Page 68 of Finding Home with You

“I’ll carry this,” he says, smiling at me as he holds out his hand for me to take it. “I have the car waiting for us at the door. A perk of being a Boston detective,” he says, winking at me.

It’s taking everything in me not to laugh out loud at him, but I know he’s just trying to show me he’s in this for the long haul, that he will do anything for me.

Even before we reach the elevator, Ryan is huffing and shifting my purse from hand to hand.

“Give me my purse,” I say, on an annoyed exhale.

“No, I’m carrying it, but shit, Erin, you gotta dump some of the stuff you have in here. This fucker is heavy, and with you being pregnant I don’t think you should be carrying a bag this heavy.”

“Oh my god, Ryan, you can’t be serious!” I practically yell as the elevator doors close. “In about eight months I’ll be carrying your six pound child around in my belly twenty-four seven. You gonna follow me around and hold up my belly?”

“If I have to,” he says giving me a serious but playful look.

“What am I going to do with you?” I respond rolling my eyes just as the elevator doors open.

Ryan’s police-issued car is parked out front with the Boston PD placard resting on the dashboard, and as illegal as it probably is, I’m glad I don’t have to walk all the way to the parking garage. My body hurts like I’ve just run a fucking marathon. Who would’ve thought a car accident could make every muscle in your body ache?

Ryan rushes to open the car door for me, and proceeds to help me into the car, but I hold up a hand as he tries to buckle my seat belt.

“Enough, Ryan, please. I’m pregnant and I’ve had a minor car accident. I’m not dying.”

“I wouldn’t call it a minor car accident,” he quips back. “Have you seen my car? That thing is a goner.”

“Seriously?” I ask, shocked that there was that much damage. “Ryan, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that it was that bad.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s a car, Erin, and as long as you’re alright, it doesn’t matter. I have insurance.” He shrugs his shoulders and closes the car door.

Climbing in beside me, he starts the car and we head back to the station to exchange cars.

I have yet to spring it on him that we’re stopping at the prison, but I better do it soon, because I know he’s going to fight me on this one.

We’ve exchanged the cars and as we are exiting the parking lot I drop the bomb on him.

“We have to make another stop,” I say, not looking at him, but my hand is stroking the back of his neck.

“Where?” he asks and I can hear the reservation in his voice.

“The prison. I need to go see my dad.”

“No,” is all he says, like that will end the conversation.

“Yes, Ryan,” I assert back.

“No, Erin. You’ve had enough stress with Anthony and the car accident and now the baby. Besides, you can’t just show up there unannounced.”

“They know I’m coming.” And that’s when he falls silent. “I have to take care of this,” I say, trying to help him understand. “He needs to know what happened because he’s the only one who can stop it from happening again.”

“He’s not the kind of person who understands or cares, Erin,” Ryan states harshly, and even though I have no relationship with my father it still stings. I guess a part of me still holds onto that false hope that he’ll do something right for once.

“He’s still my father,” is all I can say back.

We pull into the parking lot of the prison a short while later and unlike my first time visiting, I don’t feel nervous. This time I’m filled with rage, and the more I think about Anthony disrupting my life, showing up at my house, threatening me and then trying to kill me, the more I’m ready to have it out with my dad.

Ryan and I are in the waiting room, and my leg is moving on its own accord, bouncing quickly up and down as I let out a few impatient huffs.

“Take it easy, babe,” Ryan soothes, his voice calm and quiet. “Do you want me to come with you?” he asks, even though he knows the answer.

I told him in the car this was something I needed to do alone, and that having him with me would make it seem like it was an interrogation. Right now, he’s here as my boyfriend and not a detective, but I’m not certain my father would see it that way.

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