Page 104 of Viparious

His jaw trembles as he blows out a breath. Before she was even born he was planning a life for her, learning everything she might want to be, everything for his daughter. The world is fucking cruel for giving Vlad the evil that was his parents.

Just when I think that I’m going to stop crying, my tears restart and it’s my turn to choke him as I throw myself around him with enough force that he rocks back.

“You’re not a monster, or even remotely bad.”

My words come out rushed and muffled into his neck as I curl my hands into fists against his back, bringing his shirt with me.

He stands with me in his arms and he doesn’t say anything further. Most people keep back a percentage of what happened when they recount things in their lives. They’ll change the narrative and not voice the most traumatic parts to prevent reliving it and if Vlad is one of them people, that percentage will be higher and so much worse than the nightmare he’s already had to endure.

Wrapping my limbs around him as he carries me back to the room, he doesn’t set me on the bed straight away. He goes straight to the crib and stares down, watching Verena’s chest move. I can’t imagine the pain he’s in, or how hard it was for him to shut her out when, deep down, he’s a protector. He’s someone who loves in a way that’s all-consuming. Anyone Vlad loves will never lose it. He’s not built for anything fickle, like his anger and violence. It is all or nothing.

He forces his body to move and tries to lay me on the bed. I don’t let go. There’s something in my gut telling me he can’t be alone right now. Exhaustion weighs his voice down and the usual roughness is missing.

“Go to sleep, meelaya, you have the pediatrician appointment at 11:30.”

Moving my head back without loosening my limbs, I blink while my mind absorbs what he said.He’s never gone anywhere with me; he doesn’t ask about appointments or mention anything. This is the most we’ve spoken to each other since I found out I was pregnant so he should not know appointment times.

I extend an olive branch, hoping he doesn’t slap me across the face with it, and my voice comes out small.

“Will you come with me?”

I hate sitting there and watching the doctors prod and poke my baby girl.The rational part of my brain knows that they’re not hurting her, but I want to shoot them all in the head at every little grumble that leaves her lips. Even if she’s always grumpy and scowling, it’s different when other people give her a reason for it. Especially when they recite her age in minuses, it’s wrong and I fucking hate it because it points out how backwards everything is.

He hesitates as he strokes my hair out of my face and turns so he’s laid on his back with his knees bent over the side of the bed. Pulling my legs free before his big ass can crush them, he doesn’t look at me when he asks, “Do you want me to be there?”

I don’t know if it will hurt or help him given everything he’s been through.I stare at the pure-hearted devil and focus on the only thing that matters.

“Do you love Verena?”

The smile on his face is answer enough and he strokes my thighs, providing one verbally.

“Before she was even born.”

Laying my head on his chest, I continue collecting vows.

“Will you always be there for her?”

He massages my scalp, his palm over my ear pushing me further into his chest, but it doesn’t mute his conviction.

“For as long as I live.”

His life isn’t a justification for disappearing, however, understanding why he reacts the way he does chases away my anger. My threat is quiet as I look up, but he smiles at the promise in my eyes.

“Don’t ignore her anymore or hide away.”

He cups my face and strokes across my cheek with his thumb before he kisses my forehead. Vlad doesn’t move his lips when he voices his confession.

“I gave her my nights because you had her days, I have never ignored her.”

Hugging his sides tighter, I try to find out how far that care extends.

“Will you ignore me, or will we be cordial, so she never sees us arguing on birthdays?”

I’m abruptly lifted back by my nape and his eyes harden, all the emotions and vulnerability are knocked away as he speaks in a measured tone to hide his violence.

“What about the other days?”

I shrug and stare beside his head. “I won’t stop you seeing her whenever you want to, and we can split the nights for the ones when you don’t have any of the fights to run.”

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