Page 55 of Worthy

Was I ready for it? Would Ieverbe ready??

So much doubt was swirling inside me, I was about to leave and never look back. And that’s when God sent me a sign… Through a glory hole.

I guess that’s what they’re called… I didn’t know that until Tate said it earlier.

What kind of coincidence is it that it ended up being Tate on the other side of that wall? The guy responsible for the cancerous mass of confusion that’s been living inside me for sixteen years…

For all my equality and acceptance sermons, maybe a part of me still doesn’t think God actually works that way. Have I been lying to everyone around me this whole time?

It’s a test. It has to be a test.

Because this isn’t just about my sexuality… It’s about the fact that I’mmarried. Isn’t God supposed to lead me out of temptation and back to my wife?

I feel like such a hypocrite. Preaching acceptance for all forms of love, but only for people other than myself.

All of this nonsense waging war inside me has driven me to drink. I wasn’t lying to Tate earlier when I told him I don’t drink much. I haven’t since college.I guess there are a few bad things I haven’t done since college…

Taking a large swig from my bottle of beer, I glance around the party. The sun is setting, bringing on a nice breeze, a reprieve from the earlier stifling heat. The ambiance of the twinkly lights above our heads is nice, but I can’t enjoy it. I’m too busy watching Tate from afar… Like a total stalker.

He’s been blatantly flirting with guys for the past hour, since he brushed off my apology yet again. And I’ve just been standing around, pretending it’s not driving me crazy, when in reality, I couldn’t tell you a single thing anyone else has said to me since I’ve been here. Every conversation I’ve had has gone in one ear and out the other because I’m too busy eyeing my former friend, and the hands of various guys that he allows to shamelessly wander all over him.

Maybe Ihavechanged a lot since college… I’m sure we all have. But Tate isn’t immune to it himself. He seems more hostile than he used to be… More closed-off.

Tate’s always been clever, witty, and unapologetically wicked at times. But he never used to stuff down his emotions. At least, not with me. I hate to think that I made him this way… That he’s forever shelved his vulnerable side just because I got scared and turned my back on him.

I know he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say… That much is clear. But I refuse to believe he was just looking for a meaningless hook-up in that bathroom stall. Sure, it would fit his M.O., but it felt like more than that.

I don’t want to leave without confronting what happened… If for no other reason than preserving my own sanity.

My stomach twists up into a painful knot when I see Tate following a few of hisfriendsinside the house. They’re all touchy feely, whispering things to each other that I know it would kill me to hear. I think it’s obvious they’re going inside to hook up.

And I just can’t have that.

Stalking back inside the house, my hand squeezes into a fist when I see one of the guys, a large shirtless man with very tanned skin and elaborate muscles, shoving Tate up against the wall. He plants a kiss on Tate’s mouth while the other guy, a slimmer dude with a shaved head, runs his hands all over the two of them.

“Tate,” I growl, stomping over while radiating emotions so unfamiliar, I barely know how to process them.

Tate’s eyes open and he peeks at me, pulling away from the hungry kisses of his aggressive pal. He scowls at me, then sighs, sifting his fingers through his hair.

“Excuse me for a moment, boys,” he says to the guys, who are casting me curious, judgemental looks. “I just need to deal with something real quick.” He glances at the guys and pouts. “Don’t start without me.”

“No promises,” the shaved-head man says, taking the hand of the bigger guy and dragging him into a nearby room.

The door slams shut behind them and I hear laughing from inside.

“Wow.” Tate purses his lips at me. “Still cockblocking, all these years later.”

I know exactly what he’s referring to, and it has me chewing on the inside of my cheek so hard I taste blood.

“A threesome on Pride seems pretty cliché, don’t you think?” I step up to him until we’re only a foot apart.

“Actually, there are two more guys in that room already.” He tilts his head, giving me a cocky smirk in response to my obvious look of concern. “This is how we party, Hardy.” His smirk widens, and I force myself not to react to his little rhyming joke. “Jeez, lighten up. It’sPride… It’s a celebration.”

“So you only do stuff like that during Pride?” I cock a brow.

He rolls his eyes. “Why are you here?? Why are you policing what I do? And why do you even care??” His sudden burst of emotion twists me up. “Youleft, remember?Youdid. We haven’t spoken in sixteen years, Lance. You can’t just show up out of nowhere and start throwing all these questions and accusations at me…”

“I’m not accusing you of anything, Tate,” I say firmly. “I just want to explain. Running into you in that bathroom was—”

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