Page 112 of Viparious

Her chest shakes with a soundless laugh, and she corrects me, “It’s the middle of the day, and you’re not fine.”

I’m used to her doing this at night while I waited for her to fall asleep before I left.

After a lifetime, nearly three decades, of never voicing a single thought about Vanya it turns my voice hoarse.

“I miss her.”

It never went away, this feeling that part of my soul has been removed from me and I know it never will because it doesn’t feel like she’s not here. It’s as though she’s away from me but still somewhere in existence. I’ll have moments when I expect something to drag me out of a slumber and she’ll be there waiting for me.

Inessa drags me from my thoughts as she kisses my jaw, maintaining the soothing cadence of her voice.

“Tell me about her.”

My limbs are heavier, and I don’t hear myself speak as my mouth opens.

“She was always happy, smiling, and laughing. Even when she’d cry, she’d still smile like her lips didn’t know how to do anything else. When Valya would have a tantrum, she’d crawl to him. All three of them would stay on my bed all day, and she’d crawl to sit in his lap and then pull his hair.” There’s a small laugh and arms wrap around me. “He never cried, though. She would pull until there were lines in her little fingers, but he’d just make faces at her and kiss her cheek, so she let go. She was innocent and had that baby smell, it filled everything. I’d stay near the door so no one could come inside, and she’d lay on my chest with her hat pulled over her ears or she’d fuss. She hated her ears being cold. It was the only time she wouldn’t smile.”

Her ears will always be cold now. There isn’t anyone to pull the hat down or tickle her stomach. No one to know that her left foot is ticklish, but she hates anyone touching the right one. Or anyone who knows how she’d always giggle when I traced the slope of her nose. If she needed to wake up to eat, that was the best way to do it without scaring her.

I blink and swallow, trying to get my throat to stop closing up. Inessa’s eyes are watery, but her smile is soft, and I lift her chin. Stroking across her jawline with my thumb, I tell her my most shameful secret on a whisper.

“I asked her to keep you safe, you and Verena.”

She copies my volume with her eyes widening. “You told her about us?”

I nod and kiss her forehead as some of the hollowness gets easier to hold. “Yeah, she knows everything important.”

My phone rings, flashing Anastasia’s name, and I don’t move as I answer.

“I’ve found another house, but Dima said it’s too risky,” she says before I can speak.

She must be pissed if she’s ringing me directly. Extracting myself from my wife, I wait for her to give me the details as I go to the private office.

“I’ve already sent you the thread, and this one is worse. It’s the same people who Ana is looking for, so she knows them.”

Inessa doesn’t follow me, and I’ve never been more thankful when the details load of the auction the sick cunts are holding.

1 Say it again, darling

2 You’re crazy, sweetie pie

THIRTY

Inessa

All of the alternatives to a wedding ring aren’t what I want as I continue my search while Vlad does his plotting for world domination. I need it to scream,stay away from me. No one approaches me knowing I’m married to the devil, maybe I should just start killing people and then they wouldn’t fucking flirt with him.

Continuing my search, I don’t realize what I’ve clicked on until it loads, and my eyes go wide. Zooming in to the image to work out what goes where, the screen tilts and Vlad is standing over me with his face pinched in the middle when he realizes what it is.

“Why are you looking at dick piercings?” Shaking his head, he protectively cups his groin. “Why the fuck would someone get one?”

I snatch my phone back because I wasn’t finished reading the article and he sits beside me, lifting my head onto his thigh.

He doesn’t stop me going further down the rabbit hole. I started my search for alternatives to wedding rings, and now I’m on genital piercings for fuck’s sake. But I don’t look away. The longer I stay focused on this, the more I can convince myself he won’t try to make me say what I shouldn’t, especially after he was more than honest with his grief.

But he doesn’t play fair and massages around my collarbones, teasing me with his touch. He moves further down my chest, causing me to suck in a breath. Instantly noticing, he moves away and tries to soften his voice.

“Are they still hurting?”

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