I can’t fucking breathe. Holding my knees, I try to draw air into my lungs but it’s making it harder. How the fuck have my lungs forgotten how to work?

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