Page 18 of Viparious

He’s always been the more emotional one in the dysfunction we call a family. It’s what makes him a cruel bastard, his need for human connection. But this shit is weird even for him. There’s no anger or resentment directed at me, and I’m looking for signs that he’s dying.

He swallows around a lump in his throat as he voices his fears like he’s three years old again and waiting for me to promise his bad dreams won’t come true.

“I’ve never felt fear in my life because I knew you’d save my ass. Them cunts took my son, and I felt it for the first time.” He looks up, scrubbing a hand down his face as his eyes turn red, “I get why you did everything you did for Tali and me. It’s that fucking fear that makes you paranoid and crazy as fuck.”

Ignoring his need to insult me when he’s trying to be nice, I nod dumbly, not knowing what he wants.

He doesn’t say anything else for so long that I’m sure he’s got it out of his system, but he makes everything worse by opening his mouth.

“If anything happened to him, I don’t think I’d survive, you know. You’ll get it when Inessa is pregnant, this fucking fear is still in my chest, and I wish I kept him hidden like we did in the old house. He’s too clever to be sat on his ass on all day, I know that, but I don’t want anyone near him.”

I’m numb, my body is shutting down knowing the depth of grief and how someone else’s death can rob parts of your soul. It makes my voice cold as my finger bounces on my knee.

“He’ll be safe, you all will.”

I’m close to punching him or shooting him when he keeps pulling the worst topics out of his ass to torment me as though he knows every single point of contention in my life.

“Do you think Len ever felt like that with us? When he’d make us fight or just be a cunt? Or Anika? They must have, right?”

My laugh is bitter and more of a scoff as I correct him, “Do you think that man is a father? Or that bitch has a maternal bone in her body? They’re both vultures, and they only had kids because they were too stupid to use birth control.”

The tantrum starts as he takes offense and stands cursing under his breath, “You’re a prick, sometimes a rubber breaks.”

I know it’s about his own introduction to fatherhood rather than the topic of who gave us their DNA. But I still fuck with him as I stand, leaving the weird-ass moment in my office.

“You know you can get a daddy online nowadays?” He just stares at me, and I add, “If you wanted a new one. They’ll even payyoufor it.”

Despite Len’s best efforts to taint my brothers, they were as protected as they could be. They’ve managed to maintain some lightness and Valentin continues cursing. I stop him before we can enter the hallway and hold his nape as I drop my voice to whisper, “He’ll be fine, I’ll talk to him and if he’s still angry, I’ll let him train with me.”

He nods and stops his muttering as it’s replaced with gratitude. Even though I was tasked with their punishments, at least I could control the force of my hand where he would revel in exerting as much as possible.Everyone in the world can be afraid of me, but the people under this roof will never know that fear.

The promise I made them the day we left Sankt Peterburg is about to be broken when I walk into the kitchen. There’s nothing but threat in my tone, and it makes the world pause.

“Vitali, remove your hands from my wife.”

He’s pushing her, and she’s hanging off the fucking seat. Holding his hands in the air, he sits up straight, and the humor of moments before has been killed by me.My voice is still rough as I call the attention of the person I came for, but he doesn’t flinch.

“Viktor, follow me.”

It’s the game he created where he’s a soldier, his way of dealing with not showing those who can’t be trusted anything real. The mark on his temple is going to be given to every corpse who so much as looked in his direction. But there are more important things to deal with right now.

He’s calmer around the animals, so I lead him to the stables. I don’t say anything until we reach his horse. The thing snorts at me, and I do it back because I’m the one who pays for it to shit in comfort, and now I have to fucking smell it while it acts like a cunt. I stay at its back legs as I pull the stool closer, which Viktor always used, and lift him on to it so he can pet it.He looks around and points to something above my head.

“I need the brush, Thunder likes it.”

It’s a cliché name for the beast but I promised each child they could name their own horse. I’m sure Vitali has probably named his after food and Valentin has probably chosen a curse.

I always thought my nephew’s first kill would be as an adult, one that I wouldn’t be here for, as someone who was aware of himself and the world. It makes the conversation harder, seeing his small body on a stool because he can’t reach. Passing him the grooming tools, I ask, “Are you angry?”

It’s the one thing I remember, the insatiable anger that would only lessen in the split second between life and death.It has never gone away from the age of seven, and thirty-one years of that festering pit isn’t something I wish for my family.

Shaking his head, he looks up at me and smiles.

“No. Dad asked me the same thing. I did good, right?”

Nodding my head, I stroke his hair back and kiss his crown.

“Yeah, malyshonuk, you don’t have to do it again though.”

---