“It’s not useless if you change at least one life, that’s one person who gets to grow up. They can go on and have a family, friends, anything they want, and it creates a new world for them. Not the billions currently on the planet.”
There’s so much conviction staring back at me as I look between his eyes, and it fills me with strength.
My hands come up, holding on to his wrists and it’s easier to breathe. He doesn’t say anything as he strokes my wet cheeks with his inked thumbs. We’re not speaking or sniping at each other. It’s purely silent comfort. I copy the movement on the back of his hands, some of his tattoos are old and they weren’t done correctly, making the tissue bump where the ink has been placed. His hands aren’t just weapons, they are his criminalportfolio, but I feel safer and more powerful knowing the murder they’re capable of.
My throat turns dry the longer I look at him. He’s beautiful and his cruel tongue usually chases away any appreciation, but in the silence I can’t stop myself from admiring him. He could easily be a model or a movie star with his looks alone, and I try to wet my throat to be able to breathe. I look away when the intensity fucks with my head. There’s a big splotch of watery black in the center of his chest from my tears, showing how bad my face probably looks with mascara streaked down my cheeks.
Sitting back, I keep hold of his wrists until the last second and my voice sounds small, offering an apology without saying the word.
“I dirtied your shirt.”
Vlad looks down then flicks his eyes to me and turns back into the prick.
“And you have snot on your face.”
I turn abruptly and give him my back to snatch a tissue and angrily wipe at my face. He couldn’t be a gentleman and refuse to acknowledge it.Who tells someone who’s clearly emotional that they have snot on their face?
The elevator pings, but I don’t turn, not wanting to showcase mysnottyface to any other asshole who lives here. They only take two steps before speaking slowly, “Vik has made you a sundae, come down when you’re ready.”
Valentin’s invite is filled with unease but at least there’s one soul inhabiting this house and family. Making himself useful, he walks away taking his brother with him and I wait until their presence has disappeared to go and sort mysnottyface out. I’d wipe my nose on his pillow if I knew where he slept. Fucking asshole.
The large mirror over the vanity in the bathroom shows how fucked I am. I look like a raccoon and my tears have drippeddown my neck revealing the bruising around the flecks of mascara that have traveled with them. I have to reapply it all. I know what’s seen as triumph and weakness — marks and scars. None of the guards will think I’m someone weak for having bruises and no one will get satisfaction from my pain.
I change my dress for good measure when there are watery mascara drops near the neckline before taking the elevator down.
There has never been anyone on the ground floor while the older Vartanovs were visiting, but it’s like a different house when I step out of the elevator and the sounds of a normal family come from the kitchen.Viktor is arguing with Vitali and guarding the sundae he’s made while his uncle tries to garner sympathy.
“Come on little man, I can’t move with my leg all messed up.”
The kitchen in the light is a world away from the last twelve hours as Viktor sits on the island protectively holding a sundae glass that’s filled with every bad thing a kid could want and stares his uncle down.
He relaxes as I walk in and pushes the dessert towards me with a smug smile in Vitali’s direction.
“Nessa this is yours, Tali has to make his own.”
He turns to look at me, no one would be able to guess he’s still healing as Vitali acts like the perpetual child.
“You’ll share with me won’t you big sister?”
My nose scrunches at the familial tie, and I pull the ice cream towards me with more force.
“I’m younger than you.”
Pointing out the obvious flaw doesn’t have the intended impact, and he laughs easily.It’s too easy as though he’s not biologically psychotic.
They’re all so strange, Vlad is a sociopath, but the rest of his family are normal by our standards. They have a social life and can laugh or make conversation without issuing threats. I don’tcomment on it in case their psychosis is dormant and eat my sundae as Viktor picks his own up. He ignores Vitali’s pouting and slides off the island to walk into the lounge. I linger in case Vitali needs help with his crutches and stay half a step behind him as he follows his nephew. Regret takes over as soon as I’ve sat down as Vlad comes in and pours a drink from the bar cart. He doesn’t look at anyone and takes the seat next to me. I don’t have any space to move over with Viktor on my other side and his brothers come in filling the other seats.
The littlest voice beside me comes out as he scrapes his spoon to collect the melted bits of ice cream and chocolate sauce at the bottom.
“Can I go to the fight tomorrow?”
Disgust fills me at them allowing him to see violence as Vlad streams a cage match on the TV. His dad answers, showing at least he’s being slightly responsible.
“Not until you’re older.”
He swaps the empty sundae glass for a mini crystal tumbler that matches their own and I grab it before it can touch Viktor’s little hand. The deadly voice beside me doesn’t match everyone’s attempts not to laugh as I bring the tumbler to my nose.
“It’s vitamin water.”