Page 59 of Beautiful Exile

“Breathe, Cowboy,” Arden whispered. She reached out, her fingers sliding through mine and squeezing. “I’m just fine. And I have flipped someone on their ass for crossing the line. You don’t need to worry about me.”

My free hand lifted, ghosting over the side of her face. “Just because I don’tneedto worry about you doesn’t mean I won’t.”

Ellie leaned into the buckskin,pressing her forehead to Whiskey’s and breathing deeply. My little sister shouldn’t look like she belonged inthe mountains of Oregon, on a property that looked more ranch than anything else, but she did. And more than that, she looked more at peace than I’d seen her in years.

That knowledge had a grinding sensation picking up in my sternum. I wanted that peace for Ellie, not just for a few fleeting moments but always. She pulled back from the horse but scratched beneath Whiskey’s chin.

“Okay, after the full Sparrow Falls experience, I get it. I can see why you love it here.” There was a wistfulness in Ellie’s voice that only had the grinding sensation intensifying.

“You could stay,” I offered.

Ellie’s brows rose. “There’s too much to do for the wedding, and Bradley needs me for some business dinners.”

I couldn’t help the scowl that twisted my mouth.

“ConCon,” Ellie whispered, a pleading note in her voice.

I met my sister’s gaze and finally asked her the question I’d wanted to since the moment they’d gotten engaged. “Do you love him?”

“Yes,” she said instantly. But there was no joy in the word. So, I asked another question. Possibly the most important one.

“Are you happy?”

Ellie’s gaze shifted away from me and back to Whiskey. “I don’t think anyone’s happy all the time.”

“That’s fair. Are you happy most of the time? Is your life what you want it to be?”

Ellie’s pale green eyes glittered as tears filled them. “I don’t know.”

“El Bell.” I moved into her then, wrapping her in a hug like I’d done countless times before. “You deserve to have the life you want. Whatever that is.”

She sniffed, trying to rein in the tears. “I don’t know what I want. And it feels like I hurt someone with every direction I move.”

I gripped her tighter. “Ignore everyone but yourself, just for a minute. What would makeyouhappy?”

Ellie pulled back. “I can’t just ignore them. Their happiness islinked to mine. And whatever steps I take could mean some of those people aren’t in my life anymore.”

“If you’re this uncertain, do you really think you should be getting married in a few months?” I asked, keeping my voice as gentle as I could.

Ellie’s spine straightened. “It’s just cold feet. This is a big life change. It’s understandable that I’m nervous.”

“Sure, it’s natural to be nervous, but I want to make sure you aren’t doing this just because Dad wants you to. This isyourlife.” And God, I didn’t want her to waste it on anyone who didn’t deserve her.

Ellie brushed some dirt off her pants, evidence that perhaps this wasn’t her world. “It is my life. And it’s important to me not to lose my dad when I already don’t have a mom.Andit’s important to me not to lose you.”

I saw it then, what this trip really was. Ellie wanted to know that she wouldn’t lose me when she submerged herself in the life I’d run from. She was doing whatever she could to hold on to everyone, even at great cost to herself.

“Told you, El Bell. You’ll never lose me.Never.I promise.”

Her shoulders sagged in relief. “Thanks, ConCon.”

Ellie’s relief was an ice pick to the chest. Just like it would be when she walked away tomorrow and headed back to that vipers’ den. And all I would be able to do was pray that her path didn’t take the same route as our mother’s.

22

ARDEN

I sat in my truck,staring up at the house I’d spent half my life in. The large, rambling farmhouse was still in impeccable condition. Nora wouldn’t have it any other way. But it wasn’t in a quest to be perfect, the way I often felt my mother had been. This was an appreciation for everything she had.

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