Page 123 of Viparious

“How do you know everything?” she asks.

Kissing her cheek, I pull the jacket around her tighter and lower my voice, spilling my own secrets.

“I told her to do it. She was going to paint it and I thought that was better.”

“Did you tell her to use diamonds too?”

She hasn’t looked at it clearly if she thinks those are the only stones in it.

“You said I didn’t give a fuck, yet there’s every precious metal and gem laid in the cast of your bump because it held something that renders those materials moot.”

She melts into me, and her forehead touches my jaw as she mumbles, “Okay, that was romantic.”

I only have to turn my head to seal our lips together and she wraps both arms around my neck as she returns it with the most intense emotions I’ve ever felt. My plea is breathed into her mouth.

“Never shut up, meelaya.”

She nods and all is right with the world as she gives her own four words.

“I love you too.”

1 Every man bows to his queen

Epilogue

Inessa

2 years later

His bags and passport are ready, waiting at the foot of the bed as I gently shake Vlad’s chest to wake him. Wherever he had to go last night took it out of him mentally and he’ll be upset if he misses a single second. He bolts up alert but softens seeing me leaning over him, and I point to his bags dumbly.

“You’re going to be late.”

He pulls me to stand between his thighs as he swings his legs over the side of the bed and presses a kiss to my chest. I don’t make him move and stroke my fingers through his hair. He’s like this every year with the memories coming back and I just hold him. Looking up at me, he hesitates, swallowing around a lump in his throat before gently asking, “Do you want to come with me?”

I’ve never pressured him into visiting Vanya, that’s his time with his daughter and when Verena is old enough, we’ll tell her she has an older sister. But I feel honored and kiss his head, agreeing easily.

It’s the dead of night and we’ll be in Russia for less than twenty-four hours, but I don’t want to be uncomfortable on the plane. So, I quickly change and pack a bag. I step out of the closet and Vlad has our daughter sleeping on his shoulder. He’s already got her ready and she hasn’t woken up, snoring away right in his ear.He leaves her coat loosely over her back like a blanket. Every time he visits Vanya, I watch him become even more careful with Verena.

I can’t imagine him at twelve years old with a newborn, or thirteen as he physically buried his daughter alone. It’s heartbreaking and unfair. Each day that I spend around him I’m in awe of the fact he’s managed to survive this long. It’s no different now as he pulls me into his side and kisses my crown to comfort me. He doesn’t let go of either of us as we leave. It doesn’t change in the car as he tells Dima to stay home. I have no idea if his friend knows where he’s going, but he gives me a grateful smile and nods respectfully before going back into the house.

Vlad threads his fingers through mine and squeezes in a new pattern of three, six, three. I think I’ve solved the code of the changing number since it only increased when he found out I was pregnant. The others are a mystery and the first pattern of three has dropped off entirely in the last two years. He doesn’t let go the entire drive and tension rolls off him in waves as we reach the private airfield. There’s a skeleton crew and no one looks at any of us as we board with Verena on my shoulder.

He continues following behind me as I go to the bedroom at the back and lay her in the bed. He’s like a deadly assistant, arranging the pillows around her body in the center of the bed and even going so far as to pad the floor. She doesn’t get scared or roll over when she’s asleep. She’s used to waking up in a different place than where she slept since all of the Vartanovs like to play pass the baby and we have to steal her back. I guide us out before he can lay on the floor beside her. I’ve seen him do it in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep, and the voice in his head becomes too loud. Or if she makes a single noise, then he’s on alert and paces.

We reach our seats a few feet from the open bedroom door, and he sits me on his thigh. This part is the worst for him, the travel. Knowing he’s so far away from her. His neurotic tendencies only calmed slightly when Verena had her first birthday, but he’s still always on edge.

Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I hug him and try to offer any comfort I can. Every day I see our daughter doing something, reaching a new milestone, or just playing, the thought comes up of how he missed that with Vanya. Vlad has been grieving for nearly the entirety of my life, the majority of his own and I can’t imagine it ever going away. The natural order of life isn’t to bury your child, especially physically doing it yourself at the break of dawn when you’re barely a teenager.

He doesn’t even blink as we take off and I close my eyes when he gently cups the back of my head, pulling me closer with his lips resting on my temple. Every breath he takes is weighted and I make slow circles on his chest with my palm, as though that can go any way to ease the ache. He tightens his arm around me and places his hand over the bump. There’s a slight tremor but he’s trying. It’s bigger than the first time I was pregnant too and the baby is already huge in comparison to Verena. But watching Vlad light up at each scan and go so far as to buy a portable machine so he can see the baby whenever his neurosis takes over chases some of my anxiety away.

This is all his fears in one day and he tenses. Soft murmuring comes through the open door, and I swear the man has a sixth sense when it comes to his kids. He kisses my hand before letting me go and I slip off his thigh to pick her up. She’s two years old and Vlad’s double apart from her eyes. She can’t see me as she rubs her eyes with her fists, and Daddy’s girl dismisses me, her voice floating out in the dark.

“Papa?”

I look down at myself and hold my arms out to her. “Just your mama, little wriggler.”

She crawls forward, accepting her second favorite and smiles up at me as I pick her up. She doesn’t have the baby smell anymore, and she’s less grumpy when she’s actually focused on someone. But she’s cute as anything and wraps her arms around my neck, cuddling up to me and kissing my cheek.

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