Page 27 of Dravin
I’ve rarely had time for fantasies about women and even less time has been spent on sex. I’ve acquainted my dick with my own fist often enough, and that’s been the way it’s been. Sex isn’t often on the table for a man like me. I got used to thatearly on and now I’m conditioned to it. I never saw myself as the marrying type, so dating just never made sense.
Even if I’d wanted to, during my teen years, there was no way I ever would have brought someone around the trailer, and later, it just wasn’t possible. The few brief encounters I’ve had since I went back to civilian life were so vastly unsatisfying that it wasn’t worth it. if I can’t date someone, I don’t feel right about fucking around. Some people would laugh at the concept of it meaning something past a few minutes of pleasure, but I guess I’m wired different.
Kael would probably sass me saying that I sure as fuck am and mean that in the worst possible way. That doesn’t stop me from imagining her smart mouth open and panting while both those blonds suck her tits and lick her sweet pussy.
What the actual fuck?I don’t have the kind of brain that goes to fucking places like this. I’m always too busy planning out escape routes and finding exits. I grind my teeth so hard that my jaw nearly locks up. This isn’t helping anything.
“Fuck.” Wizard glances up from his phone and jams it into his pocket. “The cameras just went out at one of the warehouses. I’m gonna take a few prospects and ride over there.”
“I can go.” Technically, it’s my job.
He waves me off, “Nah. I need some fresh air anyway. I don’t get out as often as I want to for rides. At least it’s a good excuse when shit like this happens. It’s loud in here.”
The jukebox is playing in the corner, and the din of conversation pretty much drowns it out. He’s right. Far, far too loud. I get what he means about fresh air.
Dealing with security and computer shit is far less stressful than hunting people down for a living. It’s a nice change of pace. One I don’t mind at all. It just so happens that to be good at one, I had to be good at the other. In the digital era, it’s hard not to leave a footprint.
“If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure. We’re gonna have to get you a bike soon. Most guys hate having to rely on a cage. Want me to take you to Seattle this weekend and we can look around?”
I hesitate, trying not to look immediately over at Kael. Of course I fail and of course Wizard calls me on it. “Your sister could come, if you’re worried about leaving her here. I get that you’re close and I understand why now.”
I should never have insisted that Kael get acquainted with the old ladies. The day after they went by her house, I heard all about how we had a brother who died and we had to leave and start over because we just couldn’t deal with it. They were calling her Calliope. Again. Not Amy, like her damn ID says. Little mistakes can prove fatal, we should have got our story straight. I don’t like it. I haven’t talked to her yet, but I will.
“Yeah.” I rub the back of my neck, ridged scars meeting my fingers. Normally, I don’t notice, but tonight they feel tight. These ones aren’t from shrapnel, at least not the metal kind. Jumping through a window can be just as wicked. “I’m on it. I’ve been messaging this guy that has a big boneyard of old bikes. I’m trying to get something lined up to go out there one day and see if there’s anything I can salvage.”
Wizard rolls his eyes. “You should talk to Atlas. He loves a mechanical challenge,” He laughs. “If that’s what you want, we’ll get it put together as a club. Those are always funprojects. I’m into computers, but most of the guys here are gearheads and real mechanics. You’ll have the place fucking buzzing and itching to bring something like that back to life.”
Sometimes, this place blows my mind.
The plan wasn’t to come here and actually patch in. Most guys prospect for a year or longer. By then, Kael and I will be long gone. This is a job for me, never a family, but it’s hard not to be drawn in.
It’s hard not to want to have afamilyonce more.
I got a bead that the place would be okay, and I trusted that gut feeling when I needed to, but I had no idea just how right it would feel once I got here.
My gaze is drawn irrevocably back to the woman in the corner. She shares a small, unforced smile with the women around her and my heart stutters and twists. She’ll never give me one of those smiles. No secret expression or genuine lift of her lips. She probably still hates me. I’ve been forced to endure many things in my life, deprivations, horrors, and gut wrenching grief, but this is somehow the worst of it.
Which probably makes me a fucking idiot.
Wizard claps me on the shoulder. Most of the guys in the club do that. It’s like a version of a secret bro handshake. As a rule, I don’t generally like to be touched, but I’ve learned to shut up and put up when it comes to this. It’s not like it’s torture, and I know that for some reason, these guys have my back though I’ve done virtually nothing to earn their trust. Anyone would say that they’re stupid for giving it out so easily, but that’s not true at all. I think they’re actually very careful about who they let close to the heart of them and their club.Tyrant has something that most people don’t. Extraordinarily good instincts.
“I’m outta here then. Take care, yeah?”
“I’ll be back at the clubhouse later, or call if you need me for anything.”
“Will do.”
After he leaves, I mean to at least try to blend in with the other guys, even if that means more pool or tossing darts around, things I both detest. I’ve grown used to discipline over the years and it’s not a problem to enforce it on myself. I’ve done a lot of things I haven’t liked. Life isn’t about joy or comfort. I’m walking across the bar towards Grave and Decay—twin brothers who have the personalities of rotten potatoes, when I notice the young server bringing Kael and her group of women another round of drinks.
It’s a bar. Whatever.
But Kael hasn’t had anything to drink in a year that I’m aware of, and who knows what her tolerance was before that. I should trust that she knows what she’s doing, and that she isn’t gonna get drunk and blurt out her history. But she’s already well on her way to blowing this up completely, and that was after one brief gathering at her house that couldn’t have lasted for more than a few hours.
I force myself to keep walking, and then to engage in mind numbing conversation about jacked up trucks, who has the louder bike, and new gym routines and protein shakes. Fuck, these guys are going to dust my last life by boring me to death. The only advantage is that from where I’m standing, I can keep an eye on Kael.
Eventually, Tyrant comes to claim Lark, Raiden hauls up Ella to find a booth near the back of the place so they can eat each other’s faces like they’re sixteen and have five stolen minutes, Tarynn gravitates back to Crow and they split their attention between the servers she knows well because she used to work here and Patti—the motherly but tough lady who owns the place and is working the bar. Willa and Lynette get pulled away by Atlas and Bullet and convinced to team up for a game of pool, and Gunner disappears with Diletta, who at least looks regretful about being the last to skip out on Kael.
