Page 39 of Further To Fall

It feltas if a tiny elf were chiseling away behind my eyeballs. I opened my lids to find myself again in Liam’s guest room. At least I wasn’t in some fight groupie’s bed. That had happened more times than I wanted to admit over the last few months. I gingerly pushed myself into a seated position, rubbing a hand over my stubbled jaw. Fuck, I needed some painkillers and maybe a little hair of the dog.

I stumbled into the kitchen to find Liam and Ford both sitting at the dining nook, sipping coffee. “There any more of that?”

Liam studied me with an unreadable gaze. “Yup. In the pot.”

“Thanks.” I poured myself a cup in the largest mug I could find and took a seat next to Ford. An awkward silence followed. “Sorry if I did something stupid last night, it’s all a little hazy.”

Ford cleared his throat. “We wanted to talk to you about that.”

I looked between Ford and Liam, now noticing their creased brows and nervous glances. “Okay,” I said.

Liam leaned forward. “We’re worried about you. You’re drinking more than you ever have before—”

I interrupted him before he could continue. “I know I was shitfaced last night, and I’m sorry for whatever idiotic shit I pulled. But I just won my first UFL championship. Didn’t I deserve to cut loose after that?”

Liam and Ford exchanged a look. It was Ford who spoke. “You’ve been drinking a lot even when you’re in training, which youneverused to do. And you’re fucking anything that moves.”

I snorted. “So I’m having a littlefun, what’s wrong with that?”

Liam set his mug down on the table with a sharp clang. “You took a swing at Ford last night. I’ve never known you to do that before. And, quite frankly, if this is the newyou, I’m done.”

The few sips of coffee I’d taken settled in my gut like a lead weight. I took quick inventory of Ford’s face. He didn’t look hurt. “Did I make contact?” My voice came out hoarse.

“No, man. You only succeeded in taking yourself out.”

I swiped a hand over my brow. “Fuck. I’m sorry, man. Really, I—” I stumbled over my words because I didn’t know what the hell to say. There was no excuse for trying to deck one of your best friends just because you were wasted. I wasn’t a college frat boy; I was too old for this shit.

I wasn’t in total denial. I knew I was trying to numb myself. Trying to turn off those flickers of pain from missing Carter by fighting, fucking, and getting shitfaced. It had to stop. I may need a distraction, but I could throw myself into something worthwhile instead of into the bottom of a bottle.

I cleared my throat. “I hear you. I’m gonna make some changes.”

The set of both Ford’s and Liam’s shoulders relaxed. Shit. What had I been putting my friends through these past few months? I was a bastard.

“You know—” Ford started.

“Don’t,” Liam broke in.

“What? He’s a miserable bastard without her in his life.”

My spine straightened. “What are you talking about?”

A small grin spread over Ford’s face. “In your drunken state last night, you might have mentioned how much you missed Carter.”

My expression went on lockdown. “She doesn’t want me in her life, and I think that’s for the best. I need to focus on getting my shit together right now.”

“But—”

“He’s right,” Liam said. “He needs to clean up his act before he goes knocking on anyone’s door.”

My teeth ground together at the thought of Liam keeping me from Carter. There was this constant push and pull where she was concerned. A part of me that wanted nothing more than Carter back in my life. But in what capacity? She didn’t deserve me jerking her heart around. And every time I thought about committing to more with Carter, a panic seized my heart. So, I was left at this lonely impasse.

The one thing I did know is that I wasn’t going to drag my friends down with me anymore. I pushed up from the table. “Come on, I’ll treat you both to breakfast at The Griddle. Then, we can go shoot some hoops, and I’ll sweat the rest of this whiskey out of my bloodstream.”

Ford rubbed his hands together like some weird combination of an evil genius and little kid. “Now that’s an apology I can get behind.”

Liam stood, slapping a hand on my shoulder. “Good to have you back.”

21

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