Page 81 of Beautifully Broken Control

“What was what about?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“That look Tuck gave you and Walker when we were talking about what happened.”

Cain’s jaw tightened. “You’re too observant for your own good.” I made a gesture for him to continue. Cain sighed. “A cleaning crew couldn’t accidentally loosen some fittings, not if they were installed correctly. They’re too tight.”

My brows pulled together. “So, what do you think happened?”

“I have no idea. It’s possible there was an error during installation, someone was lazy.” But something in Cain’s tone told me that he wasn’t totally convinced of that.

I nodded. Hopefully, they’d find some answers when they made the repairs. “I just want to grab a few things.”

“Here.” Cain laid the duffle bag he’d brought with him down on the bed.

“I really just want my jars, a couple of books, and this.” I reached up to my bookshelf and pulled down the photo of Preston and me. That flare of familiar pain danced along my sternum. This had been the best day. Some girls at school had been picking on me, so Preston had decided I needed a break. We’d both skipped classes, and he’d taken me into the city to the Central Park Zoo. We’d walked around and talked for hours. About what was going on at school, and about things that were of no importance.

No one had understood me better than my brother. But now…How could he not understand that I had to turn our father in, that I was trying to protect him? I knew, at his core, he wasn’t a greedy man. Sure, he enjoyed the privileges we’d grown up with, but he was also caring and incredibly generous. Tears stung the corners of my eyes.

Cain wrapped an arm around me, pulling my back to his front. “Why do you keep it out?”

“Why?”

“Yeah. It hurts you to look at it. Why do you keep it out? In a place where you see it every day.”

I traced Preston’s and my faces with my fingertip, both of us grinning so hugely in front of the polar bears. “Because I don’t want to forget that my brother loved me once. I don’t want to forget that I had this one magical relationship growing up, someone who laughed and teased, who supported and encouraged, someone who understood me. Just because it’s painful now, doesn’t mean I want to forget.”

I turned in Cain’s arms, and the pain I saw in his eyes stole my breath. “Cain, who did you lose?” It was impossible for me not to ask the question. I couldn’t see the depth of his pain and ignore it, even though I knew he wanted me to.

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I can’t talk about it.”

“Why?” The one word was a plea.Tell me. Show me. Trust me.

Cain released me. “I don’t want to. Don’t go there, okay? I’ve shared what I can.”

The words stung, invisible barbs coating my skin. “Maybe you should paint me a roadmap of what I’m allowed to ask about and what I’m not.”

His gaze met mine, and he nodded. I’d said the comment in anger, but he was taking it practically. “Anything after college is fair game. And I won’t talk about my family. Ever.”

I blinked up at him. I could have his present, maybe even his future, but I could never have his past. I wanted Cain, but I was selfish, I wanted all of him—the way he had all of me. My gaze skimmed over his face, the raw pain in his eyes, the hard set of his jaw. I couldn’t let him go, even if it hurt every day for the rest of my life not to have it all,somewould have to be good enough. “Okay.”

Cain’s shoulders sagged, and he pulled me to him, wrapping both arms around me and pressing his lips to the side of my head. “I’m sorry.”

I was, too. I hurt for him, for myself, and for whomever it was that he lost—the person I’d never know, who would always be a part of him. The present. The future. I had to stay focused on that. It was more than so many had, and I needed to be grateful.

I shrugged out of his hold. Even his hug was painful. “I need to see if Jensen wants to get rid of any stock that will go bad in the next few days, and then we can take it to Hope House. That okay with you?” I looked up at Cain but couldn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Of course.”

We gathered everything Jensen wanted to part with, which turned out to be quite a bit, and headed for the shelter. The drive over was quiet, both of us lost in our thoughts, my heart squeezing in a painful rhythm. As soon as Cain came to a stop, I hopped out of the SUV, grabbing a bag from the back.

Cain’s hand came to rest on mine when I tried to take a box, as well. “I can get the rest.”

I nodded, and we headed inside. I waved to a couple of residents who were seated at tables in the rec room. Jay looked up from the cards he held. “Need a hand, Kennedy?” He seemed to eye Cain suspiciously.

“We’ve got it. Thanks, though.”

“I don’t like that guy,” Cain muttered as he pushed open the door to the kitchen.

I let out a laugh. “That’s because you’re paranoid. Should I get you a tinfoil hat in case he’s an alien?”

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