Page 116 of Kismet

Leaving Washington all those years ago gutted me. I was never the same. Sometimes, heartbreak and trauma can make it easy to forget that I’m not the only one who went through it, not the only one who got hurt. I hurt Cash, whether I meant to or not, and this book helped him grieve and heal. “Wow, Cash. I had no idea.” Leaning in and resting my forehead on his, I say, “Sounds like it’s going to be an amazing book. You’ve always been so talented. If anyone could do it, it’d be you.”

A slight blush colors his cheeks, and he leans in quickly, pressing his lips to mine before continuing. “The reason I’m bringing it up is that it’s something I startedfor mebefore you came back into my life, and it’s something I need to see all the way throughfor me. While I love that we found our way back to each other, I still need to finish this. It’s a piece of who I am, and it means a lot to me.”

“Of course, Cash. I want you to pursue any and everything. Us being together doesn’t change that.” Did I give off some sort of vibe that made him feel like his dreams couldn’t be met if we were together?!

“I know. I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to take the summer to complete it. My folks have been offering me a trip to celebrate getting my PhD, but with me getting this job and moving so quickly, I never got to.”

“Okay…” I swallow roughly..

“I’m, uh…” He clears his throat, locking his eyes with mine. “I’m gonna go backpacking this summer and focus on finishing my manuscript. I want to soul search and dig deep into myself, so this can be the best it can be. And when I return, I want to be able to publish it.”

My throat plummets to my stomach, and I feel dizzy. “What are you saying, then?”

“This doesn’t change anything for us, Stone,” he rushes out. “Nothing. I still very much want to be with you and see where this leads us, but I need to do this for myself. It’s something I started when I was alone and hurting, and I need to see it through. I don’t plan to go the entire summer without talking to you. I would actually be really fucking pissed if you didn’t talk to me all summer. I just won’t be here. It’s only a few months, and we have FaceTime and texting. Please understand this and support me with what I need.”

I’m processing everything he’s said and I’m trying to read between any lines, but I’m coming up empty. He seems genuine and a huge part of making us work is trust and communication, like I’ve said several times before. If he’s saying this isn’t the end, then I need to believe him.

“So, when will you leave?”

“I have to talk with my parents, but most likely as soon as classes break for summer. I doubt I’ll be gone the entire summer, but a good majority of it.”

“When you come back, can I read it?” I don’t know why I feel so sheepish asking him that, but it feels like a huge question. The story is largely based on us, and that’s intense.

He smirks, quirking a brow. “You’d want to?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. But yes, you can read it once I finish it. I would love that, in fact. You’re really okay with this?”

“Cash, I want to spend my entire life with you. If you need a few months to figure your shit out and complete this chapter of your life then, by all means, take it. So long as you come home to me when you’re done. I meant it when I said I was in love with you. I’m so fucking crazy about you and couldn’t imagine living life without you. I want you to reach your goals, chase your dreams. Things that are important to you are important to me.”

Before that last word leaves my lips, he’s flying across the couch and crashing his lips against mine. We fall back, with him situating between my legs, as we devour one another. His tongue strokes mine, his hands curling around the back of my neck, as mine grab his hips, keeping him as close to me as possible. We get lost to each other for a while, making out like we have all the time in the world… and maybe we do. We’re both rock solid in a matter of seconds, but neither of us makes any move to do anything more than hold on to each other and pour our feelings into this kiss.

By the time we pull apart, our lips are red and swollen, both of us looking drunk off one another. We spend the rest of the evening curled up together on the couch. Not worrying about the rest of the school year, not worrying about what the summer will bring, or what after will bring. We simply just exist together, the way that feels natural.

There’re still a couple of months of school left, and then after summer, we have our whole lives. What’s meant to be will always find a way, and I truly believe that. The universe has brought us together not once, but twice, and there’s a reason for that.

Part Three

“It was instinctive, the way I fell for you. Like an effortless intake of breath.”

-Josh Walker

Theme Song:

Without Fearby Dermot Kennedy

Chapter Forty-Three

Cash DeMarco

July—Dublin, Ireland

I’m about three weeks into my two-month faux-backpacking adventure. I say faux because I’m mostly staying in hotels or rented homes and rooms inside ridiculously lavish castles. Not really authentically backpacking. It’s been amazing traveling, though, seeing all the rich culture and history, and I’ve gotten solid writing done. I started in England; went to London and visited Westminster Abbey and Buckingham Palace. Both of those were such an experience. Also spent some time in Manchester and Brighton before leaving England and heading to Scotland.

Glasgow was my first stop there, and the fucking art museums areunbelievable. And the architecture was breathtaking. I’ve taken so many pictures and videos to show Stone, but of course, none of them do any of it justice. I spent several days in the Cairngorms, hiking and sightseeing. That was where the majority of my writing has taken place. The views are astonishing. Miles of wide-open spaces with no one around. It was easy to get lost in my words.

I arrived in Ireland yesterday. My first stop was Dublin, which is where I’m at now. Castles, cathedrals, and museums made up my entire day yesterday. The history in these places is inspiring. I’ve never seen anything like it. Every now and then, I’ll get a pang in my stomach and wish Stone was here to share this experience with, but this is what I asked for. And if he were here, there’s no way I would be getting any writing done. I spent most of my day at the Phoenix Park today, feeding deer and pouring my heart and soul into my manuscript.

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