Page 111 of Vulnerate

“Wait, don’t say shit yet,” I say, panicked. “He’s a cockroach, he’ll manage to live.”

If I tell myself that I’ll be able to focus on the two people who need me rather than the rest of the family. He agrees and asks, “How long?”

I’m not announcing my brother’s death, he’ll walk through the door in a few hours covered in blood.

“However long it takes.”

I go back to the others and Inessa comforts Viktor while she holds Dani’s hand as she gets stitched up. There are slashes on her back, different depths like the cunt was experimenting. Crossing my arms over my chest to stop my hands shaking, I just watch. There’s nothing I can do to fix this shit and Tali is a mirror image on the other side of the table. The blood has been wiped off Viktor’s face bringing the cut into view, but his eye looks weird. It’s not fully swollen shut but the little amount in view is fully bloodshot and painfully red.

I remember inspecting his eyes every time he’d open them as a baby, watching and fucking waiting to see what color they’d be. Now it’s red. It was never supposed to be fucking red.

Every little wince or twitch on either of their faces is felt deep within my bones. I don’t speak a word as I get rid of the doctors and Viktor hardens, refusing to be picked up. I lift a limp Dani in my arms, so I don’t feel so useless and I hold the top of his head as I guide them into the elevator.

“Want to sleep in my room, little man?”

I’m begging him, I don’t give a fuck. I’ll move him in once he’s asleep if I have to. He looks up at me and nods his head as the elevator goes up. He doesn’t say anything when we reach our floor and keeps walking past his bedroom door.

Dani is knocked out with whatever pain meds she was given, and I gently lay her down. Viktor follows me like a shadow, pulling the sheets over her. He’s careful and makes sure that the stitches on her back are left uncovered, but my shadow follows me as I go to get his pajamas. I kneel down so we’re the same height once we’re in his room and open my arms as he throws himself forward, keeping the uninjured side of his face away from my body. His voice is muffled in my neck, but I can hear the pain in it as he says, “Dani wouldn’t let me fight them, she kept getting hurt and holding me so I couldn’t do anything.”

My sweet artist.

I just breathe and stroke his hair back. There’s dried blood on the strands, on mykid. There’s nothing I can say to him, I fucked up and my apology is weak as fuck.

“I’m sorry, little man.”

He doesn’t move back, and he’s clinging to me. He grabs my t-shirt in his fists, but he doesn’t cry. He’s pissed and he hisses, “I stabbed him in the privates because he kept talking about her and sayingthings.”

I kiss the top of his head and ask softly, “Are you still angry?”

It’s the one thing Vlad asked me the first time I killed someone, I don’t know what else to do and try to emulate the same conversation I was once on the receiving end of. He nods and hugs me tighter with accusation filling his voice.

“Dani wouldn’t let me move. Vlad said she’s family and you all look after family.”

I fall on my ass and wait for some spiritual guide to tell me what to do. This is Vlad’s job, he decided to act like he’s my fucking parent and now he’s fucked off when I don’t know how to protect my wife and kid.

Viktor’s voice lowers and turns haunted as he calls out, “Dad?” That fist that’s been around my lungs since the day I became a father tightens as he looks up. One eye is barely open but the other is filled with pained confusion. “They kept talking about how much money they could get for me. I can’t be sold, right? You wouldn’t sell me?”

My voice is rough, and my arms instinctually tighten around him.

“I would never sell you. I’m going to kill them, and no one is going to get anywhere fucking near you again.”

He nods, hanging on to every word without letting go of my t-shirt. He’s exhausted and falls asleep as I rub circles on his back. I become a magician, managing to contort matter so he’s still in my arms as I get him changed. Once he’s dressed, I go back to Dani and gently ease myself on the bed next to her with Viktor laying on my chest. She’s laid on her front, the dressings covering between her shoulder blades, and I pull her closer so I can hold them both.

They’re both asleep, both of them injured and exhausted. Alternating between kissing Dani’s head and Viktor’s, I keep my palm flat on their backs. They’re safe and at home, where they belong.

Footsteps move through the hallway, one foot dragging slightly, and I relax knowing it will be Tali. He doesn’t say anything as he looks into the room and gestures with his head for me to come out. I can’t leave them; my arms don’t move, and he slowly lays beside me. Keeping his voice low he turns his head, looking like a kid and his eyes are glassy as he ghosts his hand over Viktor’s head.

“What do we do?” he asks with a lump in his throat.

I don’t know. The person who does, decided to give up for the first time in his life.

Ignoring the emotion and dread weighing down my stomach, I focus on logic. “We wait to see if there’s a body.”

It’s a whisper but the sound travels like a gunshot through the silence. Neither of us have ever had to make decisions, we just do what we’re told and know it will work because Vlad doesn’t do shit if it doesn’t work out, he’s calculating and always ten steps ahead. As long as there isn’t a body, he’s not dead.As long as there’s not a body, we’re safe and he’ll come home.

Tali doesn’t move and I kick the edge of the sheets at him so he’s comfortable. It doesn’t take long for everythingto revert back to us being afraid children again and Katya hovers by the threshold of the door. I nod my head for her to come in and Tali opens one arm for her to crawl in beside him. Exactly like we’re children, she hugs his side and whispers, “Dima will fix it, remember they said that they’ll never leave us.”

This feels different than the shit that would happen when we were younger, it might be similar due to Vlad disappearing in a rage, but there’s a voice in the back of my head telling me that he won’t come back this time.

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