Page 43 of Further To Fall

The sofa springs squeaked as Kyle sat down, throwing an arm over my shoulder and pulling me against him. “You’re going tolovethis film, it’s a cinematic masterpiece and one of my all-time favorites.”

A genuine smile came to my lips. This was one of the things I found charming about Kyle. He was a total film geek. I often didn’t completely get or enjoy the films that were his favorites, but I appreciated how passionate he was about them. It was adorable. “I’m excited to watch it,” I said, knowing I’d most likely need to fight nodding off.

I was right. Two and a half hours of subtitles would never be my idea of fun, but everyone had to make sacrifices for their significant other. Arching my back as I stretched, Kyle’s eyes dropped to my breasts. I had to bite my lip to keep from chuckling. He grabbed my wrist, pulling me onto his lap and pressing his lips to mine.

There was a flicker of heat as his tongue invaded my mouth, but it quickly faded away into nothing. My mind drifted to another embrace, and I cursed myself and that stupid kiss. One that had lasted under a minute was now the bar I held all other kisses to. I was starting to wonder if I had imagined the way my belly heated and my lips tingled when Austin’s mouth had been on mine. I tried to shake those memories from my mind, focusing on the feel of Kyle’s tongue dueling with my own.

His hands slipped beneath my top, stroking my skin. It felt nice. But wasnicewhat I should be feeling? Where were the dips in my stomach or the stuttering of my heartbeat? When Kyle reached for the clasp on my bra, I stilled his hands. He groaned in my ear. “Carter, come on.” His hands worked their way back to my bra, unclasping it.

I shoved at Kyle’s chest, and it wasn’t gentle. “Stop it. I told you that I just wasn’t ready to go there yet.” My stomach twisted into knots. Something was holding me back from being intimate with Kyle. A part of me felt guilty since we had been dating for a while now, but there was a larger part that knew I had to be true to what my gut was telling me.

Kyle brushed a frustrated hand through his hair. “This is getting a bit ridiculous at this point.”

“Look, Kyle, I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other.” The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to evaluate or second-guess them. But as soon as they left my lips, I knew it was the right decision.

Kyle ran a hand down my back. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. You just drive me crazy, and sometimes I get carried away. I promise to be more mindful.”

He leaned in to kiss me, but I held out a hand to stop him. “I appreciate that, but I still think we should stop seeing each other. We are just looking for different things right now.”

Kyle’s cheeks reddened. “I don’t agree. I think we do want the same things, you just have to be willing to let go of things in your past to see that.”

My stomach clenched at his insinuation. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.”

Kyle’s face only got redder, but he took a steadying breath and kept his cool. “I’m sorry you feel that way, and I hope you will take some time to think about it.”

“I will, but I don’t think I’ll change my mind.” I rose, refastening my bra. “I really am sorry, Kyle.”

He said nothing as I grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

The warm mug brought comfort,along with the hands that had prepared it. “I’m so sorry, Carter,” Taylor said as she settled on the opposite end of the couch.

“It’s all right. I never should have gone out with Kyle in the first place.”

“Don’t say that. You never know when a spark will appear. Sometimes, it’sPOW;but other times, it’s a delayed reaction that leads to a fireworks show. I’m just sorry this one ended with more of a fizzle. And that he was such a pushy jerk.”

Swallowing a sip of tea, I said, “Well, at least I tried, right?”

“Right.” Taylor’s eyes studied me carefully. “Do you think any of the lack of heat is because you’re still tied up in Austin?”

I sucked in a breath. We didn’t talk about Austin much after those first painful months following our falling out. I had been miserable. Our little group had kind of fallen apart. Taylor had stayed firmly entrenched in Team Carter, but it was like the guys were children of divorced parents with shared custody. I gave Austin the bar, never once setting foot in there since the night I had found Lexi on her knees and had even given up Liam’s Malibu beach house for the most part. But Liam and Ford made sure to spend time with me whenever they could, often coming over to Taylor’s and my house so we could feed them.

My friends rarely mentioned Austin unless I had a moment of weakness and asked about him. It’s not like I had a prayer of forgetting him, even if I would have tried. He waseverywhere. Sometimes, it felt like his face was stalking me around Los Angeles, looking down on me from larger-than-life billboards. He seemed to be touting everything from Gatorade to underwear. He’d even guest-starred on a television show. I had, of course, followed his launch into superstardom, secretly watching every single one of his fights on my laptop or iPad in my bedroom, screaming into my pillow when necessary. I think Taylor knew I did it, but she never said anything.

“I’ve never stopped missing him,” I admitted. “I’m not sure what that says about me after he basically told me I was an over-emotional baby and to get lost. Maybe I’m just messed up in the head.”

Taylor leaned forward and patted my knee. “You are not messed up in the head. And I don’t think he really meant it. Everyone has said something in the heat of the moment they wish they could take back.”

“Well, it’s not like he’s been pounding down my door, trying to apologize.”

Taylor made a humming sound around the edge of her cup before taking a sip of her tea. “For what it’s worth, I think you just triggered some of his deep-seated issues by getting so close to him.”

“My bestie, the shrink.” Taylor grinned at me over her mug. “At the end of the day, thewhydoesn’t really matter,” I continued. “He’s not in my life, and chances are, he never will be. I just have to find a way to get past it. Kyle wasn’t the one for me, but I have to keep the hope alive that someone out there will make me forget all about Austin Lyons.”

24

Austin

Iopened the door to my office and gestured for Liam to take a seat on the couch opposite two overstuffed chairs some overpriced interior designer had picked out. “So, what do you think?” I had just finished giving him the tour of my recently remodeled MMA training center. I had bought the old gym Mel owned six months ago, sending him off into retirement with a handsome paycheck.

---