Page 115 of Kismet

“I wish you were here,” I tell him again, because I do. Falling asleep next to Stone, or wrapped up in his arms, is incomparable. The best sleeps I have are the ones where I’m with him. Sometimes it scares me how comfortable I am with him. How much my body craves him. My heart beats differently for him, and there’s no denying it.

What scares me even more than being comfortable with him, is the fact that I can see it all with him. I can see good morning kisses, and late-night movies on the couch, falling asleep tangled up in each other. Saturday mornings spent cuddling in bed together, curious fingers trailing over naked skin. Sunday morning brunch, and cooking our favorite foods together, while we dance in the kitchen to his ridiculous music. I can see petty arguments had, only to make up passionately after. I can see marriage, and buying houses. Growing old together and years upon years of memories.

But I gave him the power to destroy me once and even though I know the truth now, I’d be lying if I said the concern wasn’t still there. No matter how small, it’s there. The intensity of my feelings for him makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

His soft snores pull me out of my head. My chest physically aches as I watch him sleep. Nothing has ever felt as right as he does.

And it’s fuckingterrifying.

Chapter Forty-Two

Stone Philips

Over the last few weeks, Cash and I have fallen into somewhat of a comfortable routine. Weekends are ours to spend together, and we have lunch together most days at work, if our schedules allow it. He’s extremely adamant about not having sleepovers during the week. No idea why. I wish he’d budge on it, because I want all the time I can get with him. Time spent with him always feels so perfect, but I can’t help but think he’s still holding back. Like he can’t allow himself to fully give himself to me.

It’s Friday, and he’s on his way over to stay the night. We’re ordering in and watching movies. I’ve decided I’m going to talk to him and see where his head is at. I don’tneedhim to tell me he loves me back. I meant it when I told him that, but knowing he’s at least heading in that direction would help, I think.

Plus, if we’re going to make this work between us, honesty and communication is key. So, me talking to him about this is normal… right? Yeah. At least that’s what I tell myself up until he knocks on my door. Then my stomach flutters with nerves and my palms start to sweat.

What the fuck?! Get it together, Stone. Shit.

Pulling open the door, the breath is stolen from my lungs. As it is every single time I see him. He’s so fucking beautiful. Golden, sun kissed skin, big, curious doe eyes, strikingly sharp features, and the most fucking kissable lips. He has that effortless pout that looks incredible wrapped around my cock.

“Hey, baby,” I greet him with a smile, pretending like my dick isn’t starting to swell at the thought of his mouth around me.

“Hi.” He steps into my space, pressing those delectable lips to mine, and I melt. I’m putty in his hands. His hand wraps around the back of my neck, and his tongue swipes along the seam of my lips. When he dips inside, I can’t help the deep groan. He must’ve smoked before coming here, as nicotine floods my senses.

When he pulls away, his eyes are glazed and hooded, and he looks at me with a sated grin that I’ve come to crave. He takes off his shoes, and I close the front door before we make our way toward the living room. My heart is racing, but I think we should talk now while it’s fresh on my mind. Get it out of the way so we can enjoy our night.

We both sit on the couch, and I turn my body to face him. “Hey, can we talk real quick? Something’s been on my mind and I wanna get it off my chest.”

I don’t miss the way his eyes widen, and the way his Adam’s apple bobs on a harsh swallow. Chuckling dryly, he asks, “This you breaking up with me, teach?”

He says it lightly, with a joking facade, but I immediately feel terrible. Especially with him calling me “teach.” “No! Oh, fuck, Cash. Nothing like that.”

“I’m kidding.” He laughs. “What’s up?”

It’s my turn to swallow hard now. My throat suddenly drier than hell. “I just… I want to see where your head’s at. I know we talked a while back and we laid it all out there, and we’ve been having fun and enjoying each other, but I don’t know where you’re at or what you want from this going forward.”

Peering over at him, I’m not sure what I expected to find—horror, humor, disgust—but I don’t see any of that. He’s watching me and truly listening. He reaches out and grabs my hand, which sends a zap of electricity straight through me.

“I’m glad you brought this up,” he says, bringing my hand up to his lips as he kisses it softly. “I really fucking care about you, and I’m happy with where we’ve gotten to. I never thought we’d end up here. I know it’s taken me longer to come to terms with everything, but I want to see where this goes.”

I let out a bated breath. “You do?”

He smiles. “Yes, I really do. There’s also something I need to talk to you about too.”

And just like that, the nerves in my gut are back. “Okay…”

“So, I know you know about the manuscript I’m writing.”

“Yeah,” I reply.

“I haven’t shared much about it. It’s deeply personal and sharing is hard for me. I started writing it after you left. It was therapeutic and healing in a way. And, uh, it’s somewhat based on us…” His deep brown eyes snap to mine, as if waiting for my reaction.

My brows raise as my pulse hammers. “What? It is? I thought it was about a farmer.”

His lip turns up in a ridiculously sexy crooked grin. “Yes, it is about a farmer. A lonely farmer who lays under the stars every night, talking to the universe, pleading to find the missing piece of his soul.” He averts his eyes to his lap before he continues, my heart pounding a mile a minute as I listen. “Writing helped tremendously, like I said, when you left. This particular version of the story wasn’t started until about a year ago, but bits and pieces of it were written along the way since you left. It helped mend the part of me that felt broken, while also letting me feel close to you in a way.”

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