Page 7 of The Do-Over

It sounds cliché, but I felt the blood drain from my face. Like, Ifeltit. I saw sparkly stars in front of my eyes and my hearing turned furry as the ramifications of her statement sunk in.

No getting far away for the summer.

No prestigious program to list on my college applications.

Being left behind while Josh attendedhisprestigious summer program.

No Northwestern.

“Emilie?” Mr. Kessler narrowed his eyes and looked like he was afraid I was going to faint.As if. There were a hundred things I felt like doing at that moment—most of them violent—and fainting wasn’t one of them.

I tucked my hair behind my ears and worked for a polite smile. “So that’s the final and confirmed tally, then?”

Mrs. Bowen’s lips turned down and she nodded. “We are so terribly sorry.”

“Well.” I shrugged and smiled. “What can you do, right? These things happen. I appreciate the opportunity.”

The woman tilted her head, like she couldn’t believe I wasn’t freaking out.Trust me, lady, I’ve learned that freaking out never changes a thing. She added, “I just cannot apologize enough, Emilie.”

“I understand.” I cleared my throat and stood. “Thank you for letting me know.”

I left with my head held high and went straight to the bathroom. I hated crying, but there was a huge ball of devastation sitting right on top of my sternum that threatened to knock me over if I didn’t take a minute.

I texted both of my parents and neither of them responded.

It was so undignified, sitting fully clothed on a toilet andcrying, but it was just such a blow. Everything I’d been working toward might’ve just been ripped out of my hands.

Because when the topic of college was first broached after the divorce, my parents were very clear that if I planned on going away to school, I was going to have to find scholarships. The dissolution of their marriage had apparently wreaked havoc on their savings, what with all the fighting through lawyers and such, so there was nothing set aside for my education.

I’d taken that to heart and dedicated myself to educational excellence. Since that fateful conversation, I’d earned all As, thrown myself into writing for the school newspaper, and I’d taken the ACT five times even though my score had been exemplary the first time.

Every little point counted, after all.

But in order to go somewhere like Northwestern—my dream school—without my parents bankrolling the excursion, I needed perfection. Impeccable extracurriculars, letters of recommendation, a plethora of volunteer hours. I needed everything.

And evenwiththose, I might still fall short.

The other thing that I didn’t like to admit to myself was that I didn’t want Josh to beat me. We had the same GPA—the same weighted 4.4 GPA—and it irked me when he pulled ahead. I couldn’t stand the smug look that crossed his face when he was winning, and if Josh was doing better than me, affection wasnotthe feels coming over me.

I spent a few more minutes getting control of my emotionsbefore I wiped at my eyes and stood. It was Valentine’s Day, dammit. I was going to soak up every glorious minute ofthatand not think about the rest until tomorrow.

There were two more written-in-red events left on my to-do list—gift exchange and saying those three big words. I was going to throw myself into checking off those boxes and forgetting the rest.

CONFESSION #3

I have a perfect fake ID.

Between classes, I stopped at Josh’s friend Blake’s locker to ask if he’d seen my boyfriend. I’d yet to connect with him in person on Valentine’s Day, and I desperately needed to see his face. There was no way for us to have the perfect day I’d planned if we weren’t together.

Blake was leaning against the wall and texting when I said, “Have you seen Josh? He’s usually hanging out in the commons between classes but I don’t see him anywhere.”

“Nah.” He looked over my head, appearing—as always—like he didn’t even see me. I’d never figured out if Blake hated me or if I scared him, and it drove me to distraction. Chris always said I had serious issues with needing people to like me, and I always considered him to be wrong except for when I was in the presence of Blake.

He said, “No idea where he is.”

“Oh. Well, thanks.” I turned away and felt silly just for existing. Blake was one of those guys that made you feel that way.

I first met Josh when we were both selected to be tutors for the Math Lab. We showed up in the counselors’ office at the exact same minute, and I almost swallowed my tongue when he smiled and held the door for me. I knew who he was, but then again, who didn’t?

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