Page 49 of Viparious

I swallow around the lump building in my throat and answer. “Nothing, I was dealing with different business.”

He narrows his eyes, trying to discern if I’m lying, then slowly says, “So, you didn’t kill him on your little rage spree?”

Unfortunately, the fucker managed to live another day and disappointment fills me over not being an orphan. I smile, remembering the little rage spree as Valentin so eloquently put it. The fuckers who desecrated my solnyshkuh’s resting place might not have had any information on who paid them to do it or what they were searching for, but they also lost every organ and limb.

I undo my tie and top button as my throat constricts further and ease him.

“He wasn’t involved, so he’s alive. Happy that your papa is still on earth wasting space?”

My brother relaxes and laughs lightly as the door opens. It turns into an impromptu family meeting as Vitali walks in and there’s no limp in his gait. They both exchange a look, trying to get the other to bring up whatever they want to say. They’ve been the same since they were toddlers. They’d break something, or they were hungry, and they always waited for the other to speak. I half expect them to stand together and physically push each other forward like they used to.

Unease snakes up my spine as Vitali blows out a breath and pulls something out of his pocket.

“I kept these for you. I thought it was your right to see them.” He sets the small papers on my desk, and Valentin puts a flash drive beside them as he clues me in to whatever the fuck they’re doing. “We recorded the appointments too. They think it’s a girl, but the doctor will be able to check properly at the scan tomorrow.”

Nodding numbly, I don’t look towards what they’ve left.I know what will be there, a bigger weakness. I can’t touch them or want them, not when they’ll both be happier without me, and I’ll be with Vanya. The pain isn’t worth any temporary happiness I could steal when Inessa wants her own life and she’ll have it. She deserves it.

Without any reaction from me, they both deflate. They leave their disappointment in the air for me to deal with and go to the kitchen to keep Viktor company or cheer him up. Everything they’ve dropped on my desk is screaming at me, telling me to look and see what I’ve missed.But I can’t. I wish my hand was numb again as a tremor takes over my limb. My eyes close and I try to push away the image of Inessa’s blue face. She will never be blue; she will be warm and alive.

My hand doesn’t stop shaking as I snatch the items from my desk without opening my eyes as though that will stop me from tainting them. Len’s voice is in my head, still, after all these fucking years, he is there reminding me I’m fucked up. The weight of the materials is nothing compared to the importance of what’s on them. If I look, I’ll get attached. It’s the same with Inessa’s swollen belly. Any acknowledgment will make me never want to let go. And then she’ll be like Vanya and ripped from me. I can’t survive that again.I can’t bury anyone else or see her blue. Not when she looks better in red.

Fuck! The tightness increases and I can’t draw in a breath as I lock the ultrasound images and flash drive in my desk. All my failings sit under my skin, like a million insects crawling between the flesh, bone, and sinew. I have to actively remind myself that she will be safe, she’ll be a good mother, and she’ll be back here once I’m dead. Valentin will help her raise the child. It won’t know anything other than peace or miss a father it never had. That’s better than giving them false hope, there’s no way for them to be hurt, and I’m not equipped to be a father. I’ll ruin them, both of them.

My eyes snap open, and I call Dima to get what I need to make everything silent. He answers on the first ring, and I don’t wait for him to speak.

“Set up a private fight, $100K for every round they last, an extra million each if they manage to go all ten rounds. As many as you can find. No limits and don’t tire them out.”

He doesn’t refuse despite the reluctance in his agreement and my next order leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

“Send Ana to New York, she’s guarding Inessa and I’ll kill her myself if there’s so much as a fucking paper cut.”

Ending the call before he can make me talk to the little shit, I lean back in my chair and drink with my eyes closed.

Someone knocks on the door, and my fickle heart fills with hope at the last time that sound filled the room. Inessa only ever knocked once. Her preferred method of communication was walking in and just starting her commands without an introduction because she never needed one.

I miss her voice already. I should have recorded it, so I have company while awaiting death.

Dani walks in, killing my hope, and she’s back in overalls.

“Do you not own normal clothes?” I ask.

There’s no heat to my words, I’m genuinely curious. I’ve known her since she was a kid, and I could count on one finger how many times I’ve seen her in anything other than overalls and some shitty t-shirt.

She looks down and fidgets while muttering, “Says the man who only wears a three-piece suit.”

She might be shy, but there’s fire inside of her. It’ll do her good to show it more.Especially where my brothers are concerned, they’ll treat her like shit otherwise.

She hesitates as she stops behind the chair opposite me and holds the back of it for protection. I can’t think of any reason she’d be here. She usually avoids me. Even when she was a child sneaking into the house, she’d never use the door despite Dima being told to always allow her inside. She’d lose some of that fear when she was worried or hurt, though. It can’t be for any of the reasons she came to me as a kid, but I give her the same attention. Sadness fills her as she avoids my eyes and looks at my hair.

“Are you okay?”

If I had years to anticipate what she’d ask, it wouldn’t be that and I answer easily, leaning back in my seat.

“What makes you think I’m ever anything but fine?”

Feeling more at ease, she lets her protection go and uses the seat for what it’s designed for.

She stares at me with the same look Viktor does when he doesn’t believe people’s bullshit. There must be something in the Carvalho genes that makes them bullshit detectors.

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