Page 19 of Every Promise Broken

After Conrad and I got a divorce, I thought I would be alone the rest of my life. My heart was tattered and my soul was tired—so unbelievably tired—that the idea of ever giving myself to someone in that way again almost felt nauseating. I think the reason I gave Reggie a chance was because, deep down, I knew I was safe. And I don’t mean physically safe, because of course, I was that too, but safe as in I knew I wouldn’t end up hurt like I was with Conrad.

Because I knew in my heart, he could never be Conrad. I knew, even if subconsciously, that I could never fall for Reggie in the same way I fell for Conrad. Reggie was my safe bet. He was the nice guy I felt I needed. The one who I didn’t have to worry about falling too hard for. I think I always knew our relationship was never going to be any deeper than surface level, and that’s honestly fucked up, especially because I’m certain it’s more than that for Reggie.

Maybe I got comfortable. Reggie doesn’t live near me, and we have two very different lives outside of our relationship, so that made keeping it up easier. And it wasn’t always something I felt I needed to keep up. For a while, I think I was truly happy. I wasn’tin love or thinking about marriage or a future, but I was happy. Reggieisa great guy. He’s fun to hang around, and he’s sweet and thoughtful, and he isn’t overly concerned about sex, which is a huge plus for me. He never pressured me for more than I was willing to give, and I know a lot of men wouldn’t be the same.

Reggie wassafe. He is safe, but I can’t keep stringing him along just for that reason. It’s not fair to him, and he deserves so much more than this.

After I finish grilling the food, we all sit down and eat. The rest of the afternoon passes without much fuss. It’s fun, and everyone is having a great time, but it’s hard for me to focus on that when I know what’s coming later. What has to come.

It’s about three by the time everyone leaves. Reggie stays back to help me clean up and load everything into my truck before following me back to my house. The whole drive home, my heart is pounding viciously against my ribcage. My stomach is in knots, and it feels like I’m seconds from losing my lunch all over my steering wheel. About halfway there, I realize, unintentionally, I’m driving slower than I should, trying to prolong the drive, like maybe if it takes longer to get there, I won’t have to have the conversation anymore.

God, I’m a coward.

Pulling into my driveway, I watch him park beside me out of the corner of my eye, and after taking a few deep breaths, I turn off the ignition and climb out. Taking the pathway toward the front door, Reggie follows behind me silently. The air is so tense, it’s nearly suffocating, and I don’t know how to fix it. If I had to guess, I think Reggie probably knows what’s coming. There’s no way this tension is made up in my head.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I ask as I slip out of my shoes.

“No, I’m okay.” He smiles at me. “Thank you, though.”

“Wanna go sit out back since it’s so nice out?”

“Sure.”

Here goes nothing.

We sit down on the chairs on opposite sides of the patio table. I look out into my yard, gathering the courage to do what needs to be done.

My backyard is my own personal oasis. I’ve enjoyed making this area my spot of peace since I bought the house several years back. The entire area is shaded by huge trees, making it a cool spot to be, even in the sweltering summer months. On either side of the yard, in front of the fences, there are flower beds that I’ve dug out and planted myself. In the spring and summer, they’re full of bright and vibrant colors.

I glance at Reggie, finding him already looking at me. “What’s going on with us lately?” he asks, brows pinched.

Blowing out a breath, gaze turned downward, I rub my thumb and index finger together in my lap. The act normally helps bring me peace, but it’s doing nothing of the sort. I may as well just spit it out, because drawing it out is only going to make this more uncomfortable.

“I think we should break up.” The words come out in a hurry, and when he doesn’t say anything back after a few seconds, I turn my head, meeting his gaze. “Did you hear me?”

“I heard you.”

“Okay, well, you didn’t say anything, so I wasn’t sure.”

Lips pressed into a thin line, Reggie looks at me with an unreadable expression. It’s making me nervous. “Where is this coming from?” he finally asks. “Did I do something?”

The question guts me. “You haven’t done anything,” I rasp, linking my fingers together and twisting.

“Then what? I know we’ve both been busy lately, but I thought we were okay.”

It’s a mistake to look at him again. His eyes are big and wide, full of sadness. Confusion. And I desperately wish I had ananswer for him. A reason why this isn’t working anymore, but the truth is, it’s just not.

“I’m so sorry, Reggie,” I say empathetically. “You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re wonderful, and I know you’re going to make someone very happy one day. This really is about me. I’m just…” Raking a hand through my hair, I try to think of the best way to put this. “I’ve got a lot on my plate, and I just don’t think I’m in a place to devote the time you deserve in this relationship.”

“I don’t get it,” he murmurs. “You’re supposed to lean on your partner when you’re struggling. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Reggie…” I say his name on an exaggerated breath. “I can’t, okay? I can’t do this anymore. Please don’t make me explain it any further than this.”

He’s quiet for a moment, eyes filled with moisture, the silence tense and horrendously awkward. I wish he’d take a hint and leave. Why is he drawing this out? If I was being dumped, I’d be hightailing it so fast out of here.

“Can we at least still be friends?” he asks, and internally, I cringe so hard.

What a ridiculous thing to ask. “I mean, do you really think we’re going to remain friends?”

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