Page 44 of Viparious

“She’s oursister.”

Emotion chokes me at the choice of correction. Not sister-in-law, sister. I’m definitely keeping them in the divorce. I appreciate them more than Vlad does and spend more time with them.

The doctor turns red as she mumbles about my next appointment so she can escape her slip-up and leaves. My body moves at a normal speed, but my sluggish mind makes it feel like the world is in slow motion. Grandfather’s joy over the next generation growing in my stomach will bolster me, and I don’t say anything to the people who keep inviting themselves into my space as I get up and leave.

Dani follows me out and her voice is gentle as she holds my shoulder. “You know we’re all here for you? Whatever you need? I’ll even put a sock in Val’s mouth to stop him saying stupid shit.”

Emotion chokes me as I nod, and she wraps her arms around me.

“You’ll be okay, and he’ll come back again, like last time.”

They all think I’m worried. Part of me might be, but my hurt eclipses that particular emotion. If he walks into the house covered in blood, I’d prefer it. But if he doesn’t, if he’s fine, that means it has all been purposeful. There’s no room for romanticized views in my life. It was killed before I even understood what they were. All of this is just bullshit. My mind altered things, changing the facts to make it more palatable for my heart. I built Vlad into someone he wasn’t and as soon as he’s not there, reality seeps in.

I take a controlled breath and straighten my shoulders, forcing my emotions back as I coolly step back into my bitchy heiress persona.

“I’m fine. I don’t need you guys hugging me or acting like I’m a child.”

Dani’s face falls and I turn on my heel, getting away from it before I end up apologizing to her. I don’t break down as I walk straight to the bank of elevators and keep everything steeled. It doesn’t come until I get in the car, locked away from everyone and I fight tears as soon as I start the engine. They’re not solely for me, it’s for my child, who will have the same childhood I did. I will never be able to compensate for the inadequacy of knowing their own parent doesn’t care about them. It will fester inside of them and make them think they should be different.

I drive to the only home I’ve ever had, and my hand keeps going to my stomach. I hope I don’t fuck them up or let them see me be weak, allowing other people’s actions to influence me. I can be strong for my baby and give them a life I wish I had. I’ll find someone better than what I was forced to be with so even if Vlad wants nothing to do with either of us, they have positive role models. I nearly laugh out loud like a crazy person — Vlad is not a good role model. The only way that could be true is if a person did the opposite of everything he does.

Grandfather is already at the doors when I pull up to the gates. The house looks bigger after so long being away from it and I blow out a breath to stop myself from running to him in front of the guards like I want to. He notices instantly, a small tensing of his jaw is his tell and his eyes darken, showing the violent man he used to be in his younger years. But he’s the Pakhan and he doesn’t allow any softness to show as he kisses my cheek with a reminder.

“Sila.”

It sounds less like a demand and more as though he’s describing something. I don’t have the mental capacity to work out what it is and follow him into the house. His hesitance comes out as we’re locked away from any witnesses.

“How is my great-grandchild?”

I realize then why he’s angry. He thinks I’m upset because something has happened to the baby. I take the ultrasound from my bag and hand it to him. He gushes over it the only way he knows how, and I feel lighter.

“Strong, long limbs like you when you were a baby.”

The softness doesn’t last for long as he guides me to his office, away from anyone overhearing, and he doesn’t return the ultrasound, instead he puts it in his pocket.

I already know what the topic will be, or who, as he sits behind his desk and sends Dariya a message to bring me food.He waits until I’m seated opposite and speaks gently as though I’m a child again.

“Have you decided to stay married?”

No.

The clause was put in as way of an apology for my duty, his way of allowing me a life I want after sacrificing for years. I straighten my spine, and there’s no emotion in my voice, just conviction.

“There isn’t a marriage, only agreements of what we’d both do. I’ve kept mine, and I’ll file for divorce when the baby is six weeks old like I said I would.”

He switches personas from Pakhan to my dedulya, who would drop everything to pick me up from wherever my parents left me.

Rounding his desk, he pulls me to his side and kisses my forehead. “Vlad will be back from Moscow within two weeks. We’ll arrange for the paperwork to be drawn up and have everything ready for you.”

A bitter laugh is trapped in my throat. Of course, he’d notify his Pakhan of his whereabouts. Everyone other than me seems to know where and what my husband is doing.

Grandfather strokes down my arms and a tiny speck of remorse enters his eyes as he asks, “Will you be happy, Ineska?”

I refuse to be anything other than happy, it’s what my baby deserves. I won’t turn into my mother, projecting my life’s failings on an innocent child who had no choice in whether they came into existence.

My voice is steel as I seek comfort from my father figure and wrap my arms around him with my cheek buried against his chest.

“I’ll love my baby, and I’ll give them everything. Happiness isn’t something we get in this life, but I can find it.”

---