Page 23 of Vulnerate

“You know I’ve never wore the pendant since I got it, I needed to make sure that it was safe just for you.”

I gain a new appreciation for the necklace as I look down and ask, “It’s just mine?”

He nips my jaw with his teeth and corrects me, “No, it’s mine like you are.”

The claim bolsters my confidence as I turn and pointedly look at his bare neck. “What about you?”

Val’s smirk is slow, and he raises one brow being cocky. Reaching for my bag before he can refuse, I grab a pen and push his arms off me to go back to my seat. Sitting up on my knees, I hold his arm in place against the leather padded center console and the nib glides over the skin under his inner elbow before I’ve thought of a design. I don’t have some fancy symbol and make my own up taking inspiration from the one on my neck.

He doesn’t move or try to distract me as I form a D with a paintbrush and vines with little flowers on his forearm. Once I’m done, I lift his arm in the air and blow on it to get the ink to dry. I remember the other things in my bag and decide to make it last longer. He laughs seeing me pull out a small container of baby powder, but he manages to keep his arm still.

I carefully cover the design I created while my face heats. I’m wrecking his car and I must look like a nut with baby powder on me, Tali always gets my art supplies, and I picked the bag up not expecting whatever strange ceremony we’ve created. My voice is too quiet as I attempt to give a normal explanation that doesn’t involve some infectious rash.

“I use it to thicken paint so I can pipe it.”

I can’t see his eyes as he hums and curls his lips over his teeth to prevent the laugh that clearly wants to come out. I open the windows for the next part as well as to cool down. Gently spraying a thin layer of hairspray over his forearm, I sit back and tilt my head to make sure I haven’t missed a bit.

I make the mistake of catching his eyes and he looks at me the same way I do at sculptures. Part admiration, part enjoyment, but the largest parts are intrigue and awe. Exactly like I do when I find a new hero, someone I wish to emulate and study.

“I know what you use it for,” he says slowly. “You have those weird knives that you mix it with. I know when you’ve used it in one of your commissions because you always have bits of the powder stuck to theedges of your hair just here.” He gently traces the small curly hairs at my temple.

This boy is no good for my heart. He’s changing how it beats as he innocently cups my nape. His eyes are lighter, little bits of darker blue and yellows coming out and stretching out like veins towards his expanding pupil. He makes a triangle as he looks between my eyes and lips, speaking through a soft smile.

“You’re so adorable, Dani mine. Even if you were trying to gas me.”

I wasn’t trying to gas him. I opened the windows first. My argument is cut off by Val’s lips and I hold his neck, needing to be closer to him.

A screech breaks through my senses as I’m lifted out of my seat. I drop against his chest as he tilts his seat back and sits me over his thighs, his smile is against my lips and his hands massage my ribs under my t-shirt. He doesn’t go further up, choosing to stay on my waist and I kiss him again. His lips softly move against mine and he opens up for me.

When our tongues touch it’s like I’ve flipped a switch inside of him and the gentle hands hold me tighter. I like his roughness, feeling his fingers press into my skin. It’s the opposite of my movements as I trace his features with the pads of my fingers, and we share the air from our lungs.Even with my eyes closed and only the tips of my fingers, he’s beautiful and I reverently map each feature, committing it to memory.

A moan is pulled out of my chest as he rakes his fingers down my back, and I turn more urgent. There’s no space between us and I press further into him, melding our bodies together. I moan into his mouth feeling him hard beneath me. It was the same in the middle of the night and my body wants more while my brain fills with nerves. He gently pushes me back and holds my waist. Valentin isn’t some angelic saint. He’s fucked half the school, but he won’t even entertain the idea with me.That hurts.

But he doesn’t move me off his lap as he kisses my cheek and lays me against his chest. His hands are gentle again, one flat against my back and the other combing through my hair as he says with conviction, “Our first time won’t be in a car. I’m going to give you better than you can ever imagine.”

The conviction settles me, and I don’t look up as I make the same shape I’ve sketched on his arm against his chest.

“Oh yeah, what’s better?”

I can’t think of anything better than right now when I’ve got everything I want right here.

He presses his lips to my forehead and tightens his arms around me as he whispers, “There’ll be rose petals and candles, you’ll be a little tipsy from the champagne and you’ll taste like cake because I couldn’t wait to get my wife home.” His hand moves further down to my lower back, and I look up smiling from ear to ear. “Then, I’ll ask you for our first dance away from everyone else,” he places a kiss to my cheek, “and I’ll slowly take your dress off making sure it doesn’t get damaged so you can keep it and pass it down to our daughter.” Resting his forehead on mine, I can feel the words more than hear them. “Then, I’ll make love to my wife and never stop for the rest of my life.”

I weakly nod, unable to speak. A light laugh brushes my cheek and then he presses a chaste kiss to my lips. It’s over too soon and far too innocent. He has restraint and we have the same dreams of a future as he shows his care.

“But now, I need to get my girl home because you’ve got a commission to finish.”

In my grief, it was the best distraction and I managed to get everything finished for the piece, knowing that I didn’t have to think or sit with my emotions, so there’s only the final sealant layer required before I ship it off. But he kisses me again before I can convince him to stay in the car.

His movements are so smooth I nearly miss the fact he puts me back in my seat without removing his lips from mine. I’m dazed and lean into him as he pulls back with a shit eating grin. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted him, this, to be the person Valentin comes to. My vovó always said that when something bad happens, life is preparing you for the good because life is never a straight line. It has curves and ridges. Val is my something good after the bad, he’s the curve up and the incline gets steeper as he threads his fingers through mine as he drives to my house.

There are no other cars in the driveway when we pull up, forcing me to remember my life because they’ve all been sold so Carly can live. A few weeks ago, I never thought about what I’d eat, we’d just order in. Now, we’re going to have to be responsible until I can get my trust.

Vlad’s name flashes on the internal display as Valentin’s phone rings and I kiss his cheek before getting out of the car. I don’t need him to be any different than he usually is, and his brother only calls him when it’s important, so I don’t interrupt whatever it is.My good mood falters as I enter the house. It’s still cold, and there’s a folder on the entrance table. Carly isn’t home and I flick through the sheets. They all have my name on and little color coded tabs showing where I need to sign, but none of the words make sense. I sign it like I have everything else for Carly to take guardianship of me before going straight to the only place that isn’t desolate.

My studio at the back of the house is warm and bright which is the direct opposite to the perfectly barren entrance. It’s messy with tubes of paint left in random places and everything is arranged in organized chaos. Dropping my bag by the door, I kick my shoes off and pull out everything I’ll need to seal the oil painting that was commissioned. It’s a portrait and my fingers itch to do something different, specifically in shades of blue. I don’t do it straight away or I’ll end up forgetting about the portrait. My goals are small and pointless as I make a mental target. I’ll seal it while I wait for the new canvas to stretch, then I can have my secret project to satisfy myself.

It takes less time than it should with that goal motivating me and I move to the clearest corner of the room. The blank cream is like a portal to peace as I lay the canvas on the floor and sit on my knees. There’s no outline required, I paint from memory alone knowing every pore and lash after years of studying them. I’ve always started with eyes when I’m doing portraits, they’re the thing that’s the most distinguishing about a person’s features. The range of colors are all the same, but everyone has different depths, different swirls, and creases that show their character.

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