Page 88 of Viparious

There are no sounds as I take the stairs and all of the bedrooms are empty as I pass them. She’s chosen the room furthest away from any entry point and pride swells in my chest. My queen lays hugging a pillow and her snores are louder, showing she’s in deep sleep. Verena is knocked out too as I go to the crib. Her bottom lip stuck out in a pout, and I lift her carefully not to wake her. The envelope replaces the space she was laid, and I resist the temptation of going to Inessa. She’ll be pissed, but the options are black and white, she can come home or live alone.We both know the latter isn’t an option.

She doesn’t twitch as I silently move through the room and pick up extra blankets and a coat to wrap the littlest queen up so she’s not cold. Verena smiles in her sleep as I get her dressed. She’s such a grumpy baby that it makes me pause. I always do when she’s sleeping because her smiles are unrestrained. She has a problem with the world and knows they’re all beneath her. Another smart woman that’s probably going to drive me crazy.

There’s one way she doesn’t take after her mother — Verena isn’t screaming at me. There’s a sinking in my gut making me hesitate as I walk out of the room. Inessa will be upset, she’ll be distraught, but I can’t turn back. Not when she signed everything and if this is all down to that stupid fucking agreement I’ll follow it to pull her back to me.If I do it forcefully, she’ll become a shell of herself, and I need her to become the chatterbox again. My life is too silent without her.

Verena doesn’t stir as I walk down the stairs, or as I put my shoes on, she’s content knowing she’s coming home. I cover her eyes with my hand before I open the door, so she doesn’t catch a glimpse of any of the bodies I had to drag away from the road. There’s no blood on my hands though, guns finally having a use despite being less satisfying. She won’t even know what the bodies are at her young age, yet I still keep my hand there until she’s safely in her car seat. She opens one eye when I get in the driver’s seat and I turn to look at her. The side of her lips lift as though she’s milk drunk, and she lets out a fart, making it drop. At least she hasn’t shit on me again.

It takes longer to get home as I drive slower than I ever have in my life. Dima stops himself from telling me his thoughts again as I pull up outside the house. All of them can fuck themselves, my brothers’ disappointed stares didn’t stop me. Nothing will. Even as a baby, Verena knows she’s in the right place and her little smirk comes back out as soon as we step through the doors.She doesn’t release any gases so I’m assuming it’s due to the location change causing her comfort rather than biology. The door closes behind me as Dima grumbles to himself and fucks off. There won’t be anyone here to witness Inessa lose control, she’ll remain a queen in public and my brat in private as it should be.

I take Verena to her crib set up in our room and grab a bottle from the nursery, anticipating her waking up. She wakes as soon I sit on the edge of bed. Her scowl lessens as I place the teat against her bottom lip as though she’s surprised at my forethought.

“You know I never let you cry.” She closes that one eye and dismisses me as she drinks. “Yeah, your mama is going to be pissed but she’ll be here soon.”

Her jaw moves and suckling fills the room. I make a mental note of the time and that I used half of the pouch for her bottle. She doesn’t open her eyes again, not even one of them which I’ve become accustomed to as her level of communication. She’s perfect and I’m going to make her a spoilt brat, worse than her mother or anyone on this earth has ever seen.

Getting her settled once she’s been fed and before her mother comes to rage, I lock up and turn all the alerts on. Inessa will think I’m a bastard, but I know her routine. She’ll wake up in twenty minutes to do her routinely check and find the details she needs. Then she’ll come home.It was always the same when I’d be laid on the floor and she’d wake up on a gasp, staring at the crib to reassure herself that Verena was okay. She’s got used to sleeping with me taking over the nights and it works to my advantage now as I go back downstairs to wait for her. As soon as she steps through the doors, they’re getting locked, and they won’t open until she agrees to stay here.

Turning on the camera feed and sound in case Verena wakes up while we’re waiting for her mother, I sit at the bar feeling lighter than ever. As long as they’re under the same roof as me it’ll be okay. I can live with hate, not absence. That shit will drive me insane.All of the guards have already left, and I wait, dulling my senses to prevent me doing the same as I did last night. I won’t fuck her unless she wants me to, it would be imbalanced, and she wants to be equal. We never will be because she can move without telling me, yet I can’t breathe unless she’s in the same building as me.

She won’t be stubborn enough not to come home. She wouldn’t be separated from our daughter, no matter the cost. Time is moving too slowly wait and my mind goes to war.All of this could be resolved if I tell her everything. It won’t fix her fears, but it will offer an explanation. She’d know I didn’t leave her, that I didn’t have a choice. She’d understand. But she’d be disgusted. Hate me and know the truth. Know how I failed, and I’d lose them both.Or she’d find out that I’m stuck, unable to make a choice between life and death. The little drips of my soul I’ve managed to keep pull in different directions when it’s not possible to keep them all.

If I could go back in time to the moment before Grigory called, I’d cherish it. Cherish her. Keep every little thing locked away, engrained into my memory as the last time I truly had Inessa, my queen. She was happy, I haven’t seen her smile the same way since. Fuck, what I’d give for her to smile at me like that again.

I’ve drunk more than I should as I pick up the decanter only to realize it’s empty. Leaning over the bar, I mix spirits as I feel the bone-crushing guilt beat down against me. Three people all on different sides. Life has Inessa and Verena, death took Vanya. I should go to death, then each side would be balanced, equal. The word Inessa loves so much.

Would she even come to my funeral if I died?

Maybe it’s better if she doesn’t.

My eyes close as my chest tightens. The guilt mixing with longing for all three of them. A perfect life would have everyone under one roof, under my protection and they would be my responsibility. I would keep them safe.Not blue. And they would be warm. So fucking warm with smiles on their faces. In a house with no windows.

Tires squeal outside the doors and I smile, my queen has arrived home. There’s no door slamming, and I stand refilling my tumbler. My body sways with the change in position as I bring the crystal to my lips. The front door pushes open, slamming into the wall keeping it in place. I smile wider nearly dribbling whisky at the angry footsteps that follow it.

A shot rings out and the tumbler shatters in my hand before a drop could touch my tongue. The rim was once a circle is now a crescent — the moon. Pride fills me and I turn with a smile to see my beautiful wife, wrapped in fury, wearing my t-shirt. My voice is strange, as though I’m stood in a different room as I watch her.

“Your aim has improved.”

Her hand holding the gun shakes, but she can shoot me at point-blank range as long as she stays here.

Still aiming at me, she shrugs, “I was going for your head.”

Fuck me, she’s beautiful and powerful as the deadly voice comes out.

“Where is my daughter?”

Answering easily, I drop the shattered crystal. “Home.”

Replaying memories while I drank has me duller than I intended, and Inessa uses it to her advantage as she closes the distance and pushes at my chest.

“You took her from her home. Where. Is. My. Daughter?”

She relaxes minutely as I turn my phone so she can see that our daughter is safe and sleeping in her bed. My lowered inhibitions loosen my tongue as I cup her face with both hands and there’s too much emotion in my voice.

“You never say our daughter, why?”

She slaps out at my hands and wrists, attempting to get away from me. The gun is still aimed at me, but her finger isn’t on the trigger. It won’t stop me, nothing will, the brat is under my skin. I thought I’d be able to stay away, and I couldn’t last twelve fucking hours. Fuck that, it was barely thirty seconds when I’d formulated my plan.

She waves the gun around like a madwoman as she speaks without fear, and I can feel my cheeks move up.

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