Page 61 of Further To Fall

There was a burning sensation in my chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to, but I wanted us to have a chance to get to know each other again first without throwing more drama into the midst of things. And things have been a little crazy lately.”

He was right about things being crazy. Between my break-in and car accident, we had already been high on drama. But he still should have told me from the get-go. I took a deep breath and let it out. “Did you sleep with her?”

Austin closed his eyes, letting his chin fall to his chest. I died inside just a little. “Once. I told you, I was in a bad place when we stopped talking. I was mad at you—”

I cut him off, anger boiling to the surface. “So you did it to deliberately hurt me?”

“No!” He ran a hand over his buzzed head. “I just wanted to prove to myself that you didn’t have any control over what I did or didn’t do. And I was drinking a lot, so I wasn’t making the best decisions. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. All I can do is tell you that I’m so sorry I hurt you. Please, forgive me.”

Austin reached out for me, but I stepped out of his grasp again. “I need some time.” The words burned my throat as I fought the tears that were starting to gather. “I don’t know what I think right now, and I need some time to sort it out.”

He retracted his hand, clearing his throat. “Okay, how much time?”

“I don’t know.”

“This feels an awful lot like last time.”

I shrank back at his words. “It’s not like last time. I just need some time to get my thoughts straight.”

Austin nodded jerkily, but his fists were clenched so hard, I wondered if he’d break a finger. “I’ll give you time.” The words sounded gruff, as though he really didn’t want to say them. “But you have to know…I love you, Carter. I never wanted to tell you like this, but you need to know that. I love you.”

The tears spilled over now, tracking down my face. “That’s not fair.” How could he say those words now?

“Fuck fair! If there’s a chance you’ll leave me, I’m not fighting fair!”

My stomach hollowed out, and I started crying harder. He might love me, but what good was that if I couldn’t trust him to be honest with me. What good was that love when monsters kept popping out of every corner, threatening to stab me in the heart. I couldn’t do this, I didn’t want to hurt like this again. “I need to go home. I’m going to get Liam to give me a ride.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, but he said nothing. I ducked by him and out the door, keeping my head down until I reached Liam and Ford. They both took in my face with stony expressions. “Can you take me home?” I croaked.

Liam threw an arm around my shoulders. “Of course, we can.”

I kept my head down all the way to the car and let my tears fall.

Days turned into a week,and I still didn’t have any answers. What I did have were undereye circles the size of my fist, and clothes that were all fitting a little too loosely. Austin had clearly put Liam and Ford on operation don’t-let-Carter-drive-anywhere-by-herself because one of them always picked me up from school. Today, it was Liam. I stared out the window of his Maserati. Apparently, he was even more bougie than Austin.

My phone buzzed in the purse at my feet, and I tensed. I felt like one raw nerve lately. Between trying to reason through all my thoughts and feelings about Austin and a bunch of hang-up phone calls, I was ready to snap. I brushed off the feeling and slipped my phone from the bag,UNKNOWN CALLER. I pressed ignore, knowing whoever was on the other end wouldn’t leave a message. They never did.

“Everything okay?” Liam asked from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. How are things going with the new record?”

“It’s coming together, but what I’m really excited about is the tour. It’s been too long since I’ve been on the road.”

I smiled, and it didn’t feel as forced as it had been. I was so dang proud of everything Liam had accomplished. “That’s awesome, Li, I wish I could go with you.”

“I wish you could, too. Maybe you can come out for a few weeks this summer, we’ll be in Europe.”

“That would be awesome.”

Liam pulled up in front of my house. “Want me to walk you in?”

“No, big brother, I’ll be fine. Taylor’s already home. They had an early lacrosse game in West Hollywood.”

“Okay, take care of yourself and try to get some rest.”

I knew he was worried about me, so I didn’t give him any crap. “Will do.” I levered out of the car and waved to him when I reached the gate, but Liam waited while I punched in the code and didn’t drive off until I was safely inside the front yard.

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