Page 2 of Mr. Wrong Number

Spoiler: They always noticed.

But two hours later I was still wide-awake, lying on the floor of my brother’s office on his squeaky old air mattress, staring at the ceiling through puffy eyes and replaying over and over again all of the terrible things that’d happened before I fled Chicago.

The layoff. The cheating. The breakup. The fire.

And then I said, “Screw. This.”

I got up, went into that shiny kitchen, cracked the seal on a bottle of tequila that had a smiley mustachioed sun on the bottle, and I made myself the world’s biggest night-night toddy.I might have a headache in the morning, but at least I’d get some sleep.

•••

“LIVVIE, IT’S MOM.I thought you were coming over today.”

I opened my eyes—well, only one would open—and looked at the phone my mother was shouting at me from. Eight thirty? She’d expected me to show up at their house at dawn? God, the woman was like some kind of sadistic, dog-torturing serial killer or something.

Why had I answered again?

“I was. I mean, I am. My alarm was just about to go off.”

“Well, I thought you were job hunting today.”

Adele started blaring through the apartment again—what the hell—and I yelled, “Alexa, turn off music.”

My mother said, “Who are you talking to?”

“No one.” The music still blared. “Alexa, turn off Adele!”

“Do you have friends over?”

“Oh, my God. No.” My second eye finally opened and I sat up, my entire forehead clenched in a massive ache as the music came to an abrupt halt. “I was talking to Jack’s stereo.”

She sighed one of her why-is-my-daughter-such-a-nut sighs. “So are you not job hunting, then?”

Someone please kill me.I said through wicked cotton mouth, “I am. The internet makes it okay to start at noon, I swear, Ma.”

“I don’t even know what you’re saying. Are you coming over or not?”

I took a deep breath through my nose and remembered mywardrobe problems. Until I could wash my bottoms, I was hosed. So I said, “Not. Until later. The job is my number one priority, so I’ll swing by after I get some apps put in.”

And also after I found a pair of pants.

“Is your brother there?”

“I have no idea.”

“How can you not know if he’s there?”

“Because I’m still in bed, and the door is closed.”

“Why would you sleep with the door closed? That spare room will get really stuffy if you don’t open it up.”

“Oh. My. God.” I sighed and rubbed my temple. “I will get out of bed in a minute, and if I see your other-gendered offspring, I will tell him to call you. Okay?”

“Oh, I don’t need him to call me. I was just wondering if he’s there.”

“I have to go.”

“Did you deposit that money yet?”

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