Page 97 of Finding Home with You

“I want to resign. Nothing you can say will make me think differently. Yesterday I saw something I never want to witness again in my life. I don’t want to have to wonder if I’ll make it home to you or our baby. My life is not what it once was. You are my life.”

I nod my head in agreement, once again too overcome by the emotion of our situation to respond. Knowing that neither of us could’ve lived a healthy normal life with his job hanging over our heads, with the constant worry that something horrible might happen.

“I have money saved,” Ryan continues, feeling like he has to defend his reasoning and that he won’t be a burden.

“I don’t care,” I answer him, cutting into his words. “I don’t care if we’re poor and we live paycheck to paycheck. I don’t care if you never work again, because you stayed. You stayed with me.”

Through everything that has happened the only important piece is that we are together, and no matter what happens we will get through this together.

By now I’m curled up in Ryan’s lap, my head against his chest as he silently cries into my hair. As much of a mess as we are right now, we are going to pull through.

Looking up at Ryan through my tear filled eyes, I kiss him softly on the lips, telling him I love him over and over.

He smiles down at me, and asks, “How about we do something that will make us both happy?”

“Ryan, oh my fucking god, how can you possibly be thinking about sex right now?” I ask, appalled at his ability to make everything about sex.

He lets out a loud laugh that echoes through the stillness of the house and it makes me smile. It breaks through the surface of our sadness and our trauma with a small bright spot.

“Okay,” Ryan says, his hands held up defensively. “I am always thinking about having sex with you, but in this case I was thinking we could call my parents and tell them you’re pregnant.”

Ryan sends his mom a quick text to make sure they’re home and when she replies that they are, we make the call.

I’m half sitting on Ryan’s lap, the computer resting on my legs as the screen indicates that we are connecting to Ryan’s parents.

“Relax, baby,” Ryan whispers against my neck. “I can hear your heart pounding from here.” He laughs a little and rests his hand over my heart before pushing my hair to the side and kissing my neck.

Mary’s smiling face appears on the screen and she instantly says, “This better be good news because I’ll kill both of you if you think that telling me something bad via FaceTime is a good idea.”

“Nothing bad, Ma,” Ryan says, reassuring her as he kisses my neck again. “You ready?” he asks me, his smile beaming as he looks at me and then back at the screen.

I take a deep breath trying to quell the anxiety that has taken hold, as I hope that what we are about to tell Ryan’s family doesn’t come as too much of a shock.

“Erin’s pregnant!” Ryan shouts and my mouth falls open like it’s the first time I’ve heard this news myself. His announcement seems sudden and rushed, and despite knowing I am in fact pregnant, the words still stop me in my tracks every time.

“Oh my god,” Mary says, her excitement radiating off of her through her smile and the flush of her cheeks. “This is the best news ever!” Ryan’s dad nods in agreement as they both shower us with congratulations before Mary screams, “Sarah!” and within seconds Sarah appears squatting down next to her mom. “Erin’s pregnant!”

“I know,” Sarah responds with an eye roll and a dismissive wave of her hand. “This is old news, Ma.” Sarah is still clearly pissed off at Ryan for shoving her out of our house just a few days earlier.

Mary swats at Sarah calling her a buzz kill and shooing her away, but before she leaves Ryan apologizes over and over for making her leave and invites her to spend New Year’s Eve with us. With reluctance, Sarah agrees and Ryan promises to make it up to her, telling her about a party that will be happening at Beck’s pub.

And despite Sarah being angry with Ryan I think I see a flash of excitement in her eyes when she says she’ll be in Rockport in a couple of weeks

The conversation ends with everyone congratulating us, and Ryan’s mom repeating how excited she is about the prospect of having her first grandchild.

Even though our morning was somber, we’ve been able to turn that around, ending the conversation on a positive note that leaves both Ryan and me smiling.

“Your family is amazing,” I tell him as I shift so I’m straddling his hips.

“They’re your family now too, baby,” he replies, brushing a stray hair from my face and tucking it behind my ear.

The last few days have been overwhelming and after talking to Ryan’s family, I’m on the verge of tears again. But hearing him tell me that his family is now mine, does me in. I’m crying all over again.

I’m never this emotional and I’d like to chalk it up to pregnancy hormones, but I know it is so much more than that. Finding Ryan has made my life complete and knowing we have a baby on the way, only adds to all these feelings. Creating a family with Ryan is something out of a dream and I can’t wait for our life together to begin.

“Baby, please stop crying,” Ryan says, swiping his thumb at the tears on my cheek as he smiles at me. “We’re going to be okay. All of us.”

With my arms still wrapped around his neck, I lean in and kiss him softly on the lips, but Ryan deepens the kiss. His hand slides up my back and tangles in my hair. Pulling me closer, he slips his tongue into my mouth and I exhale hard.

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